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AIBU?

To end friendship with friend who lies about her job

68 replies

user1488318718 · 01/03/2017 22:02

She's always told me she's got a specific professional job. One that requires a degree and further study.

Some people are aware she doesn't have any qualifications beyond GCSE (family members) and some people have guessed because they have known her most of her life and know she wasn't at university when she claims to have been (not an open university course and the qualification would require several work placements).

It's obvious anyway. She's currently on job seekers allowance and it's highly unlikely she would not have found employment had she genuinely qualified in this area.

Her parents don't know she lies about this, so openly discuss with friends her lack of education (she's stopped having her parents around her friends now).

She also lacks knowledge in the area she claims to be an expert and almost died when we introduced her to someone genuinely qualified in the field. He sussed her out in minutes when she discussed a price of work she'd done with an adult, which in reality is only ever done on a child.

The thing is, we do not care less what job she has. We do nohave judge anyone based on their educational achievement. So if she had just been honest/normal we would have thought no less of her but she clearly has low self esteem.

She also mentions her 'job' regularly, almost daily actually so it's getting rather embarrassing and awkward.

Some or my mutual friends have decided to it up with it, but I don't think I can stay friends with someone who regularly lies like that and seems to be a fantasist of sorts.

AIBU?

OP posts:

Report

ShugAvery1 · 01/03/2017 22:55

I had a friend like this but her lies got increasingly more abhorrent. Anyone who figured her out and spoke up was shunned from the friendship group. She clearly has issues, and it's one thing to have a friend who you know has lied about something stupid. It's another thing to have a friend who's lied about something stupid and you know if you confronted them they'd shun you and slander your name. I don't see how you can have a viable friendship with someone in those circumstances.

Iwasjustabouttosaythat · 01/03/2017 22:57

I've cut a few of these. I couldn't get them to stop either by directly calling them out on their lies or by being more subtle. These people are just empty shells and there's nothing there to form a relationship with. Do they really like anything they claim to like or do they just think they should like it? Is that really their opinion or are they just repeating what someone else said? I found the latter to be true.

Batwomanrisesagain · 01/03/2017 22:58

I swear I've read this thread before yet it was only started today. Dejavu!!

ArriettyClock1 · 01/03/2017 23:00

I checked the date on this as I have read it before.

Puddington · 01/03/2017 23:01

Batwoman as I was typing my reply I felt almost certain I'd written about it in response to a thread like this before! Judging from the other replies though it seems this type of liar is depressingly common.

GirlElephant · 01/03/2017 23:02

On the similar thread I mentioned there were people wondering if the friend lied to their friends & family due to insecurity. From memory the person hadn't been to Uni (or had failed I forget which) and it seemed they were embarrassed about this which led to insecurity in following a career.

Is that possible with your friend? If so maybe they need a confidence boost in order to come clean and be themselves.

ALemonyPea · 01/03/2017 23:05

Have you posted this before! I'm sure I've read this thread last year, had to check it wasn't a zombie thread.

littlefrog3 · 01/03/2017 23:05

TBH you sound pretty judgemental. Perhaps that's why she lies to you. She's existing on a pittance. Let her have her little dreams and fantasies. Maybe that's all she has got.

That's what I thought. Some drip feeding going on too, and adding bits to suit in subsequent posts.

But yeah, if the OP doesn't care for the girl any longer, then ditch her; let her find a more caring and understanding friend.

GardenGeek · 01/03/2017 23:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

user1488318718 · 01/03/2017 23:08

She has low self esteem so feels to be anybody she has to have gone to uni.

She also lies about having a boyfriend.

If I was lying and no one believed me I would want to know so I wasn't embarrassing myself but she doesn't seem to want that.

I'm not sure why it's so obvious when someone is lying but it is. I think it's a skill in most of us.

OP posts:

shockofthepops · 01/03/2017 23:08

You posted about this last year - your friend is pretending to be a nurse, I remember.
If she is still doing this and there has been no change it is definitely time to phase out this friendship as it continues to bother you

Mummyme1987 · 01/03/2017 23:09

When I was dating a few years ago now, I found the world is full of people like this. It's bonkers how many people lie.

user1488318718 · 01/03/2017 23:10

This is a very common problem. No need for the deja vu comments.

Im surprised in all this time only two threads have come up like this recently. I've often wondered how to deal with this situation and why people are like this. I know it's routed in self esteem issues.

OP posts:

user1488318718 · 01/03/2017 23:11

The nurse post was not written by me.

That is not what my friend claims to be. So can we stop the conspiracy theories now.

The job she claims to have is higher paid than that. Don't think she'd bother saying she was a nurse.

OP posts:

Bedsheets4knickers · 01/03/2017 23:12

Having major deja vu, was there a thread like this a few years ago .. ( maybe I dreamt it )

PussInCoutts · 01/03/2017 23:13

I personally wouldn't want to be friends with anyone who lies like that.

It doesn't sound great she aggressively turned on one of her friends when confronted, either.

LTB!

PussInCoutts · 01/03/2017 23:17

TBH you sound pretty judgemental. Perhaps that's why she lies to you.

This poster above sounds judgemental herself, and obviously did not read the full OP.

It's not just OP she lies to - she lies to everyone, and one friend who tried to question it got an abnormally aggressive reaction as a result.

Not a good friend.

Perhaps the people who think OP is being judgemental are amongst these who lie about their jobs/degrees/achievements if they think it's everyone else's fault to not live in their cloudcuckoolalaland

MsPavlichenko · 01/03/2017 23:20

She clearly has issues. How do you know she is on Job Seekers Allowance. Did you read a letter sent to her behind her back? That's really unpleasant. And did you introduce her to the professional in order to smoke her out. Also unpleasant.

Maudlinmaud · 01/03/2017 23:22

She must be aware that people know she is dishonest, I mean her parents have outed her. I know someone like this too, on one breath she is a doctor on the next she is an accountant. Truth is she is unemployed and left school with no qualifications. It is certainly an insecurity issue.

AllDaBoats · 01/03/2017 23:27

Is she "lying" or is she actually suffering from dilusions and needs proper professional help? If she's a good friend then I'd approach her about the it in as nice a way as possible.

PussInCoutts · 01/03/2017 23:28

Did you read a letter sent to her behind her back? That's really unpleasant. And did you introduce her to the professional in order to smoke her out. Also unpleasant.

I'm astonished at the number of people in AIBU who are more concerned about what OP may or may not have done to find out the truth in the matter, than with someone who pathologically lies and aggressively turns against friends who try to call her out!

I mean, who even lies to their friends? That's just crazy. If you can't be yourself with friends, they're not your friends.

I would definitely LTB, OP.

PussInCoutts · 01/03/2017 23:29

Is she "lying" or is she actually suffering from dilusions and needs proper professional help? If she's a good friend then I'd approach her about the it in as nice a way as possible.

I fully agree with this with the caveat that ONLY do this, OP, if you're prepared for having the same consequences that you saw your other friend getting for questioning her.

If you don't want that drama in your life, simply cut her off. It's totally within your right.

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MakeItStopNeville · 01/03/2017 23:29

I think I'd have to call her out on it. Nicely. And ask why she feels she needs to. Tell her that nobody cares what job she does. If she freaks out and decides to bin you as a friend, it doesn't really matter because you're thinking of binning her in the first place. But you might get to the bottom of the whole thing.

littlefrog3 · 01/03/2017 23:30

Pussincouts ...

You said
'It's not just OP she lies to - she lies to everyone, and one friend who tried to question it got an abnormally aggressive reaction as a result.

and then you went on to slate posters saying most of THEM probably lie about their qualifications and job too; very rude and very defensive of the OP.

Are you the OP, you sound very defensive of her, and like you know the 'friend' yourself...

littlefrog3 · 01/03/2017 23:31

Pussincouts ...

You said
'It's not just OP she lies to - she lies to everyone, and one friend who tried to question it got an abnormally aggressive reaction as a result.

and then you went on to slate posters saying most of THEM probably lie about their qualifications and job too; very rude and very defensive of the OP.

Are you the OP, you sound very defensive of her, and like you know the 'friend' yourself..

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