To end friendship with friend who lies about her job

[user1488318718]

She's always told me she's got a specific professional job. One that requires a degree and further study.

Some people are aware she doesn't have any qualifications beyond GCSE (family members) and some people have guessed because they have known her most of her life and know she wasn't at university when she claims to have been (not an open university course and the qualification would require several work placements).

It's obvious anyway. She's currently on job seekers allowance and it's highly unlikely she would not have found employment had she genuinely qualified in this area.

Her parents don't know she lies about this, so openly discuss with friends her lack of education (she's stopped having her parents around her friends now).

She also lacks knowledge in the area she claims to be an expert and almost died when we introduced her to someone genuinely qualified in the field. He sussed her out in minutes when she discussed a price of work she'd done with an adult, which in reality is only ever done on a child.

The thing is, we do not care less what job she has. We do nohave judge anyone based on their educational achievement. So if she had just been honest/normal we would have thought no less of her but she clearly has low self esteem.

She also mentions her 'job' regularly, almost daily actually so it's getting rather embarrassing and awkward.

Some or my mutual friends have decided to it up with it, but I don't think I can stay friends with someone who regularly lies like that and seems to be a fantasist of sorts.

AIBU?

[Iflyaway]

I agree.

Don't know why you are so bothered. Unless it impacts on your life directly.

O.k. She lies. She will be outed soon enough.

[MsPavlichenko]

Reading somebody else's private mail is more than unpleasant imo. I am not supporting the friend, but why not directly challenge or drop her rather than attempting to smoke her out as I said.

[PussInCoutts]

littlefrog

I have no known connection to the OP that I am aware of

I just hate liars with a venom, I suppose. It's one of those things. I certainly would not put up with it.

Apologies for having been bitchy. I just cannot believe how people seem to think it's okay to lie about huge lifestyle matters!

I have some good friends who are unemployed and don't have degrees, they don't need to lie about it, we all treat each other with the respect that every true friend treats each other.

I would find it highly disrespectful to have a friend lie to me like that. But what's even more terrifying is her reaction to having it called out.

I do feel sorry for her if she is suffering from delusions, but don't really know what OP could even theoretically do about it. Main point is said friend sounds toxic.

[PussInCoutts]

I once checked a boyfriend's passport when he wasn't looking and found that he'd lied to me about his first name... we did not last long...

I don't think the two 'crimes' compare. Checking, if you're suspicious, is understandable. And OP was proven right.

[Hotfuzzed]

I can kind of guess what job she's lying about and if I'm right she's breaking the law by Impersonating a professional.

[littlefrog3]

Mrs Pavlichenko
Reading somebody else's private mail is more than unpleasant imo

Yes, that is way more disgusting than fibbing about your qualifications...

user1488318718

She also lacks knowledge in the area she claims to be an expert and almost died when we introduced her to someone genuinely qualified in the field. He sussed her out in minutes when she discussed a price of work she'd done with an adult, which in reality is only ever done on a child.

Bet that gave you a little thrill eh? Knowing she was squirming so badly! Dear me! PLEASE ditch this woman; let her find a better friend!

[RedBullBlood]

Oh, you're the poster who regularly takes your ex wife to Wales? You do know some odd people, op.
Many fantasists about, a surprising amount of them on this very site.

[BottomlyP0tts]

I used to lie constantly and compulsively. I am truly surprised by the fact that I still have friends while at the same time wishing I could make new ones because I am SO embarrassed about the past.

What changed - meeting my partner and realising he loved me for me, having children and realising I could never lie to or in front of them.

I still struggle with little fibs here and there (exagerations mainly) my partner knows when I am fibbing though so there isn't much point.

I am only accountable for my own actions however I felt deeply unloved growing up and from the age of 4-5 was lying and stealing. My mother was and is a compulsive liar and a thief too. It is very hard to break the cycle.

I have told lies that are comparable with your friends (however have never pretended to be a profession I am not - openly admit to being a university drop out!) and I can't actually explain what compels someone to continue to lie other than you start to believe it yourself and even when you know other people don't believe you it just because this massive dark cloud that you can't escape.

It's all really shit to be honest

[Viviennemary]

I think she is to be pitied rather than condemned. That she has to make up tales like this to impress her friends is quite sad and pathetic. Not sure how to deal with this. But I can see it would be hard to listen to untruths all the time but confronting her probably won't do much good and only make her feel worse.

[Rubies12345]

Why don't you and the other "friends" help this lady to get a job? Maybe she needs help with her CV and interview technique.

[user1488318718]

Bottomlypotts that's very honest :-)

[unfortunateevents]

Why don't you and the other "friends" help this lady to get a job? Maybe she needs help with her CV and interview technique - how on earth would they do that though, given that this friend is already claiming to be working in this profession and that she was so aggressive to someone who did call her out on not working the area?

[Casschops]

Sounds to me that your friend is pretending that she's has a health professional qualification? I'm an a registered professional with the HCPC and have worked hard to achieve and maintain this. It hacks me of when people pretending that they are qualified at something when they are not. In these situations I can't be nice. I have a professional protected title that allows me the privilege of working with some brilliant people. It is people like this girl that discredit real professionals. If you Google "check HCPC register" as a member of the public you can check to see who is registered by putting her surname and searching under the profession she is claiming to be. Report her if necessary to the professional governing body whoever this is as withe her "harmless fantasy" she is probably committing a crime.

[Rubies12345]

Aggressive??

[Saracen]

It's a funny thing that when people behave badly because they are hurting, this sometimes inspires compassion and sometimes inspires anger. I don't know why this should be so. I've had friends who do bad things which I find easy to forgive because their neediness makes me feel kind, and other friends who just grate on my nerves with the same behaviour.

I do think that since your friend's behaviour is bothering you so much then you won't be able to muster up the sympathy to be a good friend to her: that isn't something you can just "switch on". Either you feel it or you don't. It's best if you quietly drop her as planned. With luck, there may be others in her circle who feel otherwise and can give her what she needs.

I disagree with PPs who think that anyone who could behave in this way is inherently unlikable - but she's clearly unlikable by YOU, so you need to walk away.

[RedBullBlood]

I don't know why the op sees this friend "almost daily" when he finds her behaviour so irritating. They don't work together, they're not housemates so why so much contact?

[HeartsTrumpDiamonds]

There are so many people like this, there have been a number of threads over the years.

I always post about my oldest friend, who is a compulsive liar. It is very sad. It started in high school and I am never entirely sure what is truth and what is lies. I know for a fact she didn't graduate from uni (our parents are friends which I think she must forget sometimes) and I know her DS2 has not spoken to her in years. But I stick by her because I reckon she needs my friendship and support more than I need not to be lied to.

[Sugarlumps333]

I think this is really sad when people do this - i genuinely feel for them. Having said that, I wouldn't be able to be friends with them. Acquaintances sure but I would find it unsettling and it's a huge barrier, how can you have an adult conversation with someone who tells such a massive lie? Sounds like she is a fantasist. I tell my close friends everything (probably never shut up ) and i would resent having to play along with the work story. I would want my friend to be able to be themselves around me and not lie otherwise what's the point? Sham friendship! I also think it is sad that she is so ashamed - sounds like she has just dug herself into a hole and the lie has spiralled out of control. But nasty that she was rude about someone who questioned her in the past. I just ultimately couldn't take someone like this seriously irl, as much as i would genuinely feel sorry for them. It would freak me out.