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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

WIBU to put a note on the door regarding sleeping baby?!

70 replies

Nosyneighbourproblem · 01/03/2017 13:16

I have name changed as this is potentially identifying but I am a regular mumsnetter.

We have just moved into a block of 4 flats, this is all new to me as I have never lived in a flat and always been quite private.
There is one other family who are also fairly quiet/private and we are just on hello/goodbye terms. The other two flats occupied by older childless couples, one of which is beyond the 'nosy neighbour' stereotype. Every morning I see her at the window watching everything go on, she is regularly stopping me in passing about mundane things "just to let me know".

I am on my own with two DCs, one at school and one 5 months old, who is breastfed of which I am struggling with, feeding is every 2 hours and could go on for half an hour each time. The baby naps after we get home from the school run and after a feed, he will only sleep on me so I am practically stuck on the sofa for an hour or two which I don't generally mind as I can put my feet up Grin

Every few days now the neighbour watches me get home, and about half an hour after will knock on the door about any and everything, one week it was an hour after the recycling bins were collected to "remind" me to take the bin in etc.

It is regularly at feeding/nap time and the first few times I'd answer thinking it was urgent, every time waking the baby and then interupting the feeding/schedule. This morning she knocked on the door, I knew it wasn't a delivery or visitor as we have a gate system in which they have to be buzzed in so I ignored it as baby had just settled, she then knocked again and again getting louder each time. When this didn't work she walked round to my front room window (?!) pressed her face up against the glass banging on it. I had my boob out in my own front room and have some lady having a good look!

I then went to the door thinking maybe this time it was urgent but yet again it was another non important mundane issue. She asked why I didn't answer when I was clearly home and she made me feel a bit silly about the baby being fed.

Would I be unreasonable to put a notice on the door that if I am unable to answer after the first knock the baby may be feeding/sleeping and to come back later?? It's happening every few days and I'm finding it very annoying/breaching on my privacy.

OP posts:
roundtable · 01/03/2017 13:49

Put a note up by all means but it sounds like she's very thick skinned and will need it spelling out to her that you will not answer as the baby will be feeding or asleep. If she comes round to your windows again, shake your head no and close the curtains.

Some people don't understand or care about any sort of subtlety so you have to get quite firm about it.

Previously1488218868 · 01/03/2017 13:50

I would go and knock on her door when I was sure she was busy or didn't want to be disturbed and explain that you have a baby that is breast fed and that you will be unable to answer the door but she is welcome to leave a note regarding bins, etc. and you will deal with it in due course.

A big sign on the door saying 'Please do not Disturb while this sign is on the door'. and remove it when you want visitors.

Original poster
Nosyneighbourproblem · 01/03/2017 13:52

She once knocked on the door to check if I knew my windows were open as they'd been open a while (3/4 hours as I had tumble dryer on) Hmm.

I think it is coming from being lonely and having nothing to do, as everytime we go out/come home she is sat at her window watching. But while I feel sorry for her that she has nothing better to do, I am really too busy to be satisfying her demands for contact.

I've tried making a point everytime I answer the door and she asks if she can come in (?!) to which I reply sorry is this going to be quick as I am settling/feeding baby and don't have much time. I'm not very confrontational so feel worried about approaching her about it as she does seem quite argumentative.

OP posts:
cjt110 · 01/03/2017 13:52

This would drive me crackers. I think a direct but polite approach is needed.

Explain whilst you appreciate her helping you out with information, right now you are busy bonding with your child and wouldn't want this to be interrupted by discussions about bins.

If that fails, next time just answer the door with your tits out

Original poster
Nosyneighbourproblem · 01/03/2017 13:54

I did try closing the curtains before to try to avoid her but it does make the room dark during the day and I resent sitting there with all the natural light shut out purely to avoid her Sad

OP posts:
JonesyAndTheSalad · 01/03/2017 13:54

Don;'t show any weakness OP. She will latch on.

Do as you've been advised. If she keeps it up, then start making notes of ALL her calls and report her for harrassment.

JonesyAndTheSalad · 01/03/2017 13:55

I would consider getting some of that film for the windows if you think she will peek again. You know the sticky stuff which makes it impossible to see in? Wilkinson's sell it.

cjt110 · 01/03/2017 13:56

OP We have some frosted glass type film and the windows (which are 3m high) are frosted about 1/3 of the way up. Could you get something like this so you can enjoy your privacy without the curtains shut

littlefrog3 · 01/03/2017 13:57

Or.....answer the door with at least one boob out everytime she knocks!

Grin This made me laugh! I bet it still wouldn't stop her though!

I agree with the poster who said she sounds like she is desperate for human interaction, and is needy and clingy. However, that is not the OP's problem, or her responsibility. I have literally known so many people like this, some worse than others, and I have lost count of the amount of times I have not answered the door, and just hidden behind the couch!

Doesn't help that I am quite introverted and anti-social. I literally can't be arsed. I am happy to meet someone for a coffee once or twice a month, but don't come to my house. No. Only very close family are welcome. I can't be arsed to spend hours entertaining people I don't even like much.

GraceGildee · 01/03/2017 13:59

I'm a cm and the babies nap in their buggies in the hall. I have a very clear note in black sharpie pinned on the door saying BABIES ASLEEP PLEASE DO NOT KNOCK. It works. I think you need to be firm though.

cjt110 · 01/03/2017 14:02

I reckon a nice PA note would be good...

"If you knock and wake the baby, you'll get a high five... in the face... with a chair"

FrenchLavender · 01/03/2017 14:07

Get a DO NOT DISTURB sign and hang it on your door when you get home.

Original poster
Nosyneighbourproblem · 01/03/2017 14:08

I'm also quite introverted I think.. I am very private and actually don't like anyone turning up uninvited Shock.

I will have a look for that film that sounds ideal, as we are bottom floor she walks past the front room window to go to main door, but her going to my windows specifically to look in to find me made me feel very uneasy. I have nets up which is why she put her face right up to the glass to see inside Hmm

OP posts:
rumblingDMexploitingbstds · 01/03/2017 14:10

It does sound like she's adopted you as part of her day's entertainment and routine. The trouble is with someone like this, by the time you realise your being normally nice, polite and kind has caused a problem they've already latched on, as you've been meeting their need and they want you to go on doing it!

The note on the door about 'please don't knock, baby sleeping/feeding' is a good idea. Or go around and be kind but firm and explain that you won't be answering the door if the baby is eating/feeding as it's disturbing both of you, and you'd be grateful if she didn't knock on the windows again please.

AssassinatedBeauty · 01/03/2017 14:14

I have the frosted film on my front room window, it works really well. I can have the blinds up but still sit on the sofa and breastfeed - no one can see anything but I get all the light.

K425 · 01/03/2017 14:22

She asked why I didn't answer when I was clearly home

"Because I didn't want to. Bye."

user1484394242 · 01/03/2017 14:22

'Please do not knock, mum and baby sleeping'

Then when she asks why you didn't answer, you say 'I was sleeping, it said so on my door'

CatsBatsEars · 01/03/2017 14:27

She sounds deranged! By all means put a note on your door but I wouldn't be surprised if she ignored it, she's a bully Angry

PageStillNotFound404 · 01/03/2017 14:27

You probably need to speak to her in person to get the message across. 'I can hear the door, so if I don't answer it means I don't want to be disturbed' (no need to give a reason) 'Please don't carry on knocking, just leave a note. Thanks.'

This suggestion from downwardfacingdog sounds good. Firm, clear, non-apologetic.

Original poster
Nosyneighbourproblem · 01/03/2017 14:36

Thanks everyone, I was worried I was being a bit precious Blush

I'm going to put a note on the door saying if I don't answer immediately I am probably feeding baby/baby asleep so please refrain from knocking louder/repeatedly.. Something along those lines?

I wish I would have said to her at the door about bashing on the Windows, I think I was just a bit shocked at her being so confrontational. If I bump into her I will say something and just say banging on the Windows upset me and woke the baby (hence why I didn't open the door) and as I'm breastfeeding I felt very vulnerable having someone look into my front room whilst I was feeding unannounced.

OP posts:
Funnyface1 · 01/03/2017 14:41

I would not leave a note as its blatantly for her and could make thingsa bit weird for you. I would be direct. Answer the door next time, no pleasantries, just "sorry it's a bad time". Next time I would ignore her. Let her knock and knock and knock. If she goes to the window tell her not to. You don't have to explain yourself just say "don't do that". If she questions you say "I didn't answer the door because it was a bad time and I'm NOT expecting anyone. I'm busy." Be firm, she'll get your drift.

Emmageddon · 01/03/2017 14:41

Just get one of these. Job done.

WIBU to put a note on the door regarding sleeping baby?!
MonkeysStoleMyBanana · 01/03/2017 14:44

I had this exact problem with my elderly but lonely neighbour. If I didn't answer she would walk round the house peering in the windows until she found me (usually feeding!) then bang on the window. It was always something innocuous as well. My husband was here one day and intervened and basically explained (nicely) about the baby and not to knock unless she really needed help, unless his car was on the drive which meant he'd be home so it was ok. Seemed to sink in ok and she's not been back peering at the windows! I did feel bad for being un-neighbourly, but when they're feeding or sleeping there's not much else you can do.

Crunchyside · 01/03/2017 14:46

I got this one online, similar to Emmageddon. If you're expecting a parcel or relatives or whatever you can just keep an eye out for them.

I had a baby who was a light sleeper and door knocking/doorbell used to wake him up. He's 3 now and sleeps through anything, so it must've just been that baby stage where they have really short sleep cycles so if they hear a noise at the wrong time it rouses them really easily!

WIBU to put a note on the door regarding sleeping baby?!
AssassinatedBeauty · 01/03/2017 14:49

I think mentioning how banging on the window upset you and woke the baby is a good thing to say, but you really don't need to justify that by explaining about breastfeeding etc. Pressing your face against someone's window and banging on it is intrusive and unwarranted irrespective of what you're doing in your own living room.