How qualified are social carers?

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I have various problems with my 12 year old daughter. She needs help with her mental state but charities, gp and nobody else wants to know.
DH engaged social care to which I had some choice words.
Instead of helping dd i ended up having my mental health assest.
We had meetings in school which were an eye opener. Daughter could walk through school because she isn't stupid just invented the word lazy.

Every teacher commented that she can't/won't work with other people and can cause huge conflicts. Head of year told us she won't make any A grade BUT she is doing great. (What planet is he on?) She has not reached any year 8 goals.
We were told by Social care and HoY OUR expectations are to high?!

She hurts the other kids at home, steals from us (money and other things), makes up stories about us and kids in school, can't find friends at sport groups etc.

School/soial care thinks she is doing great has friends and is happy anywhere apart from home. Ergo - blame the parents.
She steals- WE should give her more money.
Less rules
less expectations + no revision for subjects she is already failing in.
Dd still hasn't got the grasp of time and simple math.
We aren't even supposed to ask her were she was/is if she fails to come home.
She wants to be waited on all day long, doesn't do anything for school, her room stinks and is a mess. She has not a single interest in anything.
She loves watching preschool programmes.
WE are making her unhappy. WE need to change or she is going into care.

She is 12 coming up 13 and I have been sent to parenting courses were social workers couldn't write a sentence properly let alone speak in intelligent sentences. Plus I was stuck with parents who had toddler issues and it was hideous.
(Since I came to this country many years ago I have a full command off the English Language and make sure it has been past on to all of my chidren, while neglecting my own language.)
Are these people qualified in anything?
I get the feeling any muppet in this country can be a social worker as long as they are as intrusive as possible and bully and patronise adults on their ways and means, Or is it just migrant bashing?

I can hold my own language wise but I am not used to be told I am an idiot for having a goal and expectations in common etiquette, school work, respect for others and a happy quite life.

Its so sad to hear that you are so readily discussing her as the issue. I just re read and I am aghast. Someone tried to push YOUR DAUGHTER in front of a train! And your blame HER !!!! You say she left? She was not excluded , she rubbed people up the wrong way? How? Because right now the big picture is this..

Your daughters showing attention seeking behaviours, these are ignored and not responded to, they have therefore made her act out further and reject the world because to do that she feels she can protect herself. She's picked on at school because of it and the school do (well you haven't explained) you move her to another school, blame her for all the problems and expect them to disappear. With or without meaning to you compare her to the other children , speaking only about her in negative terms and they in positive. She decides that if that's what you think, then she might as well be it. Hence the continuation of bad behaviour and attention seeking, because deep down she still wants you to love and accept her. Her opportunity to prove her ability was taken when you moved her (the German thing) You come across as only concerned about educational achievement , refusing to accept anything positive said about her, you believe the school when they say she's doing something bad and think they are wrong when they say something good.
I'm not at all surprised that social services are involved as I hate to say it but this behaviour is EMOTIONAL ABUSE.

Is it possible your dd has special needs?

Your posts are really confusing. What does a cake ultimately have to do with your daughter's behaviour?

Ok, I'll bite, I'm a Social Worker, I have a Bachelor of Arts Degree and a masters.

What is it you would like to happen with your daughter?

Also you criticising Social Workers for not being able to write a sentence is laughable.

You sound like you hate your daughter, any wonder she is acting up.

You posted again - same response maybe it's time to look to yourself for a bit of blame

Another Social Worker/Muppet here.

Your posts are very concerning. You need to engage with the Social Worker - especially if the possibility of your children becoming accommodated has been discussed.

I could give further advice but hey, what do I know?

"have been sent to parenting courses were social workers couldn't write a sentence properly let alone speak in intelligent sentences."

Were social workers really that unintelligent?

Try Love Bombing
You have to do something. She sounds so unhappy.

Op I'm sorry to say you do sound incredibly overbearing.

Do you give your daughter pocket money? Social services seem to be suggesting that she is stealing because she has no access to money. If she's s 12 I would expect her to be having monthly pocket money to help her budget.

What exactly is the problem? I can't tell if you think your daughter is lay or stupid? Honestly she sounds like a very sad and angry little girl whose mother is not emotionally support her. Either they live up to your expectations or you'd can't help them? I'm afraid op that parenting doesn't work that way. You fit your expectations to the child not the other way round.

I have a hard time believing teenagers approached your other child and asked if they were as 'disrespectful' as you dd. That doesn't sound like a phrase commonly used by the youth of today if I'm honest.

When is you daughter allowed to relax?

What do you consider a 'failing' grade. You keep saying her teachers say she's will fail but it doing well. I've met parents who think anything less than a A* is failing. Also she's 12, why are you stressing about failing now.

I think unless you open your eyes to what school and social workers are saying you are in real danger of losing your child. Not just into care, but out of choice on her part too.

It's clear from your posts that you aren't a great parent. The crux of the matter is, do you love your daughter enough to follow professional advice that is designed to make her happy and well again? GCSEs and exam revision etc can be taken privately later when she's well. She's clearly not well right now so needs support to get her better.

Take the baking - there really is no need to read a million books and try to learn a load of methods. Take her to a shop buy some ingredients and fun decorations and ENJOY making and decorating it!

Your daughter is displaying attention seeking behaviours that will get worse as she gets older. You need to sort this out now starting with your attitude, it appears that your dd is displaying an extreme version of your own behaviour. You need to check how you behave & react towards others particularly in front of her.

Also it,sounds like your dd is displaying some characteristics to pda, its q very rare form of autism. Not all professionals recognise the symptoms of PDA as it's rare and may not have come across it before.
Get her the help she needs before she looks at a prison sentence 10 years down the line.

www.autism.org.uk/about/what-is/pda.aspx

Are you from a none European country? I ask this as your attitude towards educational attainment is prevalent amongst certain immigrant countries. It's always the child at fault, anything below an A is a failure etc.

I have a child with behavioural issues arising from her being adopted, we have a lot of contact with social services and every single person we have come into contact with has been kind and wanting to help, I am sure this is the case with your social services whether you agree with their suggestions or not.

One thing you need to remember at ALL times, even if thrugh gritted teeth:

BEHAVIOUR IS COMMUNICATION

Your daughter's behaviour is screaming at you that she is extremely unhappy.

You mention that she is very good with an autistic child etc so there is a kind caring person in there who in some way identifies with another child who struggles in life. This is a really positive clue.

Your child will not get 'better' whilst you show such contempt and disgust for her, this may be why it was suggested that you yourself get some help. Maybe you are ashamed of her, feel that her behaviour reflects on you and that people will think less of you for it so you get increasingly harder on her? You don't mention a husband/partner, how does s/he feel, treat this child? Stop looking for faults in your daughter and start listening and thinking about what could be making her so unhappy. Something is very very definitely wrong here.

OP, when I was 12, I was shoplifting, stealing money from my parents, underperforming at school, fairly vile to my family - and very miserable. My parents admitted later that they were quite worried. They very much took the "love you, but don't like your behaviour" line. As I got older and calmer, they treated me as an adult and consulted me on things, and I now have a really good relationship with my mother (father died), a responsible job and many good friends. Please try to be visibly on your daughter's side, to talk and LISTEN to her, and to do nice things with her alone, no matter how little you feel like it. It will get better, but you need to be the emotionally mature one and right now, you definitely aren't.

OP I want to echo what other posters have said, especially Nancy - your daughter is sending a very clear message that she needs support and understanding, and if it's at its worst when she is with you then she is sending that message TO YOU!

Please try to find a way to listen to her and help her. I also agree with PPs that if you can come to your conversations with school/social services with less aggression and more open-mindedness, they will be able to assist you in getting the help you need.

What you can't do is nothing. This is a child in pain and she's asking you for help in the only way she can.