to think that when people congratulate themselves for their great parenting they are often just lucky

[deliverdaniel]

I've seen so many threads on here where people say that people should "just teach their kids to, or not to x, y, z" or "do some parenting" or "mine never did that at that age- I just taught them not to" or similar. They are often quite smug and even nasty in tone.

Of course good parenting matters. But it seems as though so much of what kind of kid you get is just the luck of the draw. Eg- my friend's toddler can easily be told "no" and will respect the boundaries. Mine can be told no a million times, with consquences enforced every time and will keep pushing and pushing. My kids are pretty good eaters. My friend's will basically only eat pasta and nothing else, but I really wouldn't say we have done anything substantially different on that front. I just got lucky. one of my kids sits still and "behaves" easily. The other one is wild. One is a great sleeper. The other one terrible. One whines at everything. One is generally always positive and agreeable. Etc etc.

Of course there are parents who just ignore their kids behaving badly and are screwing up in some major way. But mostly I see parents doing their best , generally doing similar kinds of things w regards to discipline/ eating/ sleep etc etc and getting v different results depending on the kid. Caveat- mine are still pretty young- 6 and 3 so maybe my "parenting" willbear fruit later, for better or worse, but so much of it just seems down to luck. AIBU?

[Spikeyball]

"who would prefer to label her ds"

Or maybe her child does have a condition of some sort and she is seeking a diagnosis in order to get the correct help and support. The child won't get a diagnosis ( that is the correct word) if the child doesn't have it.

If there are no recorded cases of fussy eaters in the developing world it will be because those who are fussy eaters through disability are likely not acknowledged as existing.

[megletthesecond]

That's interesting about adaptability mrsterry.

[deadpool99]

I have to agree about the ridiculousness about the thread teaching 2 year olds not to touch things. One of my DC used to touch everything (has mild SN). Didn't matter how much i said 'no'. The other one didn't. 2 year olds touch things and experiment. Some 2 year olds do dangerous things too. Some don't. You can tell your kids not to do these things. Some will listen and some won't. Some have a sense of danger and some don't. Some are more curious than others. Some are more tactile seeking hence needing to go around touching everything.
I do think it's both nature and nuture that results in an outcome, but people who are judgy and think its their great parenting resulting in their kids are sleeping/eating/academically achieving/better at sports/have no health problems are wrong and do not realise how lucky they are.

[Anatidae]

Just to say the incidence of fussy eating in the developing world is pretty similar, from my experience (anecdotal, but having lived in a lot of different places and knowing a lot of mums!)

[Sunnysky2016]

I think some behaviour is definitely nature rather than nurture. My ds's although parented the same are totally different.
E,g:- one accepts no, the other pushes until he gets shouted at
One will get up first call in the morning, the other only when I've tried 20 times and am now shouting
One will do his homework when asked the other again only when I've asked, begged, pleaded and am now shouting
And so on....

[hazeyjane]

When it comes to fussy eaters, how would that child cope in a developing country where there were no other choice but to eat what was on offer? There are no recorded cases there so it does seem very much to be a first world (psychological) problem, like so many of the issues parents/dc face

Where are these figures recorded? Obviously you have evidence that people in developing countries don't face psychological problems.

Ds would most likely have died had he been born in a developing country, so he wouldn't have got as far as having such a restricted diet.

[Batteriesallgone]

Also, in many parts of the developing world children are breastfed for much longer, so fussy eating matters less. In the U.K. many mothers initiate weaning early, so diet becomes much more relevant.

[DaffodilsAndCrocus]

I know it's only TV but I recall watching Bruce Parry in what might have been a Mongolian yurt, and a mum was trying to feed a writhing, unwilling toddler. It all looked familiar..