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AIBU?

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Original poster

Kids sent home - safeguarding issue?

372 replies

PutTheBathOnPlease · 28/02/2017 20:18

Got a text at 10.20 this morning to say secondary school have a power cut and kids will be sent home on buses at 11:30. My son is 12, I was 80 miles away for work. Other half was able to get home just after DS, but school had not asked either kids or parents whether an adult would be at home - they relied on one text message with 60 mins notice. I find it boggling that they sent home 11 and 12 yo kids, not knowing if they would be able to get into their homes let alone have an adult meet them. Maybe I'm old fashioned! But what if the text had failed to arrive? The consequences could be serious. Your thoughts please.

OP posts:
jayne1976 · 01/03/2017 20:07

For a child in year 7/8 I would be horrified, my son wouldn't like to be in the house on his own-assuming he had a key. Ultra confident kid as a whole, but would be freaked to enter the house turn off the alarm and assume nobody was going to get in.

Natsku · 01/03/2017 20:14

Mum was reluctant to give me a key when I started secondary school because I was always locking the keys into the house (getting changed after church) so we'd all be locked out but luckily I was a pro at breaking into our house by reaching in through the letterbox on the back door to get the key out of the door Grin

I'll either be giving DD a key when she starts school or be hiding one in the bike shed/leaving it with the neighbours. Will be teaching her what to do if she's sent home early from school and can't get hold of me once she starts this autumn.

bonbonours · 01/03/2017 20:32

I know they are secondary school age and are travelling to school unaccompanied but at that age IMHO they are still not old enough to be at home all day alone and cook for themselves etc. There seems to be a wierdness on mumsnet that kids shouldn't be left alone for a second while in primary school, but the moment they start secondary school they are adults and can completely care for themselves. If the norm was that the parent would be home then the child might not normally need a house key.

My daughter is 10 and a half in year 6 so she will be just 11 when she starts secondary school in September. I have so far left her at home for a maximum of an hour, and she was quite anxious / very pleased when I got back, and chose to come with me rather than stay at home alone for 2 hours the following day. On a practical note, she is unable to unlock our front door as you have to lean an adult weight against it to make the key turn. This will not be a problem generally as I will be home when she will be getting back from school but in a situation like OP could be problematic.

Travelling a well-known route to school for 30 minutes or staying at home alone for an hour is quite different from wandering the streets unaccompanied, or staying at home all day needing to organise food for yourself.

ComputerUserNumptyTwit · 01/03/2017 20:37

Another child of the 70s here - most of us had our own keys by the time we started secondary (so early 80s). If anything I think we are more averse to children fending for themselves than parents were then.

Astro55 · 01/03/2017 20:45

I fell and banged my head at infants school - 1970's - I was sent home - to walk 2 streets away - nobody had a house phone - or knew if my mum was in -

All the kids at school had house keys - sometimes we went to a friends for lunch - just to escape the canteen -

In have no idea why there is such a school:home divide -

Children should be ready for high school and that includes being responsible with a key - even if it's at the bottom of their bag unused

Being home alone is better than walking the streets or being soaked in the rain surely?

Sausagehead · 01/03/2017 20:47

I don't think it's ok. I think 11 children are still very young. I really would not be happy.

bonbonours · 01/03/2017 20:51

Also I agree with those who say why did school need to close due to a power cut, presumably they have such things as windows, books, paper and pencils, sandwiches.

And for those who say school is not a babysitting service, no but as others have said they are in 'loco parentis' when your child is there. That is why they have rules about registration and leaving at breaktimes and don't let kids wander in and out at will.

If a child left school without permission and school's attitude was "oh well he's 12, he's old enough to look after himself' and took no steps to find him then people would be up in arms. Why is that children let out of school are automatically at less risk than one that walked out without permission?

Doowappydoo · 01/03/2017 20:57

But whether your yr 7/8 has a key or stays home or not isn't quite the point is it?

The OP had more than an hours notice and someone was able to get home just after her DS. I still think as a parent you need to take responsibility for preparing them for stuff like this - at the very least they need to be able to say to a teacher "no-ones home, I don't have a key and I have nowhere else to go".

debbs77 · 01/03/2017 21:03

Isn't 11 and 12 actually illegal to leave a child home alone? What if a parent couldn't get home for many hours? I'd be having words!

PigletWasPoohsFriend · 01/03/2017 21:05

Isn't 11 and 12 actually illegal to leave a child home alone?

No it isn't!

noblegiraffe · 01/03/2017 21:07

Why would you assume that a school has sandwiches? Confused

5moreminutes · 01/03/2017 21:08

My kids get keys at age 6 just in case, but their school bags have clips for that specific purpose (as do all school bags used by 6 -10 year olds here). I'd never intend for a 6 year old to come home alone but being able to unlock the front door and phone my mobile, DH's mobile and grandparents from the land line is something I start letting them practice from the start of their first year of kindergarten.

As others say I'd rather they be able to get in should I have been unforceably detained than that they have to follow the emergency plan of going to different emergency contacts til they found one who was in.

DD did once have to use hers when she was 6, when I had taken DC3 to toddlers group and got stuck on the way home due to a road accident causing the police to close the road I was on. She phoned me as soon as she got in and was fine. It never happened again in her time at primary and hasn't happened to DC2 yet either, but I'm glad she had the key.

I can't see why specifically giving a child an emergency key makes them a latch key child if it is an emergency key.

Having a door your child can't close securely behind them or open by themselves would seem more irresponsible than giving them an emergency key surely?

5moreminutes · 01/03/2017 21:09

*unforceably

5moreminutes · 01/03/2017 21:11

Argh why does my phone this k that is a word? Unforseeably. Is that even a word? Evidently I need to go back to school myself Blush

Natsku · 01/03/2017 21:12

Exactly 5moreminutes that's why I'll be giving DD a key when she starts school (she'll be 6.5) as even though I don't foresee me not being at home there's always the possibility that something might happen so I'm not so its much better that she can get inside and figure things out from there than be stuck outside (especially if its winter and might be -20 or something)

5moreminutes · 01/03/2017 21:19

On a key related note - if your preteen has a key do they use it to get in when you are home or do they just ring the bell?

When I come home and everyone / someone is in I automatically use my key rather than expect my family to come running to open the door, am I freaky or is this normal?

My eldest has a talent for arriving home when I am either on a different floor doing laundry or in the middle of cooking or something, but nothing I can say can persuade her to use her key when she knows I am in! Drives me a bit barmy some days... Who is being unreasonable, DD or me? I should get my own thread I guess... Blush

Astro55 · 01/03/2017 21:25

Our door is always unlocked - so no key or doorbell ringing needed.

Their friends just come in as well - it's not unusual here

WeAllHaveWings · 01/03/2017 21:32

Whether it is a key or an alternative emergency contact it is your responsibility to have a contingency plan in place for your dc if sent home unexpectedly early or ill.

AveEldon · 01/03/2017 21:34

Haven't read the whole thread

I grew up in a rural area - we didn't have a key - but there was a key stashed in the garden for emergency use

5moreminutes · 01/03/2017 21:36

Ours is a Yale type so clicks locked when you shut it. In bad weather I wouldn't want it actually physically open, though we leave it physically open when the kids are playing out...

We have an open-ish house but I wouldn't want their friends just wandering in without buzzing - sometimes if I've time to stop off before I pick DC3 up I jump in the shower after an early shift and wouldn't especially want pre teen boys wandering about without my knowledge - for their sakes as much as mine! Shock

5moreminutes · 01/03/2017 21:37

Thanks for answering my tangential question Astro

Jux · 01/03/2017 21:39

When I was a child we didn't lock the doors or windows. The front door had a Yale lock, but we all just went round the side and got in the side door, or if that was locked (unusual) got in the back. So did friends and family. It was not unusual to get home to find an uncle or some friends hanging out drinking tea waiting for us! We started locking the back and side doors in the 70s when I was in my teens.

I gave dd a key when she was 6. She rarely used it. We have a key safe too, but she rarely used that. I don't think she started using her key until she was about 15. 50moreminutes, I'd lean out of the window and shout to her to use her key.

doubleshotespresso · 01/03/2017 21:42

I think an hour is very little notice and I wouldn't be happy at DC travelling alone unplanned.

I would be in an identical position to OP- I am often some distance away and not able to respond to calls immediately and although I am lucky with supportive grandparents and other half who would step in such a situation, I think it's a big deal. I would have perhaps have called the school and asked them to keep DC there until I or somebody I could contact was able to collect.

FWIW OP i think you are getting quite a hard time here, I would be very uneasy with the lack of notice or checks. And for those referring to "what did they do back in the day/ before mobiles? etc" - we were in different times and things still were not always fine. We are fortunate to have better communications now and responsibilities that a school holds are far higher these days too.

Natsku · 01/03/2017 21:48

I leave the doors unlocked when I'm home (OH locks them which pisses me off!) so people can just walk in as our doorbell doesn't work so I don't realise anyone is at the door unless they open it and shout "hello" which is what I encourage (big porch so knocking at the outer door can't be heard inside unless you're in the hallway)

ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 01/03/2017 21:51

I went to secondary school in 1980 and came home to an empty house (sometimes my elder brother was in). Obviously I had a key as did many of my friends. It's not a new idea.