To wonder if anyone else had a mother who bore grudges like mine

[arainydayinearlyspring]

Some examples were

Hating a school friend I had for being naughty at our house when she and I were five - she continued to hate her when she was 16.
I stayed at my aunts when I was about six. Apparently I was told off for sliding down the banister. Mother was still going on about it ten years later.
Every little thing I did that was bad was brought up repeatedly for years after it happened!

AIBU to think this was strange ...?

@Rockmysocks It is good that you have decided your DC are not to see any abuse. I am not the parent of any of the young DC who live day in day out in the midst of things that I as an adult will not endure. I do not have any say in what happens to these young children. I wonder how they will turn out.

I would love to know how all these bad mothers produced the perfect daughters

Honestly @TheBouquets, what a horrible and passive aggressive comment. Nobody on this thread professed to be a perfect daughter, and the truth is the kids of abusive parents have to go through a lot of soul searching (often with professional therapeutic help) to get over their upbringing. Against that background do you really think it’s helpful or kind to make snarky comments insinuating that the daughters are the problem?!

Then surely those who claim to be the victims of a narc parent could have some empathy with the victim of any narc person no matter what the relationship.
Seems a bit self centered to think only daughters are worthy of any empathy.

"Daughters can be narc too not just mothers. That is what I am asking you to think about"

But that isn't what the thread is about so we don't have to think about it. Start a thread yourself about narc daughters if you want to discuss them.

Yup, my mum still has not forgiven me for not using her name as DD's middle name. DD is 20. Every time a family member has a baby, mum still says DD should have had my name.

My mum still has not spoken to my Aunt (my dad's sister) because my mum had to look after her PIL (i.e their parents) in their dying days (only for a short period of time), as dad's sister refused to, for very bloody good reasons. This was 30 years ago.

When I asked my DM why my DB who still lived at home at 44 couldn't help pay towards some decorating costs, I was met with a moment's silence, then:
'I paid your student loan off when your father died'(2k in 1997) and
'My mother paid for the extension on this house'(in 1976).
I think she was insinuating that I should pay for decorating a house I haven't lived in for 25 years because I have a 'cushy job'. I am a teacher 🤣.

I didn't reply by the way.

Daughters can be narc too not just mothers. That is what I am asking you to think about
Your posts are getting more nonsensical. Firstly that isn't what you said at all. Secondly This thread is about narc mothers, of course daughters can be narcs but that would be a different thread. You do realise people can say "my mother was crap" without it implying that a) I'm a perfect daughter and b) all mothers are crap and all daughters are perfect.

I think you have missed the point, this is a thread about parents holding grudges, hence the discussion. Whatever the age, they are still the children, parent should give unconditional love and not judge. There was no need for your comments, they just cause more hurt. Like someone else has said, perhaps you need to look for another thread or open your own.

Oh God yes! I have found my tribe! Apparently I was a completely demanding little shit one day in nursery aged three and a half. Until she died my mother would throw that at me in an argument. That nursery teacher got the measure of me. It was the defining incident on how she saw me.

For years I'd fight back, but still felt guilty and 'dirty'. The only thing I can compare it to is being a straying husband who is sick of the affair being brought up obsessively years later. Yeah, I deserved it, but please put a sock in it mother. It was only years after I left home that I saw it clearly - I meant it's just nuts. I wasn't even 4 years old.

Being a parent bring things into sharp relief. I mean my DS pooped on the kitchen floor aged 3.5. I've never mentioned it since, let alone taken it to be the moment his character was set in stone.

My family drags up stuff I said I did many yrs ago. Not grudges, I suppose that's a blessing, but more like commentary. On a camping trip, my dad noticed I had hairs on my upper lip about 5 yrs ago & this is now embellished to be long hairs growing out of my nose (He's so pleased I now pluck them "regularly"; I have never plucked nose hairs or needed to). My brother comments whenever I see him that as an 11 yr old I declared I would never have kids or get married (I am now 51; married, 4 DC).

FFS, get over it. Stop living the past. I don't do this to them in return.