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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this is sexist?

76 replies

KitKat1985 · 28/02/2017 15:39

So I should explain me and DH have two daughters in nappies - a 3 month old and a near two and a half year old (we have been trying to toilet train her but haven't been successful yet). DH is a brilliant and very 'hands-on' dad. A couple of days ago we were out at a family occasion for the afternoon, and invariably both girls needed nappy changes during the day. The venue only provided baby change facilities in the ladies loo. This has happened several times at various locations when we've been out with the DDs. DH offered to still do nappy changes but I said I'd do it as he understandably felt uncomfortable going into the ladies, and he didn't want to do it on the floor in the male loos as (in his words) the floor is always covered in piss and he doesn't want the girls lying on a piss-covered floor. I feel not having nappy change facilities in the gents is sexist as firstly it implies that nappy changes are solely womens' work, and secondly it makes it bloody awkward for DH when he is out with the DDs on his own (as he will have to when I'm back to work etc) as he understandably doesn't want to go into the ladies loos to access a baby change facility. Surely now it's 2017 it shouldn't be unreasonable to have baby changing facilities in both the male and female loos?

OP posts:
StatisticallyChallenged · 28/02/2017 15:43

It's not great, I'd say it depends on the facility/venue to an extent. If it's a busy venue then they should have both. Wee cafe I'm less bothered

OneWithTheForce · 28/02/2017 15:46

Yep it is, it's crap. There should be a nappy table in all toilets.

badabeedabom · 28/02/2017 15:46

I agree it's very retro.

Where I live (non-UK) there are always accessible facilities. Not that I go into the gents but they have them there too, or outside the loos, or in a separate room. Separate room is rare as we are in the inner city with no space to spare!

bigearsthethird · 28/02/2017 15:46

Yes it is sexist, but the facilities were probably put in when it was generally considered a womans job to mainly change the baby. But on the other hand more and more venues now do have seperate baby change facilities so both parents can use them. So It depends on the venue and whether they have the room or means to create additional baby change facilities.

Putting some in the mens is a gross idea though as generally the mens always smells like piss imo! I wouldn't have a problem with a man changing a baby in the ladies, but some people might. If I saw a lone man struggling to find somewhere to change baby I'd probably offer to do it for them (had 4, plus been a nanny so seen it all). But yeah you'd think in 2017 most places by now would have sorted this out wouldn't you?

MrsDustyBusty · 28/02/2017 15:47

So who is your husband directing his complaints to? Is he setting up a pressure group?

SaorAlbaGuBrath · 28/02/2017 15:47

I do think it's sexist. Dads change nappies too (or at least proper ones do!)

Original poster
KitKat1985 · 28/02/2017 15:53

So who is your husband directing his complaints to? Is he setting up a pressure group?

Maybe if enough people agree that it's unreasonable we need a Mumsnet campaign! Grin

OP posts:
MrsDustyBusty · 28/02/2017 15:54

Really? Surely the men can take this one on themselves.

2014newme · 28/02/2017 15:55

Agree with your dh.

2014newme · 28/02/2017 15:56

What would a pressure group achieve, it wouldn't be directed at any particular outlets

SaorAlbaGuBrath · 28/02/2017 15:56

I'd argue it's an issue for women too. Why are we expected to do all the changes by places that only have baby changing in the female toilets? It's not 1955!

RightyWho · 28/02/2017 15:56

Hugely sexist and I do wonder what gay dads do in these situations.

Trifleorbust · 28/02/2017 15:57

Just saying this to my DH the other day.

Original poster
KitKat1985 · 28/02/2017 15:58

I'd argue it's an issue for women too. Why are we expected to do all the changes by places that only have baby changing in the female toilets? It's not 1955!

^ Totally agree.

OP posts:
Trifleorbust · 28/02/2017 15:58

And perhaps the men can 'take this one on' but meanwhile, I am doing every nappy whilst we're out!

MiddleClassProblem · 28/02/2017 15:59

It is sexist. More and more places are changing it as they refurb with in disabled loo or designated loo. It's slow process particularly for independent restaurants. I would imagine one day it will be law though. BIL was a sahp and really struggled sometimes. It's a very outdated setup particularly with the new paternity share options.

MiddleClassProblem · 28/02/2017 16:00

Also DH did most of the nappy changes when we were out and about so he was regularly complaining about it.

SaorAlbaGuBrath · 28/02/2017 16:00

It's part of a wider problem isn't it? The expectation that mothers do it all, the expectation that fathers don't/won't/can't. It's all part of the same problem.

Bahh · 28/02/2017 16:00

This really surprises me, I haven't noticed it myself, seems the standard is a standalone room. Sad that a few are still lurking in women's rooms!

Original poster
KitKat1985 · 28/02/2017 16:10

This really surprises me, I haven't noticed it myself, seems the standard is a standalone room. Sad that a few are still lurking in women's rooms!

My experience is either that the baby change is in a unisex area (like a disabled loo or a specific baby change area) which is obviously fine, or that they are in the ladies. DH tells me (as obviously I don't go in them) that very few male toilets have baby change facilities.

OP posts:
CigarsofthePharoahs · 28/02/2017 16:14

Most places I go have the baby changing in the accessible toilet.
However I feel I must add a mention of my local M&S Simply Food - baby changing in the ladies and the mens loos and lots of floor space for a buggy so you're not getting in everyone's way!
Its perfectly doable.

NotYoda · 28/02/2017 16:15

YANBU

I have changed more nappies than I can remember on a pissy floor (pre-changing tables in public places)

Pinkheart5915 · 28/02/2017 16:16

Me and dh often go out with the babies and it's either changing in women's toilets only ( understandably dh won't go in) or if we are lucky you have changing in the disabled toilet. I have NEVER seen a male toilet that says changing facilities

YippieKayakOtherBuckets · 28/02/2017 16:18

I complained to Welcome Break after we stopped at a service station where the disabled loo / baby change was out of order and the only baby changing facility was in the women's loos, inside a standard-sized cubicle, in the freezing cold because the fire exit was jammed open. It was grim and they did apologise to me - although they couldn't tell me what they would have expected DH to do if he had been on his own with DD.

thatstoast · 28/02/2017 16:19

Maybe we should campaign to put them in the gents and take them out of the ladies. Then women have a good excuse to take a break from all that child rearing business. That would be nice.