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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this is sexist?

76 replies

KitKat1985 · 28/02/2017 15:39

So I should explain me and DH have two daughters in nappies - a 3 month old and a near two and a half year old (we have been trying to toilet train her but haven't been successful yet). DH is a brilliant and very 'hands-on' dad. A couple of days ago we were out at a family occasion for the afternoon, and invariably both girls needed nappy changes during the day. The venue only provided baby change facilities in the ladies loo. This has happened several times at various locations when we've been out with the DDs. DH offered to still do nappy changes but I said I'd do it as he understandably felt uncomfortable going into the ladies, and he didn't want to do it on the floor in the male loos as (in his words) the floor is always covered in piss and he doesn't want the girls lying on a piss-covered floor. I feel not having nappy change facilities in the gents is sexist as firstly it implies that nappy changes are solely womens' work, and secondly it makes it bloody awkward for DH when he is out with the DDs on his own (as he will have to when I'm back to work etc) as he understandably doesn't want to go into the ladies loos to access a baby change facility. Surely now it's 2017 it shouldn't be unreasonable to have baby changing facilities in both the male and female loos?

OP posts:
WankingMonkey · 28/02/2017 16:20

We had this problem last week...at a soft play area. The only changing area was in the ladies... Ridiculous really.

brasty · 28/02/2017 16:20

I would love to see fathers set up a group and campaign on this. They could even create a father friendly kite mark and give out awards. Suggest it to your DP.

VestalVirgin · 28/02/2017 16:21

I have often seen the changing table being located in the room where the doors to the toilets are - away from the dirt (which, let's be honest, also happens in the women''s toilets) and everyone can use them. I think that's the best way.

MiddleClassProblem · 28/02/2017 16:22

Best loos we've come across are at Gloucester services (which is an amazing service station in itself with a butchers artisan bread) where they had baby changing rooms individual but also a couple of family loos which had baby changing, an adult loo and a little loo with ample buggy space.

BeMorePanda · 28/02/2017 16:24

yes it is sexist.

and this absolutely - I would love to see fathers set up a group and campaign on this. They could even create a father friendly kite mark and give out awards.

He needs to learn the cross the lap nappy changing technique. I used this a lot and you can use it to change a nappy anywhere at all without having to lay the baby on anything (other than your lap). A CM taught me.

booklooker · 28/02/2017 16:25

Putting some in the mens is a gross idea though as generally the mens always smells like piss bigearsthethird

So, do you regularly pop into the gents to have a good sniff?

A very sexist and unnecessary comment.

MiddleClassProblem · 28/02/2017 16:26

Really? Surely the men can take this one on themselves

Firstly, why when this affects women too? Means only women can change the baby.

Secondly, if my husbandandvorger men can campaign for women's rights, feminist issues and walk on the women's march in support why on earth would we not do it back? But this is a feminist issue anyway.

OneWithTheForce · 28/02/2017 16:29

Putting some in the mens is a gross idea though as generally the mens always smells like piss

Putting some in men's is essential. Men are parents, men change nappies, if the men don't want to bring their babies into the men toilets because of the smell then men need to address that with premises owners. If I couldn't use a toilet because it was smelly and filthy I would complain to the manager. I wouldn't just say "oh I guess they shouldn't have toilets here"

brasty · 28/02/2017 16:29

I have several friends who work in a business where they visit a lot of public loos. They always say the women's is where they find the worst toilets - bloody seats, undisposed of sanitary towels, etc. But the men's often smells more because of urinals that do not properly flush away.

Trifleorbust · 28/02/2017 16:40

If the men's smell like piss they need to be cleaned more often. That isn't an excuse.

ShavenConnery · 28/02/2017 16:44

Isn't the problem sometimes that there is not enough space in the gents, as the little boys room is often smaller than the little girls room as it will have fewer cubicles.
Also I suspect there are H&S regulations about having a changing table near urinals.

ZackyVengeance · 28/02/2017 16:50

i hate it when the only place they have them is in the disabled toilets.

mrsmortis · 28/02/2017 16:51

I would love to see fathers set up a group and campaign on this. They could even create a father friendly kite mark and give out awards.

My DH would be up for this I'm sure. As the SAHP for two girls he has often had reason to rant about it.

brasty · 28/02/2017 16:52

Talk to your DP about it. I think a campaign like that could be very successful.

thelostboy · 28/02/2017 16:54

It's frustrating when you are a dad on your own with a kid with a full happy.

Obviously, when you are with your wife and the only baby change is in the Ladies...Sorry darling, I'd love to change them but I just can't Halo

Andrewofgg · 28/02/2017 16:54

"Wee cafe I'm less bothered" Not quite sure the first word is quite the mot juste.

DS is 32: it was a lot worse when he was in nappies. He was ff so I took him out a lot without DW, and I remember an occasion when a woman who had just changed her baby in the ladies' loo kindly changed him while I held her baby. Not ideal but needs must!

thelostboy · 28/02/2017 16:55

Nappy. Full nappy. Stupid fucking text

Original poster
KitKat1985 · 28/02/2017 17:02

I just spoke to DH about this thread. We would genuinely start a petition on this if people were actually interested. Obviously no-one would expect a small business or simillar to spend a lot of money on this (I think we can all agree that things are tough enough for small businesses etc these days) but even if more places could be encouraged to put a £5 changing mat in the male toilets so men haven't got to change their kids on the floor, that would be progress right?

OP posts:
Original poster
KitKat1985 · 28/02/2017 17:03

^ That should read 'haven't got to change their kids directly on the floor',

OP posts:
brasty · 28/02/2017 17:06

You can put those fold down nappy tables in. I know they are not that great, but better than nothing.
I think a campaign where you get businesses to sign up to doing this, would be more successful than a petition. Maybe with a father friendly logo they can display in their window?

MiddleClassProblem · 28/02/2017 17:07

I would stayed with either men's addition to ladies or in a unisex facility such as disabled loos or baby changing room or something like that. Just because I have been places where it's not in the ladies but in the latter facilities.

atheistmantis · 28/02/2017 17:12

most places I know have them in the disabled/accessible toilet. I think that's appropriate.

SerialCerealKiller · 28/02/2017 17:15

Yanbu obviously but it's not exactly as if this happens everywhere is it? It's a rare occasion where there is nowhere for my dh to comfortably change a nappy.

barinatxe · 28/02/2017 17:16

It's not ideal but your husband shouldn't feel uncomfortable about using the changing facilities even if they are in the ladies' toilet. The facilities are there for babies to be changed, I'm sure most of us are grown up enough to recognise that a man coming into the ladies' to change his baby's nappy is not a threat! What is a man supposed to do if the mother isn't with him and his baby? Just let it sit in its shit all day?

SomethingBorrowed · 28/02/2017 17:20

YANBU
As a side note, in this situation DH would change our DC in the ladies, not on the floor in the mens (or on any floor)!

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