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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To let nearly 8 year old walk to shop alone?

87 replies

ClaireH26 · 27/02/2017 21:28

DH and I in disagreement about this. DD1 very sensible, trustworthy girl who will be 8 in April, oldest of 4 kids, very responsible. She's desperate to be allowed to walk to the corner shop alone. We live in London, in Hackney but in a reasonably quiet, nice residential street with lots of families; the shop is at the end of the road, not quite visible from our house but close, no roads to cross- maybe 30 houses away.

I think going to the shop in broad daylight at her age is fine. My DH says no way, she should be at least 10!! That seems ridiculous to me, when I was her age I was off on my own all day playing although I grew up in the countryside. He grew up in London so I guess he knows more about kids in the city. I just think she's ready to take some small steps of independence but he says she might get abducted. I think he's being overprotective. AIBU? When is it ok to let a child do short errands alone?

OP posts:

Ham69 · 27/02/2017 23:57

Absolutely no way. My DS is 10 and I might consider him doing it but DD is your DD's age and very sensible but too young. I'd rather be over protective than live with regret.

conkerpods · 28/02/2017 00:10

Why do people say it's different 'these days'.
Why is it?and what is it that's different?

bumsexatthebingo · 28/02/2017 00:17

What's different is that a 7 yr old out alone would probably be one of many 7 yr olds out alone or with other 7 yr olds and wouldn't stick out like a sore thumb as a target for anyone living in the area who wants to bully, rob or abduct someone. There will likely be people who have committed offences against children living in the area - 'naice' or not. Who d'you think they are more likely to target - a 7yo or an 11 yo?

Biffsboys · 28/02/2017 00:18

7 seems a bit young ? My ds2 is 9 and is no way ready to go to shop on his own . Ds1 went at 10 but only with friends .

glitterazi · 28/02/2017 00:25

All those saying "mine is 9 and no way ready to go to the corner shop by himself."
What's the area like that you live in? How far away is the shop? All these need to be taken into consideration.
I'm in a town, but a fairly quiet street. The local corner shop is only a few minutes walk away but not visible from the house.
When would you start to let your child do a few minutes journey to the shop then if not at 9? Genuine question, as I suffer from anxiety too and am on tenterhooks until they're back safe and sound. even with the young teenager

chatnanny · 28/02/2017 00:45

I think I'm right in saying that approx the same number of children (each a tragedy) has been abducted by a stranger Year on Year since records began. In which time the population has grown hugely. Deaths on the roads have actually fallen I believe (not sure about pedestrians) despite there being an exponential rise in the number of vehicles. The thing which has changed is, we are all aware which is a good thing in one way but a terrible thing if it makes children live restricted lives.

Lonelymummyof1 · 28/02/2017 03:16

I find it interesting the amount of people that are more concerned because it is london.
We live in london and very central / busy I would be more inclined without roads to allow it here.
In fact you very rarely hear of kidnapping a child etc on the media that is in london.
Its not a very prime location in the middle of the day in a busy street with people around and a very strong cctv presence to abduct a child.

lalalalyra · 28/02/2017 04:06

It totally depends on the child. I think people who have arbtrary ages of when children 'should' do things are very blinkered. I have twin girls - the ages they get to do things are different because they are very different kids.

Will she be going to secondary school at 11 and travelling? If so I think 8 is around the right time to start building up independence. I don't understand people who don't start that process until they are 10/10.5 and then they are landed with journeys a few months later. Kids need experience to manage risks, and to have things go wrong and know how to deal with them in safer stages.

On the same street, no roads and quiet I'd allow at 8 with all of mine so far.

Does she play out? If so, how different is the shop from her boundary for playing? Has she been out of your sight without another adult before? If not then building up to it perhaps might help your husband feel better about it - walk her halfway up the road until you can see the shop? Build the distance each trip.

ScarlettFreestone · 28/02/2017 04:20

Hmm. I occasionally send my two to the post box (a similar distance as your shop) also out of sight from about 8 yo.

However I sent them together which is a crucial different to me. I wouldn't have let either one go alone.

JonesyAndTheSalad · 28/02/2017 04:30

I wouldn't. I live in a sleepy village in Australia and my DD at almost 9 has JUST started a similar trip.

Crumbs1 · 28/02/2017 04:31

The risk is traffic so since there are no roads to cross, I would. I think it will do her self confidence good and start allowing her to develop risk taking skills in a safe way.

Crumbs1 · 28/02/2017 04:32

At seven but no, not at five.

lalalalyra · 28/02/2017 05:12

However I sent them together which is a crucial different to me. I wouldn't have let either one go alone.

I'm the total opposite to that. I much prefer my kids doing things themselves, especially the twins. Together they distract each other, and sometimes egg each other on, but mostly it's the fact they get lost in conversation and lose awareness of what is going on around them whereas on their own they are fine.

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 28/02/2017 05:34

It's too young,

There's plenty of time until she has to walk to school st 11.

claraschu · 28/02/2017 05:44

The thing that is different about "these days" is not that it's more dangerous, but that it isn't normal any more, unfortunately.

Marmelised · 28/02/2017 06:12

I am very grateful to the Brown Owl at my daughters' brownie pack.
Soon after she started aged 7 Brown Owl asked me, has she made you a cup of tea yet, why not, has she been to the shop on her own yet, why not?

We talked about it and agreed to let her go (london suburb, shop on corner no roads to cross). It worked really well and was of great benefit in building her independence.

BertrandRussell · 28/02/2017 06:22

"Abductions happen anywhere and everywhere and often by opportunists."

Do they? Where and when?

Sundance01 · 28/02/2017 06:29

Our corner shop is 100 yards away round a corner on a busy road but with no roads to cross.

My 7 year old GS has been going on his own for about a year.

I would worry about traffic if he had a road to cross but we send him all the time. The way he swells up with pride at being trusted is great and building up his confidence at asking the shop keeper for help in finding things is a great life lesson.

Although he does come back with the wrong items occasionally 😊😊

Sallystyle · 28/02/2017 06:32

I am pretty lax compared to some but I don't let my 8 year old walk to the shops alone. However, there is a horrible road to cross off a roundabout and you have cars coming from every direction. No crossing and I can spend ages waiting for a safe gap to cross and sometimes you just have to run quite quickly across because the traffic doesn't let up.

If it was safer and no big roads to cross or ones with lights I probably would let her.

TheOnlyColditz · 28/02/2017 06:42

Yes no problem, as long as she has her head screwed on. Lay the rules down and spy on her mercilessly. She will be fine.

AntiqueSinger · 28/02/2017 06:44

Agree with mojomoon and add that I think we infantilise children in the uk way too much, there was a study done years ago which found children in the uk were the least resilient compared to those in countries in the rest of Europe. I think the likelihood of stranger danger is massively overstated in the media which is curtailing children's opportunities to engage with the world and develop independence and physical and mental agility. There is a real impact in terms of things such as hand-eye coordination, problem solving, creative thinking, and environmental and spatial awareness for some children who simply never go out for unsupervised free play, where they must negotiate their surroundings, because parents are hostage to fear of something going wrong. And I don't blame them the media would simply hysterically lambast any parent whose child did go missing in such a situation. A lot of those lambasting them would be other parents.

JeanBodel · 28/02/2017 06:50

I would let her. My 8 year old daughter is allowed to walk to the shop alone.
The risk of being abducted is now, and always has been, very low.
The risk of children growing up without the skills to cope independently is quite high nowadays. So I am more wary of overprotective behaviour than I am of abduction.

Ankleswingers · 28/02/2017 06:56

Absolutely no way. Too young and too risky

PartyPolitics · 28/02/2017 07:07

I live in the suburbs of a city and mines being going out to play/nipping to the corner shop since 7. One quiet road to cross and he is very sensible where roads are concerned. He's 8 now and walks part way home from school with friends. Many of his friends walk home without an adult, it's not unusual here. The freedom has done wonders for his confidence and I'm so glad he said having a 'proper' childhood like I did (playing out in the fresh air and coming home covered in mud). I suppose it does very much depend on where you live you though.

TheOnlyColditz · 28/02/2017 17:14

What are the risks, AnkleSwingers?

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