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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To let nearly 8 year old walk to shop alone?

87 replies

ClaireH26 · 27/02/2017 21:28

DH and I in disagreement about this. DD1 very sensible, trustworthy girl who will be 8 in April, oldest of 4 kids, very responsible. She's desperate to be allowed to walk to the corner shop alone. We live in London, in Hackney but in a reasonably quiet, nice residential street with lots of families; the shop is at the end of the road, not quite visible from our house but close, no roads to cross- maybe 30 houses away.

I think going to the shop in broad daylight at her age is fine. My DH says no way, she should be at least 10!! That seems ridiculous to me, when I was her age I was off on my own all day playing although I grew up in the countryside. He grew up in London so I guess he knows more about kids in the city. I just think she's ready to take some small steps of independence but he says she might get abducted. I think he's being overprotective. AIBU? When is it ok to let a child do short errands alone?

OP posts:

early30smum · 27/02/2017 22:24

Yes exactly re travelling age 11. Some of the kids here do amazingly long journeys to secondary school by themselves. Kids definitely need to learn how to be independent. Bad things can happen, but statistically, abductions etc by strangers are very rare. You're more at risk of something bad happening every time you put your child in your car... of course, be sensible, and I wouldn't personally let a 5 yr old go to a shop alone, but a sensible nearly 8 year old, yes. Obviously having talked about what to do in different scenarios etc.

AgentProvocateur · 27/02/2017 22:29

I can't believe some of you wouldn't let an 8-year old go to the corner shop, with no roads to cross, in broad daylight. Risk isn't about the worst thing they could happen (someone mentioned abduction) it's also about likelihood (incredibly rare).

Willyoujustbequiet · 27/02/2017 22:32

No. I wouldn't feel comfortable. Too young for me.

Mrscog · 27/02/2017 22:32

Yes in your situation I definitely would. I'd just make sure she is aware of what to do if approached. (and the first couple of times I probably would follow from a distance!).

I was 10 when I was allowed to our corner shop, but it was a 10 minute walk through the village and involved walking on a road without a pavement for 50m or so. If it had been all pavement and closer I would have been allowed sooner.

Startoftheyear2017 · 27/02/2017 22:33

I think you can do it. I live in a similar quiet area in London and our youngest has been allowed to walk to the local corner shop since he turned 8. I feel he's very safe and gives him a safe start to being more independent.

Original poster

ClaireH26 · 27/02/2017 22:33

Thanks for the replies. Seems like there is no right or wrong answer, just personal opinion based on attitude to risk. Generally DH is much more laid back than me so it's quite novel to be in this position where I think something is OK and he doesn't. As he's dead against it I obviously couldn't let her go anyway, I had been trying to talk him round but based on some of the responses here maybe that is unreasonable. Next time she brings it up I'll tell her she needs to wait a while.

OP posts:

trixymalixy · 27/02/2017 22:41

No. My DD will be 8 in August and I think she's too young to go to the shop on her own.

Finola1step · 27/02/2017 22:45

7 is really quite young wherever you live. But you could try letting her go into the shop by herself to buy a few bits while you wait outside. To start the process.

EastMidsMummy · 27/02/2017 22:46

Abductions!! As if! The real danger is traffic. I would let her go (whilst probably arranging some elaborate scheme to have her watched.)

Ameliablue · 27/02/2017 22:48

I think 7 is too young. I agree with gradually building up though.

Original poster

ClaireH26 · 27/02/2017 22:57

Finola1step we already do that, also I let her go to the post box by herself which is about 2 houses away. The shop seems like the next logical step.

OP posts:

WorraLiberty · 27/02/2017 22:59

So no-one abducts 10 year olds?

I'm sorry, I don't see her Dad's logic.

BarbarianMum · 27/02/2017 23:05

Yes I think it's fine (in daylight obviously). And no there aren't ways to encourage personal responsibility and independence that work well if you won't let them out of your sight.

bumsexatthebingo · 27/02/2017 23:05

I think it's a bit young. I'd maybe feel different if it was with a slightly older sibling.
I walked much further than that and crossed 2 busy roads to get to school at that age but it is rare to see kids so young out alone these days and that makes them more vulnerable/likely to be targeted imo. Especially if it was a trip she began to do regularly so the locals new she would be out alone each day. And I'm not just talking abductions. Kids that age are more vulnerable to being robbed/bullied etc.
I agree with what a pp said - let her go into the shop while you wait outside. I do that with my 6yo.

bumsexatthebingo · 27/02/2017 23:08

Letting your child out of your sight is one thing. Letting them out of your sight alone s another. I've let my dd play out on the street out of my sight from younger than the op's dd. But she is with friends. If her friends go in she knows she is to come in as well.

Herdingcows · 27/02/2017 23:10

Is the risk of abduction significantly lowered at age 10?

Id let my DS go and he is the same age

glitterazi · 27/02/2017 23:15

It all depends on your area as to whether you'd be reasonable or not to let them.
I have a 9 year old (nearly 10 year old) , and I let him walk to the corner shop at the end of the street every now and again.
The way I see it, you have to start letting them at some point - I mean, in not much over a year they''ll be starting to get to school by themselves for high school.
A gradual let them go to the corner shop at 9/10 is needed really (obviously depending on area.)
When I look back to how it used to be when I was little, I grew up in a village and would be out all day on my bike/calling for friends at their houses at the opposite end of the village.... can't imagine doing that now!

bumsexatthebingo · 27/02/2017 23:17

There is a difference in how intelligent a 7 and 10 year old is though. Being younger (more easily tricked) and being alone is going to make you more of an easy target for any kind of crime. Crimes are probably mainly committed against older children/teens because most 7yr olds don't go to the shop alone these days.

Ohyesiam · 27/02/2017 23:18

We let my dd and a good friend walk back from out local co-op , with dad 5 minutes behind at 8 or 9. It's a 10 minute walk, she had my phone, and is very grown up and sensible. She loved it.

chatnanny · 27/02/2017 23:22

I'd worry more in a village where there may not be a pavement. The risk of being hit by a car is many times greater than encountering a dodgy stranger. If there are no roads to cross I'd make it the first trip. Our children's first trip was to a little shop similar distance away with 3 small roads to cross and I think they were about 8. Telling her that you're walking a bit behind her is also a good way to rehearse.

PrinceHansOfTheTescoAisles · 27/02/2017 23:25

I wouldn't let my nearly 8yo but then he is far from sensible and might get distracted by a balloon, wander off and never be seen again.

I'm in two minds 're hackney as well. My friends live near Victoria Park and their road is very naice and quiet. Few mins away on mare street is a different story and I've been followed by all sorts of interesting characters, yelling things at me or just talking to themselves. ...

CanadaMoose91 · 27/02/2017 23:27

I'd say yes. If she's sensible and it's on the same road, then I think she'd thrive given the chance. If you're worried about an unlikely abduction, chat to her on a cellphone the first couple times for your own peace of mind.

They're just as likely to be abducted when they're 11 and at secondary school.

DonkeyofDoom · 27/02/2017 23:27

We live in North London and there have been several attempted abductions over the last two years of children. We let our nearly 10 year old DD go to the corner shop but have just started. Not a chance at 7.

TheWeeBabySeamus1 · 27/02/2017 23:29

When I was 7 I was sent to the shops all the time (live in Manchester so not a little village) and it was a 10 minute walk with a road to cross. I was a sensible kid and knew not to talk to strangers or anything like that.

I think it depends on the child really.

GetOrfMyBin · 27/02/2017 23:51

I'm sorry, are you for real SirFred? Your DD is 5. I don't care how mature or sensible she is, there would still be situations where perhaps she wouldn't know how to handle herself because, you know, she's 5. I have a 5 year old, there's no chance I'd let her go to the shop alone..live tracked or not. How far away do you actually let her go by herself?

OP - I can see both sides of the argument though I'd tend to side with your DH on this one. That being said I am more overly cautious and suffer from anxiety. My DH and I had this debate recently though.

Our eldest DD has not long turned 9 and we have a corner shop over the road which is about 4 - 5 houses along. The enterance to the shop is around the corner, so you wouldn't be able to watch her going in to/coming out of the shop. The road we live on is long and straight so some dickheads people drive recklessly along it sometimes.

DH suggested we let DD1 go to the shop by herself and I said no. I wanted to wait for a little bit and I gave my reasons to him why. DD1 has always been very sensible and mature for her age but I still hesitate. Anyway over half term he let her go to the shop by herself a week or two after we'd had the discussion. She was fine but we had a bit of a falling out over it, as he blatantly disregarded my feelings on the matter and waited until I was at work to let her go.

Like I say I suffer for anxiety so I know I do need to let go a bit but the way people drive along our road is a bit scary - I think I'd let her go if the shop was on the same side of the road as us. I think the next time she goes, whenever that maybe, I'll make sure she has my phone with her as I think that would make me feel better.

YANBU to want to give her more independence, but I'd maybe wait a little longer if I were you.

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