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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Not wanting to go back to work after baby

60 replies

mum19821985 · 27/02/2017 11:15

Hi, my baby is currently 8 months old and the time to return to work is fast approaching! I am so not ready to go back to work and could easily stay home for longer. It is not financially possible for me to not work and I am not entitled to any tax credits etc. DH wants me to go "on the sick" for a few months to get extra time with DS. I am not comfortable with this but even my line manager hinted that a lot of women do this! Thoughts please? I work part time.

OP posts:

Whatthefreakinwhatnow · 27/02/2017 12:08

baby it's actually quite common in my field- full pay for 6 months, then they receive a capability hearing and get dismissed for medical inefficiency - thus comes with a months pay for every year in post so if you've been in the job a while it's quite lucrative.

Disgusting behaviour if you ask me, but there you have it.

Mrscog · 27/02/2017 12:10

When are you due to go back? In my experience I would have sobbed at going back at 8 months. By 12 months when they toddler tantrums were beginning to show and I was spending all day every day either saying 'no' or preventing them from mortal peril I was raring to go. Can you stretch out ML any further?

AHedgehogCanNeverBeBuggered · 27/02/2017 12:10

YABVU. Absolutely disgusting behaviour, it's people like you that give mothers a bad name in the workplace, contributing to the discrimination many women face when pregnant. It's stealing from your employer, it's fraud, and it's doing women everywhere a disservice. You ought to be ashamed for even considering this.

PigletWasPoohsFriend · 27/02/2017 12:11

DH wants me to go "on the sick" for a few months to get extra time with DS.

It's fraud.

It's people like your DH that make it difficult for me and others like with acute and chronic conditions, to be believed.

StickyMouse · 27/02/2017 12:12

Puglife has suggested everything that I would,

StickyMouse · 27/02/2017 12:13

You also need to consider notice period if changing dates for return.

LagunaBubbles · 27/02/2017 12:16

Im assuming your DH is just responding to your worries about going back to work but its not ok.

notinagreatplace · 27/02/2017 12:16

Given that you are only going back part-time as it is, I would just go back and make the best of it.

Why is your DH so keen? Perhaps I'm just being cynical but I slightly wonder if he is worried about his life becoming harder

OliviaStabler · 27/02/2017 12:17

dh thinks I would be silly not to do it.

I think you would be very silly to even consider it.

2014newme · 27/02/2017 12:20

I work in hr we have never had anyone go sick like this! You would need sick notes, we would be doing occupational health referrals etc. It would be very stressful for you.
Take holiday or unpaid parental leave.

2014newme · 27/02/2017 12:21

Are you sure you would even be paid for the sick leave?

Crabbitstick · 27/02/2017 12:49

Remember when you go back your LO will no doubt get lots of little illnesses that require you and your DH to take time off. It's normal, it's part of them building up immunity when they're in childcare. So if you have massively taken the p*ss by going off sick then you have to take lots of days off for ill LO then you're going to be in a really poor position for moving onto another job.
It's tough going back but once you've got LO settled into childcare it is great to be around adults and using your brain again.

Whatthefreakinwhatnow · 27/02/2017 12:53

I should add that is postnatal depression these mothers cite, quite easy to get notes from the GP for this if you say the right things-given the field I work in they find this very easy to emulate

MrsNuckyThompson · 27/02/2017 12:57

You have the right to some statutory unpaid leaves.

'Going on the sick' when you are not ill is just cheating and lying to your employer. If they pay contractual sick leave you'd also be defrauding them of money.

I understand the wrench having done it myself but I wouldn't dream of cheating the company I work for.

AbbeyRoadCrossing · 27/02/2017 13:07

That makes me so sad. Like many others I struggled to get support after the birth of DS and to think others are making it up is awful. They could be putting someone else that needs PND support in real danger

megletthesecond · 27/02/2017 13:14

Don't use up your annual leave now. You'll need those days when your toddler catches every virus going at childcare. Keep it in hand for as long as your employer will allow.

acquiescence · 27/02/2017 13:14

You might be surprised. I am so much happier back at work part time than I was on mat leave. I don't especially like my job but having the balance makes my time with my baby so much more enjoyable. He has gained a lot from a day a week at nursery as well and from being cared for by other family members.

acquiescence · 27/02/2017 13:15

And as everyone else has said, of course you shouldn't go off sick for no reason. It may affect you negatively with your career prospects as well.

SEsofty · 27/02/2017 13:17

I have never, ever, ever heard of anyone doing this. And work for large organisation.

Doctors don't issue sick notes for months just because you want to

Bear2014 · 27/02/2017 13:17

I felt exactly like you, OP, but it was actually fine. DD (9 months) had never taken a bottle and I was scared she would starve but she ate everything in sight at nursery. She had a whale of a time with her new little friends, settled in brilliantly and I surprised myself by enjoying my 3 days per week in the office. You might find the same. Also, nearly everyone I knew on mat leave went back to work, so we would have missed them all.

SEsofty · 27/02/2017 13:19

Also do you want more children. In which case it's worth going back to work to get another set of maternity leave

IDontLoveGlitterGlitterLovesMe · 27/02/2017 13:29

Your dh has seriously poor judgement, as do you by just being 'uncomfortable' with committing fraud.
You are both fantastic parents.

Whatthefreakinwhatnow · 27/02/2017 13:30

Bit it's not for no reason SE, the GP will believe the mother to be depressed and unable of work so will sign her off....

sparechange · 27/02/2017 13:35

Obviously you don't need me also pointing out it's a seriously stupid idea, but think it through... not only would you need to convince a GP of a made-up illness (and you don't think they see this all the time?) but then also carry on the lie in your day to say life

So you would be constantly looking over your shoulder on any days out with your baby. Constantly asking people not to tag you in FB photos, check ins etc
If you have colleagues in your friendship group, what are you going to say to them?

If you get caught out, you would be in huge trouble at work, and even if you didn't get officially caught, people aren't stupid and would think a lot less of you for doing it

tattychicken · 27/02/2017 13:39

Like Mrs Cog said, I felt the same at 8 months, but by 10- 11 months, when they are settled on solids, getting out and about, the thought of leaving them was much more bearable. By 12 months it was quite appealing!
When are you planning to go back?

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