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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to want to evict my lodger?

70 replies

LondonHerbivore32 · 24/02/2017 20:37

I've let rooms before in the past without any problems. However I feel that this lodger is pushing my boundaries badly and hasn't been here long. Would you put her on a warning for eviction for the following?

Repeatedly not locking the front door when leaving for work. She works afternoon to evening and I leave at 6am, so often the house is unlocked for hours before I come home.

Repeatedly leaving the heating on at 22 degrees or more and going out to work. Therefore wasting resources and costing me a lot of money.

I am vegan and she is now cooking meat in my pots/pans, despite my discussing why that was not allowed before she moved in. She has her own cookware, she just seems to prefer my expensive stuff.

Having her boyfriend stay every Thurs/Fri to Sun/Mon. He contributes nothing to the household, takes long hot showers, doesn't clean at all and let one of my indoor only cats get out when he left the bathroom window open. Luckily I caught the cat I the garden, but he didn't apologise.

Loud sex with said boyfriend, after 11am, when I am working from home.

So would you evict her? I have tried to speak to her about these and other issues and all I get is moaning and excuses. Whinging like a child when she's in her 20s.

OP posts:

user1471545174 · 25/02/2017 12:24

Have you given her notice yet, OP?

BitterAndOnlySlightlyTwisted · 25/02/2017 12:49

She needs to be gone by next weekend. You've already raised your concerns with her and she's not paid any attention, so it's time she found something else.

She's careless, selfish and a piss-taker so she has to go.

barinatxe · 25/02/2017 12:57

You and her are both too different to live together. She infuriates you with her lack of respect for "the rules" and I'm certain you infuriate her with your rules.

The problem with having a lodger is that they expect that in return for paying rent, they have a home where they are free to relax and be themselves. From the lodger's point of view, she pays you rent, it's her home, why the fuck shouldn't she do what she likes?

It might work if two people are more compatible, but in this situation you are too different.

The ultimate question is, why does she have to bend for you, instead of you bend for her? If your answer is "it's my home and she's the lodger" then perhaps you haven't understood the contract you enter into by having a lodger. A paying lodger has equal entitlement to live how they like in your home. If you don't like it, you can get rid of her.

With lodgers you only have to give "reasonable" notice - "reasonable" to be determined by a court if it got that far, so realistically you could serve notice today and expect her to be out in three or four weeks.

Roomster101 · 25/02/2017 14:27

I would evict her for leaving the front door locked more than a couple of times, let alone the other reasons. Leaving the heating on all day is also annoying. I had a lodger like that once. The thought of him still irritates me twenty years later..

Roomster101 · 25/02/2017 14:29

It's not just that they are different barinatxe. Noone would want to put up with someone who is incapable of locking the front door...

myoriginal3 · 25/02/2017 14:47

The loud sex thing would annoy me the most.

SuperFlyHigh · 25/02/2017 16:49

barinatxe if you're a shared tenant as I understand it you have a few more rights, eg heating control etc etc.

In this case bills are probably included within the rent, OP has explained re keeping the heating at a certain level yet her lodger has ignored her and put it up.

The other issues are bad but should be able to be talked about, again lodger ignoring.

The one I would get the lodger on is having someone else to stay more than a few days a week, if OP had said she wanted to share with a couple she would have said so. But if she was "flexible" re her lodger having someone to stay she should be clear I.e. stay at weekends only or not at all.

When I rented out my spare bedroom at first I allowed females to have boyfriends to stay at weekends. This worked well until with one lodger her boyfriend was staying Monday night and Friday night too (I'd only ever said Saturday night and Sunday night), he also stayed in my flat working on the Monday (used all rooms apart from my bedroom) and I began to feel like my flat was being overtaken (the living room etc). Also the boyfriend in latter scenario didn't pay towards heating etc yet me and the lodger (his GF) were out all day at work. Now I say they can't have boyfriends to stay at all ever, as I don't want that scenario happening again. If they don't like it they can find another room to lodge in.

Andrewofgg · 25/02/2017 17:32

You should tell her to be out by next Thursday morning and TNS about it. And change the locks.

Roomster101 · 25/02/2017 18:52

I'm surprised that anyone would rent a room in your house superflyhigh if you stipulate that boyfriends etc can't stay and have other rules. Unless the room is very cheap, why would anyone want to rent a room in your house or any house with "rules" vs a room in a shared house?

MojitoMollie · 25/02/2017 19:10

If the lodger was only having the boyfriend over I don't think that would be a problem

But when you add that to the other problem why would you want them to stay??

SuperFlyHigh · 25/02/2017 22:08

Roomster I don't mind if I know the female lodger well enough for boyfriends to stay the odd weekend but not every night.

I don't have rules per se, but don't turn up the heating is one of them! Unless I say it's allowed.

Given in my place you have a big double living room and dining room which can be shared with me then that's a lot compared to lots of shared houses which don't have a shared living room.

It's not cheap either.

Also friends i know who have rooms rented out have similar rules re boyfriends staying over.

SuperFlyHigh · 25/02/2017 22:10

Mojito if this lodger has the boyfriend staying over a lot and he's using utilities etc then he's not staying at his own place.

In this scenario OP feels pushed out of her own place! They should rent their own place if they want to be together so much.

Roomster101 · 26/02/2017 21:26

I don't mind if I know the female lodger well enough for boyfriends to stay the odd weekend but not every night.

It would be annoying if it was every night but I can't see the problem with 2 or 3 nights, especially if they are also staying at their boyfriends some nights. I just find it surprising that anyone would want to rent a room in your or any landlords house if that meant they couldn't have anyone to stay over or had to comply with other rules. In a shared house you often have a living room too but wouldn't have anyone telling you who could or couldn't stay the night in your room or rules about heating etc.

MojitoMollie · 26/02/2017 21:52

SuperFlyHigh - what i meant was that that OP could probably live with one of the issues, like the boyfriend, or even the security, but its all of the things together that causes problem

i hope the OP has kicked her lodger out by now

IonaNE · 26/02/2017 22:17

OP, get rid asap.
Roomster, I was a lodger for about 6 years in my 20s and I did not have a boyfriend staying over. Ever. Not for one night. It is possible, you know.

SuperFlyHigh · 26/02/2017 22:25

Roomster the whole point of my shared home is its a maisonette/flat and has 2 bedrooms and a box room (which I use as a study or spare).

There is a separate large living room and dining room area but there's only me there, so it's a 2 person flat share but with a living/dining room. I advertise or expect to get women of a similar age to me, 40 or so but it's generally women in their 30s and I don't mind that at all.

I just don't want women to be bringing back a different man every weekend (not happened to me but happened to a friend) or to share my place with a "couple" living there. Otherwise I'd advertise that. Seeing as my last 35 year old lodger stayed with me for 2 years then bought her own place I'd say she was very happy! Sorry but I am not happy for a boyfriend to stay over even 2 nights a week unless I know them both very well. Had too many occasions in the past (and through friends who rented out rooms) where the person with a boyfriend has virtually moved the boyfriend in, gradually, or you feel uncomfortable in your own home. And a previous landlord of mine had this rule, no boyfriends ever stayed over, I just accepted that! A shared house it is a totally different dynamic and if a lodger wants to rent my room I make that clear to them from the start. I've always had lodgers and have mostly been through friends of friends or work colleagues so not like I found it hard to rent my room out at all!

Mojito I was in agreement with all the issues. One or two it isn't too much but I'd have a word especially re the safety aspect.

Also the main point here is the OP obviously isn't happy about all the points but they start to grate after a while especially if it looks like lodger is taking the piss.

Hope OP got it sorted though!

SuperFlyHigh · 26/02/2017 22:29

Iona I totally agree with you! Not one of my lodgers who I've said "sorry no boyfriends staying over" have minded. They just stay with boyfriends (or girlfriends) on weekends.

They've respected my rule and as in the last lodger after a year I finally said "ok the boyfriend can stay one weekend a month" but that's only because I was feeling nice about it and they were both respectful.

Roomster101 · 27/02/2017 10:27

Roomster, I was a lodger for about 6 years in my 20s and I did not have a boyfriend staying over. Ever. Not for one night. It is possible, you know.

I didn't say it wasn't possible. However, I think most people would like to be in the position of being able to have someone stay over if they want rather paying money to rent a room and then having a landlord dictating what they do with it. Therefore, I am surprised that anyone chooses to be a lodger rather than live in shared house. Perhaps they don't have much of an option in some areas nowadays though.

Roomster101 · 27/02/2017 10:34

SuperFlyHigh Obviously you don't want to live with a couple and it is not on for someone's boyfriend to be there when you're not. Not allowing people to have anyone to ever stay over at all when they are paying seems to hark back to 1960s style landlady/lodger relationship though. Obviously if you can still find lodgers it's not an issue but I'm just surprised anyone agrees to it as it doesn't seem like a good deal to me versus living in a shared house, many of which also have a shared living room.
When I was a landlord in the 90s I took the view that if I wanted to charge the same rent as a room in a shared house I couldn't expect tenants to have fewer rights than they would in a shared house.

SuperFlyHigh · 27/02/2017 18:18

Roomster in London (I've checked) lots of living rooms now are just bedrooms so you don't have a living area.

My DB and SIL and SIL's DB and DW differ in that they do have living room areas but latter is huge living dining kitchen area and kitchen just off living dining room in former. Plus they generally let to friends.

But I do hear of the odd house-share where living room included too.

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