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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this text message was rude?

39 replies

00100001 · 24/02/2017 17:42

Sorry, a bit of a tl;dr coming!

My friend recently had his 30th birthday on the 18th Feb. We went for dinner on the 15th where I gave him his card and I made him a cake which we ate at dinner and said as he was going on holiday the next day until the 20th, I would give him his present upon his return. I had intended to give it to him on the 21st as we go to a club together, but due to other factors I forgot about it completely.
That night after I'd gone home, I received this message

"Not that I'm bothered at all but did you actually get me anything for my birthday? 😇"

I was slightly annoyed! I have ignored the message thus far. And have had a few days to mull it over and still have the urge to not give the gift

However am I being unreasonable?

OP posts:
MadameCholetsDirtySecret · 24/02/2017 17:44

No you aren't. What a grabby 'friend'.

blueskyinmarch · 24/02/2017 17:44

I suppose only you know his sense of humour but i think he is ribbing you for forgetting the gift given that you had already said you would give it to him at the club.

CarTrack · 24/02/2017 17:45

Sounds like a joke to me. In a 'haha, wink wink' kind of way.

SorrelSoup · 24/02/2017 17:47

Kind of, but he obviously feels he knows you well enough to send you a "cheeky" message. There was a smiley too. I don't think I could get worked up about it. You could send something naff back like "my presence was your present you cheeky git".

rollonthesummer · 24/02/2017 17:47

I presume-as he's your friend-he's just being funny rather than rude!

I'd have given it to him on the 15th or the 21st and if I'd forgotten to take it on the 21st-I'd have said, 'omg-I forgot your present-I'm really sorry!'

jcne · 24/02/2017 17:47

Weird

Birdsgottaf1y · 24/02/2017 17:50

We would happily exchange those sorts of messages between our friendship group and in my family.

It's not grabby if you always exchange gifts. If one of us was short, we'd let the recipient know, via someone in the group and they'd know that they'd eventually get something.

He might consider you a closer friend than you do, him, to not take this as a fun cheeky text.

sonjadog · 24/02/2017 17:51

I think it is just a joke. I wouldn´t get worked up about it.

BlackMirror · 24/02/2017 17:53

Bit entitled at his age.

Bluntness100 · 24/02/2017 17:54

He's not a very good friend if in retaliation to this text you don't text back and you want to know give him his gift. Do you not really like him?

SpongeBobJudgeyPants · 24/02/2017 17:56

Not sure...does he have form for being grabby? Or is this just his sense of humour.

GirlOverboard · 24/02/2017 17:56

It's just a friendly, jokey text message! Do you take everything so literally?

Floey · 24/02/2017 18:00

I think there was a typo in the OP. Surely you mean it was his 10th birthday!

EmeraldIsle86 · 24/02/2017 18:01

My bff sent me a message saying 'where the fuck is my card then Emerald? You know I'm away from tomorrow?'

I wasn't offended at all because I know her well enough to know she was joking. If I had that message from an aquaintance then it would be completely different.

Only you know your friend well enough to sense the tone/intent...on the face of it though, if he's a fairly good friend I'd say you were bu.

LucklessMonster · 24/02/2017 18:01

It's the kind of thing that would happen with my friends.

"I'll give you your present on X!"
X date passes
"Yeah, yeah, you forgot my birthday didn't you?"

It's a joke and we would all know there is no real expectation of a present (because who cares at our age?).

Only you know whether your friend would mean this as a joke or not.

coldcanary · 24/02/2017 18:02

If he's a good friend I would take in the spirit of a joke (considering the daft emoji at the end) and text back that you did but drank it or something like that complete with equally silly emoji. But that's just how me & the friends I'm close enough to buy birthday presents for would act.

blowmybarnacles · 24/02/2017 18:03

You made him a cake didn't you? He should be a bit more patient, I'd be irked by that message too.

derenstar · 24/02/2017 18:05

I think if you'd never said anything about getting him a gift and he sent that, then I'd find it cheeky/rude but as you told him you'd got him something and that you'd give it to him, you raised his expectation. I dislike when people do that because then you're put in an awkward position of having to ask. I personally wouldn't have said anything but I have friends who feel comfortable enough with our friendship that would. If he's a good friend, apologise, give him the gift and move on. If not, cut loose. Simples

apringle · 24/02/2017 18:06

He's 30! He doesn't need a birthday present- you even baked him a cake already! If he persists tell him you expect a party bag.

Original poster
00100001 · 24/02/2017 18:06

Fair enough! I'm a prat! Grin

OP posts:
StealthPolarBear · 24/02/2017 18:07

Are you sure he's not worried uou gave him something and he's not thanked you?

littlefrog3 · 24/02/2017 18:14

Cheeky sod. Then again, is he being cheeky? Only you know.

How come you didn't message him to say 'sorry I forgot to give you your pressie, will do so soon.'

Still, if I had been in his shoes, I would NEVER have asked. bit rude!

MistressMolecules · 24/02/2017 18:17

I probably take offence far more than I should but I don't think that is rude in the context - that text without knowing you had told him you got him a present and forgot it etc then yeah probably but in this case no!

omnishamblesssssssssssssss · 24/02/2017 18:17

It's tongue in cheek I think

Cel982 · 24/02/2017 18:18

I think it's a passive aggressive text dressed up as a joke; the addition of the smiley means he can claim he was only messing about if you get annoyed.