To think LTR's aren't a thing anymore??

[Karmaisabitch]

This has been something I've thought about for days now.

Are long term relationships becoming more uncommon by the day?? It seems people are only together between a year & maybe 5 but are splitting. Is it because there is too much choice?? Too many issues?? People seem to be cheating a hell of a lot more, blender families seem to be way more common than before too!

Just seems rare to think il meet someone in say 10+ years who'll say they've been with their partner say 20 years!

I don't know if there is a social element or not. I can just notice that there in my entire (large) family, there are only a couple of divorcees. Only one of my friend divorced and has since remarried. Pretty much all my kids friends live with their mum and dad. I don't think divorce is frown upon at all, it is just quite rare around me. I do agree though that it is easier to be compatible with someone when you marry later in life, and had time to enjoy your youth a little bit. No resentment or feeling that you have missed out.

I can't remember where I read it, but I saw something a while ago that made me think. Apparently it's our Parent's/Grandparent's generation where the average length of marriages was unusually high and the number of marriages the average person had was unusually low. In fact in Victorian times those two stats were about the same as they were when the article was written. It's just in the 1800's the marriages tended to be ended by death not divorce.

That being said I've been married for 10 years, my sister has been married for 18, my parents and in laws are both heading towards their 50ths. And there has only been one divorce amoungst our friends from uni too.

Divorce became much easier and cheaper in the 1960s and the women's movement that followed made women realise they didn't have to put up and shut up. The Pill, invented about 1960, gave women real control over their fertility for the first time. The combination of factors has definitely changed patterns in LTRs and family dynamics.

I think it depends on the people within the relationship. Society, for many reasons, is a lot more accepting these days than it was when I was growing up. There is less judgment and the dynamics have changed. There was huge stigma attached to being an unmarried mother or being a divorcee a few decades ago. Times and views change.

i have a very unscientific theory that people in villages are more likely to be in LTR than those in towns and cities. I live in a village where most adults are in LTR and are married. On the other hand I work with people from more urban backgrounds and would say the prevalence of divorce and singletons seems higher.

Now, it could just be me (and probably is), but I wonder if settled people choose to live In villages, or if the external factors that cause relationship breakdown are less common?

Either way my answer to the OP is that LTRs are definitely a thing in villages

A lot also depends on what you feel is a serious relationship.

I wouldn't ever consider myself to have been anything other than just shagging/dating someone I had only been involved with for less than about 3 years. It wouldn't register on my serious radar

I am in my 50's. I don't know one person as a friend who is still with their first husband, not a single one. I was with mine for 20 years, it still ended. In contrast to this my parents and most of my friends parents, now in 70's and 80's are still together. My own parents were both professionals and earned a similar income, my Mother certainly did not rely on my father to support her. However, I think they took marriage vows more seriously for a multitude of reasons. My own DD and her friends, in early 30's, have mostly not chosen to marry. The ones that have are far from happy and it's only a matter of time before they divorce, this goes the same for cohabiting. I sincerely hope my DD chooses never to marry

I don't think long term relationships are a good thing for 26 year olds. You change so much in the years up to your mid twenties, I don't think you should tie yourself down before then.

I think you change a lot when you reach your 50s too. The mid life crises is not a myth.

Actually, nearly all my friends have been with their partners 20 plus years. But yes, in our fifties, some of us are having to work at it a bit.

I think some people don't want serious and it's much more ok now for a women to not want serious, she no longer has to pick one man and stay with him until she dies no matter what if she doesn't want too.

Contraception is more advanced these days so you can play around a bit and be safe

More women can support themselves these days better in terms of money so don't have to stay with man they don't want

Saying that I have been with dh 20 years

Most of my friends are on their 2nd or even 3rd serious relationship & I'm only 26!

I'm also 26. I've been with DH for about five years. Dated casually before I met him and before that I was with someone for three years (17 - 20).

I think that's pretty normal? My brother is 21 and is on his third gf, having been with the last two for a couple of years each. How many people really marry their first teenage bf/gf and stay with them, happily, forever?

When I was 26, very fewof my friends were in long term relationships. Now that I'm in my 40s, most of them are, in most cases with people who they'd been dating for a short time at around the age of 26.

I could have said the same as you at 26, excepting myself. At nearly twice that age, hardly any of my friends and family have been together less than 10 years, and most of them much much longer. I think it's a good thing that people don't feel pressured to stay in poor relationships, but none of my friends are divorced from their first spouses. So far.

I think as others say these days it's ok these days for women to want causal short relationships, women don't have to stick with one man no matter what he does etc, women can support themselves better/are allowed to work and so on.

Saying that I've been with dh 10 years and a fair few of our friends have been together the same amount of time.

My brother however had many relationships but nothing lasting longer than 2 years until he got to 34 and met his now wife.

I am one of 5 siblings, all of us are in relationships 20+ years.

I work in a team of 6 people, all of us are in 15+ years married.

Most of ds's friends (not all they are a couple of blended families) from school and footie team have parents who have dc aged 13+ and are still together. So you can assume on average they've been together 15+ years.

Younger people do seem to wait a little later before committing to a very LTR than before, but I don't think you can say LTR's are a thing of the past until you are measuring people 45-50+ years old.

You're only 26! I met dh at 24 and married him at 26, but felt v young really. Since 16 I'd been in roughly 2 year relationships with different people. Really didn't plan on settling down that young and was one of first of my friends to get married. Having said that, another friend has been with same man for 20 years.

Yes, I agree with you but this forum won't give you the 'average' answer as, by its nature, most will be in secure relationships (married probably) due to having children.

I think with each generation, you see less and less long term committment by couples. There is simply too much choice now, not only for new partners but new beginnings in terms of lifestyle, location, jobs etc..

Come over to the dating thread for proof!

You realise of course that you're going to get loads of posts saying "well I've been with DH 100 years", don't you grin
Yes I have been married to DH for 30 years. You can't generalise though.

Here's a thought. Imagine the first person you ever had sex with. Now, imagine spending the rest of your life with them. I'll let that sink in a minute ...............................................................................................................................
I reckon we're better off being able to sleep around and pick and choose nowadays, don't you?

At first I got a bit irritated at your op because it seemed to tar everyone with the same brush but actually I don't think it's a question of being unable I think it's actually as others have said about people being less likely to accept things that they were expected to in the past.

I've always been annoyed with the concept that different generations were better because they didn't throw things awayou they fixed them and I don't always see that's ok , often fixin them is code for one person havino to be unhappy

My relationship (married for 8 of them) of ten years has ended , I consider that a long time and in that time there were many points I could have left but stayed to work on things , none of the work was enough to save us ultimately but I don't feel I've just given up

I am ten years older than you granted but my generation seems to be seen as somewhat relationshiply feckless

I think I do think it's more acceptable for marriages to end now or LTR to end and it's normalised , of course it wI'll lead to people giving up easily but if it means it's easier for those to leave abusive relationshipso I think it's a good thing

I'm glad the standard now is for it to be OK to seek happiness and change things if they are bad , I know that comes at a price of some instability but I guess it's about having to choose which is more acceptable

I actually did that, stubborn, but I'm one of very few people I know who did that, but it was a combination of accident, laziness and being very picky.

The majority of my peers are married or in a LTR, we are mid-twenties.

When I was 26, I knew 2 couples in ltr's. They are still together. Of the large group of friends I had them, we are all in relationships of 10 + years in our 40's bar two women who are happily single. Frankly, isn't that what your 20's are for? Going from boyfriend to boyfriend, job to job and holidays to places without a kids club? My parents have been married 45 years. They barely speak 2 words to each other.

Leaving aside the fact you think young people can't hold down a job

*People don't feel shamed into sticking with a shitty relationship for the sake of appearances any more.

This is a good thing, so long may it continue*
I totally agree with this.

My mum's first marriage was around 26 years, in a relationship for 18 months before that, from when they were both 20, before he left her for another woman. He was abusive within the first year but she was too ashamed to leave him and thereafter got pregnant and was forced to marry him. He was abusive, physically and mentally, towards her for the duration of their marriage and latterly to us kids too.
The first man I lived with, I met when I was 19. We were together about a year and he hit me. Being the stubborn arse I stayed with him a further year and a half. in years gone by the pressure would be on for me to stay with him, we already lived together. That pressure wasn't there and my mum rushed me home when I told her everything.
The point being, I was free then to find my DP now who, by all evidence to date, is wonderful. I'd argue I had it better.

Quote fail. Sorry!