To have a little whinge about how privileged patents of NT children are?

[ChangedUsername123]

😩
It's half lighthearted, half just exhausted from a horrific day.

DS is 3 and is autistic. He's non verbal, a bolter, doesn't understand language, has no way of communicating and is EXTREMELY strong. (Took four very big male doctors to pin him down to examine him last time we were in A&E)

So stupidly, today, in half term we went to a soft play. 'The best soft play in your area!' It had amazing reviews, and I spent ages researching it, like, hours. Me and DH decided it would be safe, as it lets adults onto the main frame, and there was a gated 1-5 section that looked amazing, and there was a sensory room if it all went to pot and he needed to calm after a meltdown.

Well. We spent the best part of £20 for DS to have a meltdown, nearly be scalded by coffee and have a serve asthma attack from the panic attack he had. It was horrendous.
We lasted 20 minutes.
There was a second floor!!!! Not just a second floor in the climbing frame, a whole bloody second floor where kids could exit the play frame! And parents were m sat with hot drinks and food. I know to most kids and parents this would be fine, but oh god it terrified us! DS broke free from DH and was halfway down the stairs in mere seconds. He nearly tripped and fell, but luckily we had the reins on so DH caught him before he tumbled. And just the thought of there being an entire area where DS could be doing whatever he liked without us knowing was so bizarre, I've never been to a soft play like that before!

Then the exits from the soft play itself. Omg there were tonnes! We couldn't keep track of him at all! One went straight into the cafe area, where parents were leaving with hot drinks. It's not as if DS would exit the frame then go back in or even come and find us he'd just run, either out towards the door or to a strangers table.
The 1-5 area was full of older kids, the gate was never shut and it was absolute bedlam. There was even a kid ON TOP of the frame at one stage. The sensory room was in the middle of the baby area, so was louder than literally anywhere else so that didn't calm him down. Then to top it all off, our pram didn't fit in the baby change OR the disabled toilets (it's only a bugaboo donkey, not a bus)

It'd be so nice sometimes to not have to carry out personal risk assessments on a new place, it'd be so nice to not panic about losing him every waking hour. We take a picture every day before we leave the house, so we know what he's wearing in case he bolts. Even with the reins, he still occasionally manages to break free. I was so jealous of all the parents sitting there watching their kids, knowing they'd just come back to their table.
I wouldn't change DS for the world, but my god, today was hard work.

We just thought we'd brave a new place. HUGE mistake haha

Fuck yes to this. DD had a favoured soft play with lovely staff and no exits. We tried another... DD has ADHD and is a bolter. She was potty training at the time and decided to stay at the top of an enormous climbing frame and do a poo. It was...contained... in her clothes. But I didn't go to that soft play again.

You have my sympathy OP.

Soft Play is just the 9th circle of hell. My DS doesn't have any SN's but I found taking him to these places hugely stressful.

Bigger kids in the toddler area not being supervised, adults obvious to the mayhem on their phones, roving gangs of kids using the equipment unsafely, hot drinks being carried around in areas with kids running around faster than Usain Bolt and the noise - OMG the noise....it was just torture.

I don't know what gave me more pleasure, the day he stopped needing nappies or the day he was too old for soft play .

Trampolining "more contained"? Perhaps, but it's actually more dangerous for our autistic son as he doesn't understand that he cannot just run from one jump bed to another to another, where somebody much larger might actually be jumping and could land on him. We only risk the trampoline centre when they have a specific ASD session for young children, so (1) there are no adults jumping and (2) everybody's child is just as random!

I dislike softplay frames that have more than one entrance/exit, although I'm happy to let our son climb up, I then have to judge which exit he's likely to appear from, so it's not calming. I'm so envious of the parents who sit back and have coffee; I'm the helicopter parent, constantly watching my child, hands at the ready to grab him when he bolts from whichever exit he chooses.

We have a new softplay in our area, which has only one entrance/exit AND runs specialist sessions for autistic/LD children. It's brilliant.

wow it's so hard when you try to do something really nice for your kids, it costs a bomb and it's a total nightmare. so sorry you went through that. offload away.

MrsTerryPratchett omg that's amazing! DH would have called that 'marking her territory'

Poor kid has had a hell of a week! He's a 'boy bit' fiddler, the daft bugger snapped his banjo string (technical term, penile frenulum) last week, and had to be blue lighted to alder hey, thought this would be a bit of fun now the downstairs area was healed up

Next time I'm just going to spend a fortune on those ride tokens, and let him and DH go round on the shitty caterpillar ride a hundred times! Least we'll know where he is

Hats off to you. Honestly, I admire your strength and stamina. I know you have no choice, but still. I hope you both get a chance to have a rest and time to yourselves on occasion.

Totally sympathise with you, DS2 was exactly the same at that age, going to a soft play was absolutely awful. We soon learnt which ones we could go to (i.e. Ones with just one exit).

Trial and error, don't give up just yet on soft plays. Half terms are crazy in soft plays anyway, can you try take him to one during school time when it's more calmer, assuming he isn't at school yet?

FromDistantOphir thank you
Luckily, we have sleepers, so they're both in bed now, and we're ordering a take away

Next time I'm just going to spend a fortune on those ride tokens, and let him and DH go round on the shitty caterpillar ride a hundred times! Least we'll know where he is I love those. Strapped in. Bliss.

Really OP and to anyone else who has been in same position, am I being paranoid? As I said DS i almost 2 and does not answer to his name, doesnt understand anything I say. He understands no and thats basically it. He ignores everything else and doesn't understand general instruction like come here, look, bring me your shoes etc. He has no words apart from counting to ten and the word no. He shakes his head but doesnt nod, saying that he only shakes his head if you are doing something he doesnt want, not if you ask him something. He has waved less than 5 times in his life and pointed twice. I keep getting told all children develop differently but he just seems SO behind his peers. I really do think theres more to it?

I know exactly how you feel. I had the same with my 9yo daughter who has ASD. After our holiday last year I swore we were never repeating that experience. She escaped the pool and was making her way down to the beach when we caught her. She just kept bolting from our room. It was impossible to keep track of her. The final straw was when I took her back to the room on my own. I locked the front door while I went to the loo. She managed to escape out of the balcony door. I had to abandon the loo and get my wet swimming costume back on so I could chase her. Not my finest moment.

You have sleepers? Talk about privilege!

hilbil21 - send me a message and we'll have a chat, i'll be honest, it doesn't sound like you're being paranoid, no

MrsTerryPratchett i know, I feel like I'm cheating this whole parenting lark tbh. They go to sleep at 6:30, and don't wake up till 6:30 (unless DS1 has an asthma night)

I don't do soft play - decided several years ago it was no fun and that was that. No more soft play. Mine only go if they are specifically invited to a soft play party. My ASD son is now too old for his peers to have soft play parties so I never go now. Not that he gets invited to parties.... but that's a whole different story!

I find my son was always better off out in the countryside or outdoors in the park.

I feel for you OP. Soft play is a scary place when busy! What a shame it was a waste of your money. I hope you can take your on mid-week term time to enjoy it. I had to Google 'NT' I'm not generally an ignorant person by any means but I didn't know what it meant. Others might not be familiar either.

Oh Angelika321 that sounds absolutely horrendous. Props to you for being an amazing parent Have you looked into a tracker bracelet/tag? We're thinking of getting one for DS. It links in within your phone, and rings red alert if they're a certain distance away from you, or near mapped water (lakes, rivers etc)
DS is OBSESSED with water, it's our biggest fear that he just wanders into a lake and doesn't stop.

OP I have pmd you hope you get it

You're not on the Wirral are you? It sounds like a soft play my friend braved once with four kids, two of which have autism. Never again!

Never never go to soft play - I never managed more than 5 mins in the place before one of the DC would be sporting an egg-sized bump, a black eye or having been thumped / sat on by somebody else's unsupervised child.... Hate the places!

changedusername come and join our friendly 'how does SEN life differ from regular families' thread in Chat. We are in similar boats and it's nice to know you are not alone. Parents of NT children are indeed privileged. I was one for several years and I didn't realise how different parenting could be until DS came along.

AmysTiara I most certainly am not from the Wirral I'm from a much better place over the water
It's probably the same place, there's not many places like it around that neck of the woods!

ChangedUsername123 I have looked into this but she won't wear a bracelet. She also has PICA which means she chews and eats non food stuff. The bracelet would be in pieces once she'd finished with it!

Boogle Oh I'd love to! I'll have a search for the thread now :)

Angelika321 same issue here really, there is one coming out that's basically just a clip on tag for their clothing, so I don't think DS would notice too much...but knowing him he'd launch it into the ocean and give us all a heart attack