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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To view looking after my son as a chore

41 replies

user1487622990 · 22/02/2017 17:29

I thought I'd love being a Mum. Had all these visions of watching proudly as my child painted pictures, helped me cook, learned to ride a bike. My child would be such a laugh and I would enjoy sitting down playing games with him/her and being delighted in their presence.

How wrong was I!!!

I know parenting is hard work but I actually view looking after my Son as a chore. The days when I'm looking after him for the whole day, I have to put a timeline up and choose activities which will keep me from feeling brain dead.

I admit I view the days I have him for the whole day (all the time at the moment except when his dad has him two days out of 8) as a day I have to get through and I'm counting down the hours until bedtime when I go on mumsnet, make myself a hot chocolate and read a book.

The evening is the part of the day I really enjoy. Can't say I enjoy looking after my son and I don't believe for a second I'm suffering with any kind of postnatal depression.

I would die for my Son, but I can't wait until he's 18 or at least secondary school age when he can have friends over and entertain himself! 😂

I think I'm a good Mum, I give my life to my Son. But I don't enjoy looking after a young child (he's 3) and find it a chore.

It takes me every bit of willpower I have to not spend the day on the phone!

I'm going to be starting full time work soon amd I'm sure once that happens I'm going to enjoy him much more as It won't be a case of having him day in and day out and I will have adult interaction and mental stimulation.

For now though, I find looking after my Son more of a chore than enjoyable.

AIBU?

OP posts:

Soubriquet · 22/02/2017 17:33

I feel the same sometimes

I adore my kids and I dread the days when they get old but at the same time I look forward to it too

I love being a mum, but not so keen on the parenting side of it all

Eolian · 22/02/2017 17:35

Aww don't worry - you won't have to wait until he's 18 for it to get better! My ds is 8 and has spent most of the day entertaining himself. Anyway, toddlers are tiring and tricky. Once you can have proper conversations with him it will be totally different.

NataliaOsipova · 22/02/2017 17:37

It gets a lot more fun as they get older, I think. Life's easier generally- and you have a proper relationship with them. (Not looking forward to the teenage years though!)

Notreallyhappy · 22/02/2017 17:37

I feel for you. I wouldn't be without mine...but wouldn't do it again...and I've told him he's 18

watchoutformybutt · 22/02/2017 17:38

Oh I hear you. I sometimes dread my son's day off from preschool just because entertaining him and keeping him happy is so hard. He has SEN and the meltdowns are explosive, I can't cope with it sometimes. It makes me feel so shoddy, I want took forward to spending time with him and I want to feel enthusiastic and positive but it's bloody hard. His sister is very easy compared but generally I find very young children hard. I loved the baby stage. I'm hoping as they get a bit bigger things will get more interesting.. god that sounds awful.

HardToDeal · 22/02/2017 17:38

How old is he? I have a 3yo DD and 5yo DS. DD can definitely be a bit of a chore if you're not feeling it - I have to join in the right way, read her mind, listen to the same thing over and over - but DS really isn't. He's self sufficient a lot of the time but if we go for days out together for example he really engages, talks to me properly about it, we can reminisce afterwards...I'm a single parent so it's nice to have some conversation even if it's with a 5yo! And we have family jokes etc too. So it gets easier quite quickly really.

harderandharder2breathe · 22/02/2017 17:39

Three year olds are hard work!

But in a few more years he'll be more independent and able to play on his own a bit more and share in humour more with adults (some of my Brownies age 7-10 get sarcasm, some of them don't quite yet). And be able to have a proper conversation that is interesting for you as well.

Marylou2 · 22/02/2017 17:39

I think it's an age thing OP. It gets much better after about 5 in my experience when they become better company. I felt exactly as you feel now. Hang in There!

formerbabe · 22/02/2017 17:40

DC are exhausting. I'll confess to really enjoying the time when my DC are at school then counting down the hours till bedtime.

Oh and I can't wait till they're adults...I'll be out every night and off on a round the world holiday!

I also completely adore them and would die for them.

This is motherhood!

Shadowboy · 22/02/2017 17:40

I totally get this at times too! You are not alone.

AlexanderBerry · 22/02/2017 17:41

It's very hard at that age but they entertain themselves long before secondary school. It gets easier.

ollieplimsoles · 22/02/2017 17:43

Totally not alone, my DD is 16 months and I love her more than anything, I don't see the days we spend together as a chore so much- more a shift at work or something, except breaks are not statutory 😅

DurhamDurham · 22/02/2017 17:45

I think it definitely gets more interesting the older they are, I've found every stage fascinating but have more fun now that they're olde. My two are adults now and we enjoy each other's company and plan activities to do together.
Once they can talk and have opinions and go to school they develop a life of their own. I was always glad to work as I knew that one day the girls wouldn't need me as much and I didn't want my life to be empty without them. I have a full social life, not as exciting as the girls, so I think the message I want to give is that it does get a lot more interesting and challenging, the teenage years are tricky but I wouldn't have swapped it for anything.

Tootsiepops · 22/02/2017 17:45

I have a toddler. Love her, but agree that looking after little ones is an absolute chore. Mealtimes are hideous (my daughter is 15 months), she's constantly trying to climb on everything, hates napping, and regularly throws temper tantrums because she's too little to do very much for herself. I'm on mumsnet trying to put off doing the bedtime routine because it's exhausting having your child scream about getting in the bath, then getting out the bath, then scream some more about getting pjs on, if milk isn't the right temperature, getting teeth brushed etc. My head hurts just thinking about it...

Boygirlmummy · 22/02/2017 17:52

I feel exactly the same; DS is nearly 4 and DD nearly 2. Absolutely the hardest time of my life. So depressed and utterly shattered and bored, day in day out. It's a relief so many of you are saying it'll get easier pretty soon....!! Hang in there OP. I'm with you!!

SunshineAllTheWhile · 22/02/2017 17:55

YANBU in my opinion! My DS is 2 & a couple of months and I'm 6 months pregnant with DD... I've had hyperemesis and generally feeling grotty. I love him with all my heart & he is bloody lovely, quick with laughter and cuddles, but every day I have him on my own I feel a bit overcome at the prospect of the whole day laid out in front us. He doesn't play on his own & won't even sit in front of the TV on his own if I put it on while I cook lunch/dinner. I don't have the energy for his tantrums, crying fits & endless "I wants".

I loved the baby stage but this toddler bit is really hard work (understatement)... I have always tried never to wish the time away as I can see already that it flies through our hands so quickly. However, I do long for the day I am less "intimidated" by our days together (or for me to grow some extra patience from somewhere) to you!

YouMeddlingKids · 22/02/2017 17:57

Three year olds are hard work! My six year old is now fab, you'll get there

ParadiseCity · 22/02/2017 17:59

It will pass. My 12yo text me today when I was at work to tell me he's done the hoovering and the laundry and cleaned up from making me sandwiches. It gets better

BareGrylls · 22/02/2017 18:01

Three is very hard work but when mine was that age he had DS2 to play with. The two of them entertained each other pretty much until teenage years when they developed different interests.
Only children always require more parental entertainment IMO.

formerbabe · 22/02/2017 18:02

I don't mean to piss on everyone's chips but I don't think it's got easier for me. It's just as hard but in different ways. My two are both primary school age and argue constantly, answer me back and still call "muuuuuuuuuuummmmm" every fifteen seconds.

RedAndYellowStripe · 22/02/2017 18:02

YEp and that's why I, and a lot of others, have gone back to work.
Because looking after a little one can be so boring that yu ne up loosing yourself.

It does get better as they are getting older. Not just easier but you can do more that you will both enjoy.

Fwiw, I also made sure we did things that I enjoyed too. So at that age, we went on walks, museums etc... sometimes modified a bit so it would be manageable for them but always with the idea that it should be enjoyable for me.
Kept my sanity.

measles64 · 22/02/2017 18:05

So glad to read this, I was so bored with babies and a two and four year old at times it aint easy. My own grandchild I found boring until recently, it does improve. With my own children I found part time work such a wonderful thing, talking to adults was so much more appreciated than before.

Archimandrite · 22/02/2017 18:09

I reckon if people were really honest, you'd find that you aren't alone in how you're feeling.

There IS a lot of hard work, repetition, frustration, exhaustion involved in caring for young children. You can love them to bits but that doesn't take away the sheer grind of day to day looking-after.

It may be that you'll find the time you do spend with him is far more enjoyable and precious once you go back to work. Three year olds are really full-on and often make a big thing out of the smallest thing. They do change as they get older they really do.

Don't beat yourself up about how you feel. Three year olds can be really hard-going .

SweetChickadee · 22/02/2017 18:15

This is why I didn't have kids. I knew I'd feel like this or worse. The idea of living with a small child horrifies me.

Not really something you can say to friends with kids who ask why we don't have any

Penhacked · 22/02/2017 18:18

Walking home with my five year old today, he randomly grabbed a lamppost and clung on, jolting me back. He said, do you remember this game?'. Then the horror of that game when he was three came flooding back, I had already forgotten! He used to cling on every rail and lamppost as we walked along and the 'game' was me pulling him off. Involuntary shudder still have a one year old

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