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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To view looking after my son as a chore

41 replies

user1487622990 · 22/02/2017 17:29

I thought I'd love being a Mum. Had all these visions of watching proudly as my child painted pictures, helped me cook, learned to ride a bike. My child would be such a laugh and I would enjoy sitting down playing games with him/her and being delighted in their presence.

How wrong was I!!!

I know parenting is hard work but I actually view looking after my Son as a chore. The days when I'm looking after him for the whole day, I have to put a timeline up and choose activities which will keep me from feeling brain dead.

I admit I view the days I have him for the whole day (all the time at the moment except when his dad has him two days out of 8) as a day I have to get through and I'm counting down the hours until bedtime when I go on mumsnet, make myself a hot chocolate and read a book.

The evening is the part of the day I really enjoy. Can't say I enjoy looking after my son and I don't believe for a second I'm suffering with any kind of postnatal depression.

I would die for my Son, but I can't wait until he's 18 or at least secondary school age when he can have friends over and entertain himself! 😂

I think I'm a good Mum, I give my life to my Son. But I don't enjoy looking after a young child (he's 3) and find it a chore.

It takes me every bit of willpower I have to not spend the day on the phone!

I'm going to be starting full time work soon amd I'm sure once that happens I'm going to enjoy him much more as It won't be a case of having him day in and day out and I will have adult interaction and mental stimulation.

For now though, I find looking after my Son more of a chore than enjoyable.

AIBU?

OP posts:

Cyclingforcake · 22/02/2017 18:25

So glad it's not just me. Thank you for your honesty everyone.

TheWeeBabySeamus1 · 22/02/2017 18:25

I know the feeling! Love him to bits but the repetitiveness of the games we play, reading the same books over, the tantrums.... I do find myself looking at the clock and trying to find an activity which will make the time before bed go quicker.

What helped massively was going back to work part time. It gave me a chance to re-charge and I really cherished the days when I was at home with him and genuinely enjoyed it. Lost my job last month but got an interview on Friday so fingers crossed.

museumum · 22/02/2017 18:28

My ds is 3.5 and I enjoy my days with him - because I work 4 days a week
It means the other three days I'm fresh and enthusiastic and have missed him.
Don't worry, you're not a bad mum if you don't love solo childcare 7 days a week!

HeadDreamer · 22/02/2017 18:34

You aren't alone in this. I can't imagine without my kids. But I have to say I look forward to bedtime in the weekend. Working full time helps because it makes me look forward to the weekend. However I get worn out by evening still. They get better when older too. DC1 is 5yo and she still doesn't play independently. However she will play with The 2yo when not fighting. So on a good day, like today, it wasn't such a chore. We went to a forest school in the morning. (Sign up to these. Someone is entertaining your child for a couple of hours)! Then they played and in the afternoon we had a school friend visiting. So not a lot of input needed from me. Also as they get older these activities don't involve you as the preschool ones. DC1 would group up with other children and did what was asked of them.

waterrat · 22/02/2017 18:42

well I do sort of understand, I have had days like that - are you with him all the time? I have had many days with my toddlers / 3 yr olds that i have enjoyed so it seems a bit extreme that you never enjoy it.

SUrely you enjoy being in the park with friends/ watching him enjoy himself etc?

toomuchtooold · 22/02/2017 18:46

helped me cook

Oh god, the "helping". Sometimes I bake cakes with the kids and every time it's a frantic race to stay one step ahead of them and keep their hands out of stuff until it's needed. And the mess, dear christ the mess.

I think some people are suited to small kids temperamentally, and there are some kids who're incredibly easy (my kids have a 4 yo cousin who quietly plays with his toy cars... all the time. Like all day. And eats dinner silently. He is from the other side of the family ). For the rest of us it is wearing, it just is. And with my kids (nearly 5, twins) I think the year when they were 3 was the worst. 4's quite nice. They start to be quite funny and they're not quite so chaotic.

FetchezLaVache · 22/02/2017 18:59

YA so NBU. You should probably consider going back to work, if at all possible (I realise it's not always that easy) - when DS was that age I worked all but three mornings a week, which just about kept me sane enough to launch myself with reasonable enthusiasm into puddle-jumping, scone-baking and cutting-pictures-out-of-magazines-and-gluing-them-to-things during our time together. You sound like I would have if I'd had to do that shit day in day out.

JamMakingWannaBe · 22/02/2017 19:58

What are you doing in your full days with him? I certainly couldn't entertain my 2yo DD at home for 12 solid, "mum help me do this" hours. We go to a Tumble Tots session and a fabulous free PlayGroup where I get a breather and she gets to burn off energy / make a mess, on my weekday off with her. As said upthread, if you are not getting out and about - even just to the local playpark or a trip to the shops, you need to - for your own sanity! Hats off to all SAHM. I LOVE my DD but appreciate the time we spend together cos I do work outside home.

downwardfacingdog · 22/02/2017 19:58

Yanbu. Three is the worst age ever IMO. I'm so glad I'm past all that. It definitely does get easier. Some of my friends have 3 and 4 year olds and they stop me getting broody! I would love another snuggly newborn, but couldn't bear another pre-schooler. I'm enjoying my kids much more now they're older.

JamMakingWannaBe · 22/02/2017 19:58

Sorry, that should have read SAHP.

refusetobeasheep · 22/02/2017 20:02

Every now and then you will find you are enjoying it - just pause when that happens and take a mental snapshot. Own that at that point it was great. Then it won't be just one hard long slog. But a hard long slog with (admittedly relatively few) bright periods of light!

Vanillaradio · 22/02/2017 20:03

I get it op. I have a 3 year old. I also work 3 days a week. The two days on my own with him are much much more tiring. If I had to do it full time I would be a wreck by now.

HeyRoly · 22/02/2017 20:06

I'm with you dude. It's a chore. I'm looking forward to them (currently 5 and 22m) being older and there being less relentless drudge work.

NormaSmuff · 22/02/2017 20:13

it is hard work.
you have to get out of the house, You need a break from the one to one of each other, it is really tiring.
three year olds can be difficult and non compliant and have their own agenda which doesnt often follow yours.

IckyPop · 22/02/2017 20:13

It is really hard. And I feel quite similar to you. I'm a SAHM, my son is 3.5 and doesn't yet go to nursery or anything. Every day is pretty much the same even though we do go to some groups. I find from 2pm on so tough as my energy disappears and the afternoon drags if we have no plans. Weekends blur into the next week too, not that much difference. I think also this age 3+ is really tough, as he seems to need so much of me still, is constantly asking questions (esp why?) which is great I know, but fuck me it can shred my nerves sometimes! And I've been doing it for 3 years and just need a fucking break now! I just try to get as much variation in the day as possible, which can be a major effort at times, and keep thinking that once we (DS and I) have a bit more time apart when he goes to nursery/pre-school, I will hopefully appreciate and enjoy my time with him a bit more.
So I'm sorry I've not been much help, just wanted to let you know you are not alone!

MsJudgemental · 22/02/2017 20:21

I was lucky in that my son was always happy to entertain himself for hours on end, from being a small baby lying under his playgym to a toddler / young child playing at shops, trains, drawing, writing, etc. Do you go to groups- tumble tots, music, etc., where he can be entertained by others and you can meet new people and have an adult conversation? You can both make new friends and set up play dates. He is old enough now to be able to get a free place at a preschool, surely. At 3, mine was doing 5 mornings a week, including lunch, from 9.30 until 1.30. We both made friends that lasted well into primary school and some into secondary and post-16.

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