To cancel these plans ?

[Babybubblescomingsoon]

Backstory : I was with a guy for 3 years. However in the last year he became obsessed with his religion and wouldn't so much as hold my hand in private as it was 'setting a bad example to the world'. Anyway we grew apart and broke up. He said being in a relationship wasn't appropriate but he may decide propose in a few years anyway so I shouldn't date anyone else in the meantime . I don't need that s**t in my life so knew I had to move on. Initially devestated to have lost my best friend but I am now in a very happy and loving relationship with 'the one', I am 500% convinced it was the right thing.

Ex and I used to be members of the same friendship group from the church ( I went along because I knew it meant a lot to him and wanted to support him) I asked to meet one of the girls for a drink tomorrow evening, she said 'that sounds good, I'll invite some others shall I? We're all at church beforehand so we can come after.' She then asked if there was anyone I didn't want her to invite (knowing ex and I aren't exactly friends). She hasn't invited ex because she knows I would feel weird about it. However the problem is, since losing me, ex-bf has realised that I'm not planning on coming back, and doesn't truly believe I'm happy without him. I've seen him once properly since we broke up, upon asking how I am, I said 'really good thanks!' His response? 'I don't believe you, I know you're good at hiding things'. Although I am genuinely thrilled with my life without him. Our friendship group keeps telling me how much he cares about me and misses me. Although he hasn't been invited tomorrow, I know he'll end up tagging along (under the suggestion of my friends) in the hope I'll see sense and run back to him. They're basically just concerned that I have decided Christianity isn't for me, so how can I possibly be happy with my new boyfriend? I'm worried if I don't want to see him, they'll assume I'm not over him. But at the same time, I'm moving on with my life, and don't want to have to sit around a table with the guy who destroyed my confidence because he wouldn't even touch me for the last year of our relationship. Wwyd? Sorry for the long post!!!

You are set to be the subject of an intervention. Definitely don't let it go ahead. If you're life isn't broken, don't let them try to fix it.

Slightly off the point, but there really is a special kind of arrogance in a man who breaks off with a woman but tells her she should keep herself single indefinitely, just in case he changes his mind in a few years' time and decides to bestow his lordly hand in marriage on her. Seriously, how does anyone whose mind works that way purport to be Christian?

I would go, look fabulous, take your BF with you, act natural and happy and confident.

Speak of the future, holidays and plans you have together. Show you ex that it is over and you have moved on (he seemed in denial the last time and needs a second reminder)

Respect their beliefs but don't allow them to force them on you, this meet up may be the final closure you need.

Babybubbles

"I'd struggle to be friends with a non-Christian"

This is (IMO) a massive red flag.

This kind of thing worries me and baffles me in equal measure.

Have these people never read their Bibles?

Christianity is not about living in some closed group of perfect, pure people who are certain that they know best. That is a sure way to stifle spiritual growth.

Christianity is a journey, not a destination.

Christianity is about faith not certainty. It's about asking questions, not about being handed answers.

Christianity is about inclusiveness and community not excluding people. Jesus consorted with lepers, tax collectors, and all sorts of people who weren't considered respectable.

1st Corinthians 13:13

"... the greatest of these is love"

It's not meant to be love just for those who agree with you!

Sorry, this stuff makes me so angry. I've had my own experience with these sorts of people - the manipulation and pressure to conform can be insidious.

If you have found a good man who makes you happy, that's wonderful. Don't let these people spoil it.

If you are stepping away from Christianity for now that's fine. You may find your way back to it later (or not). Life is a journey, follow your own heart and don't let anyone tell you you are on the wrong path just because it's not their path.

If they ever accept the fact that you won't join their Church, then you'll be dropped like a hot potato.

I can confirm this from personal experience - it's "bums on pews" as far as they are concerned. Once they realise you are a lost cause they won't even acknowledge you if you pass them in the street.

there really is a special kind of arrogance in a man who breaks off with a woman but tells her she should keep herself single indefinitely, just in case he changes his mind in a few years' time and decides to bestow his lordly hand in marriage on her. Seriously, how does anyone whose mind works that way purport to be Christian?

Or even sane, Magitherium?

Well said, ScarlettFreestone.

Thank you Where.

Good grief, run like the wind! Sounds a strange sort of Christianity if it's making them behave like that...

Excellent post ScarlettFreestone

Thanks for your replies everyone... think NC is indeed the way to go, I messaged this morning to say I'm ill was was greeted with 'that's fine, oops I messaged everyone to arrange this evening and accidentally ( invited ex-bf, do join us later if you feel like it'. As if the knowledge of him there would suddenly entice me to come

Who cares if she thinks something is up - cancel by text saying you cant make it

Just saw the upset - near miss that one

update*

Well done.
I love that she says it was accidental.
They are not normal.
Back away and stay away.

I would respond to her and be honest.

Dear friend, I really wanted to keep in touch with you but was worried the changes to our plans would mean that you would end up inviting the whole group including my ex boyfriend. I hope you can understand that it was you I wanted to see and that things between my ex and I have to work themselves out in their own way. I am sorry you couldn't see this and I will miss you. I would be delighted if we could arrange something with just us.

Another day I would not write that . The friendship is not a real one but an evangelical one. The friend has already stated that she doesn't want to be friends with non christians so sees op as fallen at the moment.
If the friendship continues then so called friend will eventually drop her due to self imposed rule .
Think you are right OP , NC is the way to go. But I would tell them straight your excuse was too nice and you will be bothered again.

Part of being an evangelical is evangelising - spreading the word and bringing others into the faith. She's not seeing you as a friend - or at least, she sees you as a friend who's on the wrong path and who she needs to bring back into the church. It comes with strings attached. Christianity shouldn't be exclusive, that was a central message that Jesus tried to convey, and if she can't be friends outside the church then she's doing it wrong. Walk away now - if it's not the right church for you then the friendship has nowhere to go.
I'm not christian, but as a faith it's very definitely a 'broad church' - if you're still interested try other more mainstream churches until you find one that works for you and that you are comfortable in.

I wouldn't mention the ex-bf Squabble - even a glancing reference to him will convince them (and him) that the OP is still desperately in love with him and can't trust herself in his presence.

I'd have been tempted to message back that it's just as well that I'm ill as if I had got there and discovered ex there I would have left - you knew I didn't want to see him, we are completely finished and breaking up with him is the best thing that has happened to me, now I know what true love is. I'd never settle for being in a relationship with a controlling and manipulative jerk idiot like ex again, he prefers see to be Christian but is actions show he's not.
It would have been lovely to met up with you for a good girly catch up, I really thought we were friends. But inviting everybody, even my ex, along, makes me think that you don't think of me as a friend in the same way.

Just out of interest - did the church expect reasonably significant sums of money from its members, more of a formal tithe rather than a handful of coins, three dogeared Sainsburys Active vouchers, a slightly sticky, slightly dusty cough sweet missing its wrapper and a bent paperclip dug out from the bottom of your handbag in a hurry... So do you also represent £££ as well as being a bum on a seat and a soul to save?

confuugled1 nope, no money involved. just a bunch of weirdo's. I'm not really interested in finding another church if I'm honest... I'm just ready to live my life now. It's nice to be able to spend time with friends and not have to watch my mouth in case i swear or accidentally say something rude I did truly believe they were great friends but they easily turned their backs on me and occasionally try to throw bibles at me so I was likely wrong...

I know they still think that I'm still in love with him, and that I can't move on but honestly, the guy was a freak, He used to be pretty cool but in that last year? Every sentence ended with, 'you should want to marry jesus and not me, I just want to be your brother in god, but we may marry one day' . I've met other christians from other churches who were fantastically lovely people, so PP's who are christians, thank you for being a great and lovely support, you've shown me it isn't all madness!

therefore yet, NC is the way to go, thanks everyone!!

Baby sounds like you've had a lucky escape!
Enjoy your freedom and being nc

more of a formal tithe rather than a handful of coins, three dogeared Sainsburys Active vouchers, a slightly sticky, slightly dusty cough sweet missing its wrapper and a bent paperclip dug out from the bottom of your handbag in a hurry.

You're obviously an Anglican Confuugled. In fact, it sounds as though you go to the same church as me!

" 'that's fine, oops I messaged everyone to arrange this evening and accidentally (hmm invited ex-bf, "

Goodness me, what an absolute surprise-not!

more of a formal tithe rather than a handful of coins, three dogeared Sainsburys Active vouchers, a slightly sticky, slightly dusty cough sweet missing its wrapper and a bent paperclip dug out from the bottom of your handbag in a hurry.

You're obviously an Anglican Confuugled. In fact, it sounds as though you go to the same church as me!

I'm Anglican too and regardless of the fact that I have been going to church for pretty much my whole life (though less often these days), I always forget to get my purse out until whoever is collecting is at the pew in front of me. Luckily for them, I don't have an Sainsburys Active vouchers or cough sweets so they get money of some description. Nothing like a last minute scramble!

Id go...and take your OH with you. If they were true friends anyway they would be happy for you surely?