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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think headteacher was slightly insensitive?

101 replies

StephensDW · 22/02/2017 11:36

I realise this situation is potentially my fault. I shouldn't have sent her in.

DD is a well behaved, polite student. She is in Yr 10. Has never had a detention, etc.

Our family dog wasn't very well. He had been here since DD was 4. He is very much loved. They were extremely close (she does agility competitions, etc. with him).

I said I'd text her to let her know how he got on at the vets (he had to stay in for testing, but I was collecting him).

She skipped the lesson which is the time I was collecting him (she has never done this before). Anyway, she was found and taken to Head of Years, but they were either teaching or in a meeting with the pastoral staff, so she was sent to the head.

He said to her that it "was a stupid reason to miss a lesson and really not important enough". This has been confirmed (got a phone call).

Anyway, our much loved boy was PTS. She wasn't aware of this yet and I explained on the phone that it's best he doesn't mention it, but I said I'd come and get her because she was clearly going to be sit waiting for the news and I told her I would let her know. PE was last lesson and so it wasn't the end of the world. This is when he said it would be a ridiculous reason to come and collect a 15 year old. He really was quite snappy. DD was sitting in the office at this point and it was all a bit of a mess tbh.

AIBU? Apart from the other bits that I admit were my fault.

OP posts:
LuluJakey1 · 22/02/2017 12:46

With that lack of sensitivity and emotional intelligence, he should not be a Headteacher. Write a letter of complant to the Chair of Governors. I am not joking- he is unlikely to lead people with any degree of success and his staff probably suffer at his hands daily. Prat.
Sorry about your dog. It is very upsetting to lose a pet.

NewPuppyMum · 22/02/2017 12:46

The morning my cat was out to sleep, that the children had had all their lives, we sent the children to school but with a note explaining what was happening and asking that they children be given support if needed. One teacher - wonderful. One teacher - not at all. Talked about it and so DS was teased at play time and told it was funny his cat was dying that day SadAngry.

AwaywiththePixies27 · 22/02/2017 12:48

YNBU! Talk about overzealous.

At the age of 18, we had to give our family dog up as we couldn't take him with us. I was pregnant and cried solidly for the next couple of days. We had gad him since he was a very young puppy.

Can't even begin to imagine what it feels like to have to see your dog PTS. I'm sorry for your loss OP Flowers HT is an insensitive twat.

AwaywiththePixies27 · 22/02/2017 12:50

NewPuppy that's awful! Sad

SaorAlbaGuBrath · 22/02/2017 12:55

When I was in my early 20s my family dog was PTS. I called my mum from a call box to ask how she was and Mum told me what had happened. I sat down on the pavement and cried like a child, for a good half hour. The headteacher sounds like an insensitive prick, I'm sorry this happened. And I'm very sorry about your dog too.

Carollocking · 22/02/2017 12:56

Bit of bigger animal but we had simmillar with my eldest daughters horse,I was awaiting the vet when she went to school and had to have put down on vets arrival it was 11 am and I had talk my daughter so I went the school with plans bring her home if need be.
Wonderful year head said very simmillar that it was only a horse not the end of the world,I didn't reply I found daughter and we left.she was so upset the rest that week she didn't go again till Monday.
Lots complaints already about said year head and mine also within a fortnight no longer the year head.
She wrote to me saying it was my fault lol I laughed so hard I wet

SaorAlbaGuBrath · 22/02/2017 12:56

NewPuppyMum the same thing happened with DS1 when our wee cat was run over, he was picked on and mocked by kids who pretended to be a dead cat every time he walked past. It was horrible.
Flowers for your kids.

Carollocking · 22/02/2017 12:57

So I'm sorry hear about your dog and the treatment of daughter by such a uncaring person

Hoppinggreen · 22/02/2017 12:58

I have lost a few dogs, some as a child and I was devastated each time.
I still well up when tinking about one in particular who was a huge part of my childhood and I would fight tears every time I met one of the same breed ( have one now so no need!!)
However, despite the fact that my DD adores our dog and would be really upset if anything happened to him as the parent I would do my best to shield her from it. I wouldn't tell her or anyone else he had been PST until she was home and I could handle it sensitively
I agree that THe Head could have handled it better but so could you OP.

NewPuppyMum · 22/02/2017 12:59

AWTP27 - sadly I wasn't surprised over the cruel child and I was thrilled to bits to take them out of that school.

SAGB - that is so cruel. I'm so sorry for your poor boy and you too for your loss.

Crumbs1 · 22/02/2017 13:01

She should not ha e just bunked off. Perhaps if she'd asked first she might have had a more positive response. Those calling head all sorts of names for doing their job are probably first ones to complain about a school where there were poor results and poor discipline ( given two tend to be linked). Sad for her dog but why were you phoning her at school to upset her? Why not make an appointment she could have joined you at? Vets appointments are hardly as scarce as GPs.

Helenluvsrob · 22/02/2017 13:01

Dunno. I honk maybe you can't see what's kindest to dd.
I have not got dogs , but last year when my dad was dying my plan was simply for youngest ( same age as yours then) to say bye at the weekend then be told after school of heroes during the school day when we were all safely together. Was it really a good plan to text her during the scho day with info that he was worse ? Bugger all she could do except worry / beupset without family support.

Just my 2p

BoneyBackJefferson · 22/02/2017 13:03

LuluJakey1

that is a pretty big overreaction from you with loads of assumptions.

user1484539497 · 22/02/2017 13:03

What an insensitive twat. I've has 2 dogs PTS in the past decade and left both school and work straight away. Yanbu at all, I hope you said something to the head or will when you've recovered a bit.

Iggi999 · 22/02/2017 13:05

Sorry for the loss of your dog.
If you decided she should go to school you should never have said you'd text her an update, there is always the chance of bad news. The issue of you collecting her is not the same as the issue of her skiving a class - in one case you are taking responsibility for her (a bit early, in the other noone is in charge of her or knows where she is. That cannot be condoned by the school. Even if she's gone to medical saying she was too upset to go to class - you can't just wander off alone.

Is the head normally ok in his dealings with your dd? If so I would let this go.

F1GI · 22/02/2017 13:10

He was a mean and ignorant prick. I would have stood up to him and told him to educate himself in some areas:

A) the value of a dog to a family and the grief when the dog dies

B) considering each case on its merits (i.e. Well behaved pupil with no misdemeanours) rather than blindly (and stupidly) applying rules

C) being a human being with empathy

But then I very forthright as a result of previously being trampled on. No more!

MalletsMallets · 22/02/2017 13:11

Head is a dick. It doesn't take a lot to have some compassion.
When my beloved cat was run over, I didn't make it into work. Manager thought I was being ridiculous, so I took it to the owner (think big prestigious company) he was amazing. Big wink "I'll sort it".

I'd honestly be seriously writing to the governors about his lack of compassion and understanding. It's bloody hard losing your best friend.

doodledragon · 22/02/2017 13:13

Jesus. I know of a teacher who called in absent to take her fitting dog to the vet, which was then PTS. Family emergency. Head knew.

I think he's being a twat.

NiceMoustache · 22/02/2017 13:14

It wasn't their call to make about whether it was important, you are the parent, she's a good student, extraordinary situation where kindness is essential, what an arsehole.

sofiainwonderland · 22/02/2017 13:14

So rude and insensitive. My french bulldog means the world to me, just like my mom or dad, or brother I never had. Would skip anything to be by his side in sickness..

hanahsaunt · 22/02/2017 13:14

What on earth were you doing texting your child at school? You knew it wouldn't go well and it really could and should have waited until you were with her at the end of the school day.

Wolfiefan · 22/02/2017 13:15

And yes I agree that's not something you should text about.

LucklessMonster · 22/02/2017 13:16

YABU - he wasn't slighty insensitive, he was a dick. As are some of the people on this thread who can't comprehend caring about a pet dying. Hmm

Majorgoodwinschickenbeatstrump · 22/02/2017 13:17

I can tell he has never had a dog. Please don't all pile on the OP, this is their dog too. I'm sorry to hear the sad news.

LadyPenelope68 · 22/02/2017 13:17

Whilst I agree that the Head could have dealt with it more sensitively, you should not have been texting her at school (adding to her worry) about it and she should not have been bunking off lessons.

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