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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Smoking outside around children

66 replies

Avamh · 21/02/2017 22:11

I'd really appreciate some opinions on this as I'm not sure what I should do.

My mother in law helps look after my toddlers for a few hours a week when I work. This week, as it's half term and their toddler group wasn't running, she took them to the park.

She smokes quite a lot which my husband and I don't like, but that's her choice. However, when she took them to the park the other day, a friend saw them and she was smoking while holding one of their hands walking towards the swings....

To me this is unacceptable. We let her smoke outside when she is at ours, I still hate the smell but she is doing us a favour so accept this, but to be holding a cigarette while holding their hand, this to me is so wrong.

AIBU to be angry at this and should I discuss it with her and ask her not to smoke at all around them?

Thank you!

OP posts:

BastardGoDarkly · 21/02/2017 22:56

She's outside, what exactly is the problem?

Heirhelp · 21/02/2017 22:56

Yes it is harmful to health. The 'rules' are you need to be 8 steps away from a child when smoking. It is totally unacceptable to smoke in a park. As you are getting free childcare I am not sure what you can reasonably do about it.

PigletWasPoohsFriend · 21/02/2017 22:59

It is totally unacceptable to smoke in a park

Anywhere in a park? Must have missed that rule.

avamiah · 21/02/2017 23:03

Heirhelp, I don't smoke but I have to disagree with you as a park is a open space and there are no laws yet to say that you cannot smoke in a park . As long as you are not pushing a swing with a cigarette in your mouth then there is no problem.

nelipotter · 22/02/2017 12:41

Second hand smoke is harmful. Full stop.
That's why staff in bars etc don't enter smoking sections - legally they cannot be compelled to. Because of the danger to their health.
Definitely should not smoke in the immediate vicinity of kids.
You are allowed to have all the bad vices you want -for now- but you shouldn't expose the kids to them. -Let them find out for themselves at the appropriate age-

seagazer · 22/02/2017 17:46

They don't have smoking sections in bars, only outside.

GabsAlot · 22/02/2017 17:55

there is no smoking sections in bars

do u let your kids play outside where cars go by? you'll find those fumes will damage your child more than one cigarette

Trifleorbust · 22/02/2017 18:05

Pay for child care.

balence49 · 22/02/2017 18:27

My sister is like this. Our grandma smokes in the house, rarely has one and not in same room when kids are there.
My kids have a wonderful relationship with her and I will be forever grateful for the time and effort that she puts in to them as I'm sure will they...

My sisters kids hardly know her as they are not possibly allowed in a smokers house let alone to have a sleepover occasionally. All due to the smoking...
now I know it isn't ideal. But there's a lot worse out there to worry about. And I'd leave the kids with my gran over sis any day!

RebelRogue · 22/02/2017 18:28

The only issue i see is her smoking in a park,if it was one of those fenced off playground areas.

foxyloxy78 · 22/02/2017 18:31

I wouldn't like this. I would look for child care.

LilacSpatula · 22/02/2017 18:44

If she'd have let go of her hand would you feel better? It's kinda gross but presumably she smokes and then comes inside the house and breathes it all over them, so I can't really see any difference.

HeeHighls · 22/02/2017 18:52

" We let her smoke. "

As for your sneaky friend?

How about giving up some treats to pay for child care? Maybe MiL would far rather be having a fag at home than caring, cash free for your kids.

Why do so many think their mums want to babysit? I'd run screaming if I was asked.

I love my daughter but her children are hers. Nothing to do with me.

HeeHighls · 22/02/2017 19:03

I suggest you pay for child care. Never thought of that did you, and allow MiL to have a draw whenever she wishes without you butting your nose in.
Have kids, will pay!

Heirhelp · 22/02/2017 19:05

Sorry ava I should have been clearer. I think it is totally unacceptable to smoke in a children's play park.

NavyandWhite · 22/02/2017 19:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

KellyElly · 22/02/2017 19:09

You are being a little precious at best. I assume you don't live in a town where there are buses, or if you do, that you always keep your child 100 meters away from them. She wasn't blowing the smoke in the child's face, she was walking alongside them in the open air!

JigglyTuff · 22/02/2017 19:11

She smokes. You know that she smokes and you have asked her to look after your children for free while you work.

If you told me (not that I'm a smoker) that I wasn't allowed to smoke around your children when I was looking after them for nothing, I'd tell you to find different childcare.

Up to you really.

IHaveBrilloHair · 22/02/2017 19:13

She's smoking a cigarette outside, not hitting them over the head with a multipack.
They'll be fine, get over it or pay for childcare.

TheFullMrexit · 22/02/2017 19:15

I must say I struggle with the car fumes excuse, car fumes are bad enough esp if you live in town/near main road - so why is it therefore OK to add to small childs lungs with fag smoke? I dont get it.

On the other hand op, being outside in the park isn't too bad. Its not ideal, its not perfect - but at least they are outside and moving.

I also don't get this - but they look after dc so you have to put up with anything rubbish.

what about a compromise?

TheFullMrexit · 22/02/2017 19:17

As an ex smoker if I was looking after dc I would not smoke around them. Not much to ask unless I was going thru tough time in which case I wuold warn them and say

mummy2oneandtwo · 22/02/2017 19:49

Well from the overall feedback it seems like I am being unreasonable, I appreciate the balanced opinions.

I've decided to leave it for now and if it happens again I'll discuss it with her.

I am surprised with all the 'pay for childcare' comments, like having a grandparent look after them is taking advantage...she is besotted with the kids and actually asked me not to put them in nursery so she could have them more in the week. I was more than prepared to pay for childcare but when it's offered for free, I have taken it very gratefully!

KellyElly · 22/02/2017 19:52

Doesn't smoke rise upwards in the open air, or am I being thick? Surely if a small child is walking next to a much taller adult, they won't be inhaling the smoke?? Just the toxic exhaust fumes that are below their noses???

joannegrady90 · 22/02/2017 19:55

Pay for a childminder if you're that bothered. .

KellyElly · 22/02/2017 19:56

OP, having a grandparent look after a child is indeed an advantage. Those of us who don't have that option pay through the nose for our children to be looked after, and would see free childcare as a massive advantage. You're very lucky.

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