To the woman at the hospital judging me for being on my phone

[Changesorter]

I am at a hospital waiting room with my son. Ophthalmology, nothing serious he's happily playing with the toys. I'm sat on my phone. There's a woman sat round the corner saying to her friend ' I hate seeing mums ignore thier kids on phone's. I know she's talking about me because she just glared and tutted a minute ago.

What she doesn't know isthat I suffer from huge health anxiety. Simply looking at a noticeboard in a hospital is triggering

Yes, but nanny, how is that relevant to the OP's situation?
If a patient tells an hcp to wait while they finish a call, the hcp should move on to the next patient and so that person ends up at the back of the queue. Job done.

OP wasn't doing anything wrong, or rude. Her child was happy, not being ignored. And actually it isn't a terrible thing for kids to wait a few minutes for attention, if their parents are doing something else. It doesn't matter if that is texting someone or reading a newspaper article or anything else really.

Todays looking at something on a phone is last decades reading Womans Own in a way isn't it. However the ones walking down the High Street texting as they push are not looking where they are going and a bleedin nuisance.

Agree with other posters. If your child was trying to get your attention it would be bad but there's nothing wrong with children having independent play.

I'd say this woman has got issues and you were an easy target.

Yanbu.

I'm out in the woods with my dog. On my phone. Trying to ignore:

Look! Mummy! A stick!
Look! Mummy! A rabbit's ear!
Look! Mummy! Horse poo!
Look! Mummy! A stick!

So what's the point in taking your DC to the woods, if you're just going to ignore all that?

I think YANBU if your DS happily playing with 'toys'...
However if he is ....
glued to a tablet/other electronic gadget, no earphones, volume on midrange and giving a running commentary of how he is getting on in the game (think 'yes! got you' - 'that's 20 coins you owe me' etc).
Especially if he has a younger sibling who is bored, with nothing to do and desperately trying to get his attention - which results in squabbles?
Are you AND your OH both there and both on your phones - ignoring both siblings (until they really fall out and then one of you tells the younger one to leave the older one alone...) ?
And finally is there limited seating and the 4 of you have taken over 3 benches for 2?
Or if you have only managed to get 2 benches when a single seat becomes free does your DS rudely push even an older lady (granny) out of the way to grab it?
Then YABVVVVVVVVU
(And one day I might just tell your DS to turn the volume off, shut the fuck up with the commentary and stop being a selfish shit and let that lady sit down - and you to pay the younger some attention -or give them something to do ...)

This happens every week at an activity I take my DC to - in the cramped parent viewing area, same family. Older sibling doesn't even do the activity - so why the other parent couldn't do something else with them rather than having them hanging around there for 1.5hrs - it isn't like the parents want to keep each other company - they don't talk to each other... And give the younger one a colouring book or something...or perhaps even interact with them ...

Dog Worra, not DC!

I wouldn't worry, I was the parent ast at her dying (still alive now and doing well) daughters bedside constantly glued to my phone, I'm sure I got judged but it helped me cope, and most of the time I was on a support group asking for help.

Generally speaking I don't like seeing people (men and women) glued to their phones as they push their child in their parent facing buggy being totally ignored. We see it all the time and it is sad small children are not being talked to and there is little interaction with the child, and what there is is just a few meaningless words and back to the phone.

I would never comment on it though.

But in the OPs case it is a coping mechanism and she should just ignore the rude, nasty woman. She knows how she can best manage stressful situations. Probably challenging the woman would only make it worse, so just be reassured she is doing the right thing.

Oh FUCK!

Sorry sorry sorry!

I honestly read that as 'DC', instead of dog

I think Worra is talking about a dog , might be wrong though.

Sorry El quinto not Worra

Actually, my local Primary school has had to put a sign up in the playground, asking parents if they can avoid actually being on their phones during handover/pick-up times.

It often means staff have difficulty in getting the parent's attention.

I assumed it was a child saying "Look Mummy" too Worra!

Yes, I didn't spot the dog part.

It just sounded like all 3 of my DC's when I took them to the woods

Even if she'd added Look mummy, I'm scooting my arse down a hill

I still would have assumed she meant her DC

elQuintoConyo

Yanbu.

I'm out in the woods with my dog. On my phone. Trying to ignore:

Look! Mummy! A stick!
Look! Mummy! A rabbit's ear!
Look! Mummy! Horse poo!
Look! Mummy! A stick!

If you are trying to be amusing, that is an epic fail. You are not engaging with your child which is sad.

More generally, not every parent on a phone is dealing with terribly important stuff as some would have you believe. I think the woman had a point.

People see a snapshot of someone's lives and make some sort of generalisation. For all you know some people have been interacting with their kids all day and only took those 5 minutes out that you see to play candy crush in order not to go insane...

I don't care if elquinto is talking about the dog or a DC but some days! Honestly! Do I really want to know who has what cards with what properties and who is playing who and winning or losing? Tell me something interesting and I'll listen! (I am a very engaged parent. Honestly. But I am not a saint.)

Would love to hear what she woud say about me and DS - DS has ASD and when out and about plugs himself into his tablet to stay calm and shut out outside stimulation.

I get bored so I go on my phone and read the guardian. Periodically DS and I exchange messages about stuff and to check we're OK.

We look like we're not communicating, but we're actually doing it in a way that accommodates him.

Rude woman. Your DS was just fine. Being a good mum does not mean you have to ignore all your own needs, no matter what the mummy martyrs think.

Sorry! Read that as DC too! Oops.

I am actually glad I am older so I didn't have a smart phone when dds were small. The large majority of us are totally addicted to our phones. I was at a west end theatre recently sitting quite high up looked down at the interval I kid you not everyone had their phone out.

Small children are dull and parents go on phones rather than interacting with them. I think this will emerge as a problem. Not being smug I am as bad as anyone else.

WorraLiberty

Actually, my local Primary school has had to put a sign up in the playground, asking parents if they can avoid actually being on their phones during handover/pick-up times.

It often means staff have difficulty in getting the parent's attention.

Hmmm. I think that shows the extent of this problem. That's a bit of a damning indictment on the way some people parent.

It's ironic that the generation that threw us in the back of the Cortina with crisps, whilst they drank in a pub (and drove home drunk), now accuse this generation of a form of neglect.

I can remember full days/evenings if not being engaged with and of course we couldn't interrupt the Adults conversation, so we made our own fun.

This wasn't just in my immediate family, but friends, on school trips.

I've said this on another thread. You'd see Mums pull out a book, on a bus and the children had to sit nicely (or get smacked legs).

I've said this on another thread, but there's an abundance of rose tinted glasses.

I agree Cara

I'm quite sure some parents will be taking work or emergency calls, that can't be helped.

But not all of them. In fact I see it too on my school crossing.

The kids have been at school for 6 hours (longer if using breakfast club), and when they come out full of chat, the parents are barely looking at them, let alone listening.

• I remember my dad reading his mews paper for hours and me trying to get his attention by covering some of the text. I do think our medium of information might be different but the issues are not new*

I used to read. A lot. I would get anxious if I didn't have a book on me.

I got called anti social, a geek, impolite, rude. Told to "put that book down" or get my nose out of it and be sociable on many occasions. I used to get smacked for staying up late reading.

Everyone has forgotten this though. I have of course replaced books with my phone when out and about- I seem to need the mental distraction.