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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think this bloke should calm right down

66 replies

Iris65 · 20/02/2017 13:25

Sitting in a coffee shop and its not busy so I can hear what's happening to the poor woman next to me. She has a laptop and is obviously trying to work but is sitting on a bench so anyone can sit next to her. A bloke arrived about 15 minutes ago and has not shut up yet. He is firing one question after another at her and she is answering. Before she's finished answering he's asking another one. They seem to know each other as he is a friend of her dad so I don't think she can tell home to STFU! He is obviosuly enjoying having the attention of a young, attractive woman but my God she has the patience of a saint. I want to tell him to her give her a break but obviosuly won't - she's a grown up after all.

OP posts:

ofshoes · 20/02/2017 14:12

You know fuck all about these people though, maybe she's giving clipped answers becasue she's an asshole? Maybe he has difficulty with social cues because he's autistic? Maybe the moon's a balloon? Who gives a fuck?

powershowerforanhour · 20/02/2017 14:13

So she left the cafe she had been quietly working in, after having to deflect him for about half an hour. No gendered experience there, no sirree. Poor woman. Hope she felt your solidarity vibes anyway, they always cheer me up when I get them from other people :-)

PoorYorick · 20/02/2017 14:15

maybe she's giving clipped answers becasue she's an asshole? Maybe he has difficulty with social cues because he's autistic? Maybe the moon's a balloon?

Possibly, but it's more likely she's being pestered by a silly man who thinks women owe him their time and attention. Either way, she has to go to a meeting now!

Alyosha · 20/02/2017 14:25

Surely every woman has been in this situation before? A man talking at you, completely ignoring your obvious social cues that you want him to fuck off?

No?

Original poster

Iris65 · 20/02/2017 14:26

whattodowiththepoo I'll hold my hand up to being a dedicated people watcher who now leads a very quiet life!

Did you know that Alan Bennet and many other very good writers use stuff they overhear very frequently? Not that I'm claiming to be a very good writer but people are fascinating

OP posts:

Original poster

Iris65 · 20/02/2017 14:29

What if, what if? The great Ricky Gervais once commented 'Yeah, if my aunt had bollocks she'd have been my uncle.'

And no, definately no sexism occuring when A Man interrupts a woman who is working. What could possibly be more important that paying Attention to Him?

Yes - thank god for meetings.

OP posts:

DJBaggySmalls · 20/02/2017 14:31

Ha! Please send those solidarity vibes my way, they always cheer me up And I will keep sending them and saying Hi to strangers, despite the disapproval of one or two people online

Original poster

Iris65 · 20/02/2017 14:32

OP posts:

Original poster

Iris65 · 20/02/2017 14:35

I don't have a problem with saying to hi to strangers but it is so often a bloke interrupting a woman. Same cafe two weeks ago I was working and a bloke came over and put a piece of paper on my table wih his name and phone number on it!
Very tempted to add it to Tindr or something...

OP posts:

TitaniasCloset · 20/02/2017 14:40

Oh good! You got the eye contact and smile in! Just did that myself at the cash point with a lady in a wheel chair, she was clearly trying to move and random rude bloke just walked in front of her making her stop abruptly. He is lucky she didn't just clip his ankles.

Yep, some men do believe they are attracted to any attractive young woman's attention and its not that they don't notice the social cues, they just don't care and are used to women being their appreciative audience, like mummy saying ' well done Darling! Gold star!' Iknow this to be true because I have a lodger who does it and I have pulled him up a few times, he admitted he just doesn't care.

TitaniasCloset · 20/02/2017 14:41

Entitled not attracted sorry

SoupDragon · 20/02/2017 14:45

but it's more likely she's being pestered by a silly man who thinks women owe him their time and attention

No, it really isn't more likely. It is FAR more likely that he knows her and isn't good on social cues.

This site is mad at times, always assuming that everything is some kind of battle of the sexes.

ProudBadMum · 20/02/2017 14:49

soup its more offensive that the woman is always made out to be the victim. Having a vagina doesn't mean you are the good one..

I know a lot of vagina owners that are dicks

DJBaggySmalls · 20/02/2017 14:50

Its not a deliberate battle. Its just ingrained learned behaviour and entitlement.

Birdsgottaf1y · 20/02/2017 14:57

""Surely every woman has been in this situation before? A man talking at you, completely ignoring your obvious social cues that you want him to fuck off?""

I know the type of male entitlement that you're talking about, but tbh, when I was younger, I had similar from older women, as well.

It'll only stop, if you tell people that you're busy, you can't talk right now etc.

""Same cafe two weeks ago I was working and a bloke came over and put a piece of paper on my table wih his name and phone number on it!
Very tempted to add it to Tindr or something...""

You'd be an arsehole if you did. He should have started a conversation with you, but if you don't want to go on to an online cattle market, then you take a chance, when out and about.

However, I still think it's the wrong way to do it.

ProudBadMum · 20/02/2017 15:00

I get it from women in my place of work. Not taking the hint that I'm trying to work not chat about their new hair or holiday.

doubleshotespresso · 20/02/2017 15:01

OP you do realise it was perfectly acceptable for people to actually converse in coffee shops before the age of wifi and smart phones don't you?

fuckingwall · 20/02/2017 15:02

Anyone who doesn't agree with you is wrong then op?

TitaniasCloset · 20/02/2017 15:07

Oh good. Once again quite a lighthearted thread is being turned into an absolute misery and an argument, meanwhile everyone has a go at the op, because even though they weren't there the op must still be completely wrong.

What fun.

PageStillNotFound404 · 20/02/2017 15:12

*Oh good. Once again quite a lighthearted thread is being turned into an absolute misery and an argument, meanwhile everyone has a go at the op, because even though they weren't there the op must still be completely wrong.

What fun.*

Quite.

< :)

LadyPW · 20/02/2017 15:12

I've actually found that the worst person for doing this was a woman (50s) - she goes on and on, at anyone, either sex, any age. She just wants to talk about herself & her life without you getting a word in. Some people just don't appreciate that conversation is a two-way deal. I usually claim that I'm rushing home because I've a food delivery due...

PoorYorick · 20/02/2017 15:13

It is FAR more likely that he knows her and isn't good on social cues.

The fact that he knows her doesn't mean he isn't a silly man who thinks he's entitled to women's time and attention. I couldn't tell you how many times I've been pestered by men who won't go away even if I do know them. Happened this morning in fact, and yes I do know the idiot, for my sins. It's not a 'battle of the sexes' thing, it's an extremely common everyday occurrence that will be familiar to any woman over the age of 14. Therefore it's most likely.

WalrusGumboot · 20/02/2017 15:17

If you work in a public place, it's a risk you run, surely? She should relax on her lunch break fgs!

Sirzy · 20/02/2017 15:20

If you want privacy to work then perhaps a cafe isn't the best place to work!

GreyStars · 20/02/2017 15:23

I also love to watch people when out and about, been stuck in bed now for four days so had given me a bit of a glimpse into the outside world

This woman sounds like she got stuck with a random+

Mostly random (not someone you would want to socialise with if a gun was held to your head but vaguely known, ususaly through an older relative. This makes it harder to be more forceful in their removal as they keep coming back and back and back as they think you like them as much as older relative - they may even call them selves good old uncle Patting may occur

With these you have some options

A) tell them to fuck off (nearly impossible for me as Brit)
B) make excuses and leave
C) take on a murderous persona (I like to chop off people's fingers, muttered under your breath)
D) ignore, put music on

I had someone who kept trying to make conversation with me, tried to help the first three times questions about area was actually in the middle of something huge for my company and explained each time "that whilst I'd normally stop for a chat and be happy to help I couldn't on this occasion so please ask someone else - like any of the men (I was pretty much the only woman in the coffee shop under my office) and shut away in a corner table just need a change of scenery.

on the fourth time he asked me some random question I sighed, took my earphones out and said "I don't have time please leave me alone, ask someone else I've told you four times now please go away I am very busy" I was forceful not rude

He became really horrible with me, really quickly it was really embarrassing - told me I was a cunt and that he wouldn't fuck me if I was the last woman on earth (poor me!) that he was just trying to be friendly and I shouldn't get my knickers in a twist about a man being friendly and I should get a job like the men in the coffee shop who were obviously on a break from a stressful day. (I'm response to me telling him to ask someone else his questions)

His face when I pointed out 90% of them actually worked for me

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