to not want his ExW knowing my salary?

[EagledWingsofRefuge]

DP got divorced long before I met him but stupidly didn't get a clean break order. Now he's finally doing it and he's just been sent the declaration form. It's much more extensive than we'd both thought it would be. As we live together it asks for details of my salary and for copies of his bank statements for our joint account. AIBU in not wanting his ExW to know this sort of information about me / us? I'm guessing he doesnt have a choice but to fill it in if he actually wants to move forward but still, I really really don't like it!

I don't pay half the bills though as there's a huge discrepancy in how much we each get paid. Tbh I feel uncomfortable enough with her seeing that I financially contribute less - we each pay an amount proportional to our salaries. We've both agreed an amount we each feel fair and I just don't think she should know that level of information about us. They divorced years ago, she just shouldn't know this information

demi in the nicest possible way that's the biggest load of bollocks I've ever heard. Child maintenance is not based on new partners income, it's about providing the child with the same level of upbringing they would have had if the parents were still together. If they were still together then I wouldn't even be remotely contributing to her upbringing so no the new partners income isn't relevant when it comes to child maintenance.

It certainly used to be sort-of relevant. Not in terms of exact monies, but relevant.

For example my ex earned £2000 a month. His rent was £700, council tax £100 and other essential bills £200 meaning his outgoings were £1000 per month. He was then liable to pay x% of £1000.

However the fact that he lived with a wife who had a reasonable income meant it was fair to assume that the whole £1000 of the essential bills of their joint home (in their joint names) shouldn't be all down to him. In our case they said that he should be liable for half of the essential bills which meant he had to pay x% of £1500 for the girls rather than £1000. Obviously I've rounded amounts (it was almost 14 years ago!), but that was the general gist at the time.

It wasn't that her specific income counted toward the maintenance, it was that it was reasonable to expect her income to pay toward their joint expenses which meant he was assessed on his free income after that.

What happens if a man moves in with another woman and then gives up his job to become a sahd for a second family

Then his first family get nothing. Not even the £7 per week that someone claiming benefits would be due to pay.

lalalalyra yes it did used to be the case. Now the NRP's outgoings are not taking into consideration or the new partners financial situation and it's set at 15% of the NRP's income. That's the minimum at least anyway. If you have a family based arrangement then it's between the two parents to determine what's fair.

I know, I still have the same battle with the same NRP sadly.

A lot of the court forms and the likes haven't changed though. Also I think (although it's been 5 years since my BIL divoriced) that spousal maintenance takes income and outgoings into account.

The thing to remember is that the forms won't be taking into account the fact that the divorce happened years ago. They are just standard forms.

It's a real shame he didn't do it sooner to save you all this worry, but you'll have to work out what's more important - getting it done or not sharing your details and risking it holding it up.

Waterytart you may be right about prisons but that is exactly what happened. There are many examples of non-compliant people being imprisoned on Wikivorce. It does happen. It is not ridiculous to expect a stranger to subsidise (as you put it) somebody else's children, particularly if that stranger pretends she is bankrupt, is happy to see you and your children homeless and will go along with the ludicrous suggestion that because she's now living with your husband, he has no responsibility towards the family that is left behind.

I am not getting into an argument about what the rights and wrongs are. This is MY experience and it is exactly how I set out and how the Judge ruled.

Be very clear on what hes applying for.
For a Clean Break Order he doesn't need your salary and you need to consult a solicitor if he has received forms saying you do.
For a Financial Order (or Form E) he will do. My ex tried this, using the Form E forms to try and get extra info which he didn't need. The clean break paperwork is headed 'Financial Remedy' and has no space for partner/ spouse income

formidable your situation sounds pretty awful. I'm sorry he put you through that. And as for the girlfriend, that's a disgusting attitude!

lala ultimately I would rather get this sorted as would DP, as painful as it is we'd both rather just get it done whatever it takes.

Can I just make it abundantly clear that this has nothing to do with child maintenance. I would not be with him and want to build a future with him if he wasn't adequately supporting his daughter. Ultimately us buying a house benefits DSD as well as us - a mortgage in our area is less than rent so not only would we be able to let her decorate her room as she would like we'd also have more money to spend on her. This isn't about screwing the ex over, it's about us both being able to move forwards safe in the knowledge that the assets we acrue together are secure and that if we choose to marry we are marrying knowing that's what ours is ours.

overcrowded. Wouldn't happen. Ridiculous to expect a stranger to subsidise unrelated children

It's not expecting a stranger to subsidise unrelated children, it's expecting the childs parent to not ignore the existence of a partners contribution to their own household so they stop pretending they are 100% solely responsible for all their bills.

Ahh thanks mibby. I'll get him to check after work.

You're Welcome, I've just been through it (Clean Break was signed Jan this year :) )

Eagled, I appreciate this is a crap situation for you, it really is. Ultimately, you can refuse to disclose if you prefer, if it were me, I would just do it. Get it over with. I do understand totally why you're pissed off though.

I can also confirm, as you say, that any maintenance issue is entirely separate. It sounds as though there isn't an issue in this regard, so hopefully that status quo will remain.

Do take legal advice though, it's clear given the widely varying posts on here that everybody's experience is different and you're best to take independent legal advice. Good luck.

You don't want to screw over his ex, but court forms also have to cover people, like my ex, who'd happily claim he was paying more than he was earning just to dodge payments. They can't have lots of different forms so some seem more intrusive when you/he is one of the good ones who is playing fair.

Thanks formidable. I'll definitely get him to check with his solicitor. Tbh the more I think about it the less I care. This has been dragged out for 4 months already, I don't want to be the person dragging it out even more. If we're both happy with what we contribute and are okay with our financial situation why should I care what she does or doesn't think. (Easier said than done though).

Yeah that's understandable lala

Ive PM'd you