Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3

Original poster

to not want his ExW knowing my salary?

64 replies

EagledWingsofRefuge · 20/02/2017 07:47

DP got divorced long before I met him but stupidly didn't get a clean break order. Now he's finally doing it and he's just been sent the declaration form. It's much more extensive than we'd both thought it would be. As we live together it asks for details of my salary and for copies of his bank statements for our joint account. AIBU in not wanting his ExW to know this sort of information about me / us? I'm guessing he doesnt have a choice but to fill it in if he actually wants to move forward but still, I really really don't like it!

OP posts:

Carollocking · 20/02/2017 10:24

Only his money has to be disclosed nothing more

TheFormidableMrsC · 20/02/2017 10:26

If he had savings that were accrued during the marriage, she is entitled to half of those. Anything like that is considered an asset of the marriage. I don't know how old the children are, but rarely are clean break settlements given when there are children involved. In my own case, the Judge made very clear that my ex-h could not have a clean break settlement due to our son. Instead he awarded me a joint lives nominal order. I am very surprised that your partner got divorced before settling financial matters. He really should have sought legal advice in this regard.

hibbledobble · 20/02/2017 10:27

eagled I'm not being harsh, just saying that legally your opinion is not relevant.

EightiethElement · 20/02/2017 10:27

That seems a bit much! My x has a new partner and they live together. I haven't a notion what she earns. Never thought to ask. The maintenance he pays is court ordered too, so my solicitors either never about her or I never thought to mention her existence.

WateryTart · 20/02/2017 10:29

Just refuse to fill that in.

TheFormidableMrsC · 20/02/2017 10:29

Sorry re-reading, I presume that the ex-wife got a nominal order of some sort and has the right to vary, which is what she is doing. I strongly suggest you both see a solicitor to establish where you stand straight away.

I haven't been down the variation route, but will be doing so, as my ex-h's financial situation has miraculously improved since his poverty stricken pleas on divorce and he does not provide for our son.

To the poster who asked about child maintenance, no that is now done all through the CMS, however, you can go via the court under The Children's Act if the child has any sort of additional needs. Although usually this route is only available to unmarried parents.

TempusEedjit · 20/02/2017 10:30

I also understood that although they might ask for a new partners income, you can refuse and don't have to disclose unless court ordered.

Petronius16 · 20/02/2017 10:30

OP the ExW could have a financial claim and I emphasise the word 'could'.

onesize is giving excellent advice. You need legal advice, I think you have a strong case to argue your earnings are irrelevant to something that happened a long time ago.

It is legitimate to feel angry but when it comes to the law please try to relax. If the law says 'declare' then that's what you have to do. I'd push it as far as possible bearing in mind the legal process can be expensive.

I wish you well.

TheFormidableMrsC · 20/02/2017 10:31

WateryTart Of course you can just refuse to fill it in, but not all courts will accept this and indeed as I posted above, my ex-h's girlfriend was summonsed and told she could be imprisoned if she did not comply. So you take your chances really....

lalalalyra · 20/02/2017 10:34

My ex's new wife had to declare her income to the CSA or they would have assumed it, but that was because he tried to claim a reduction in maintenance for their house etc on the basis that he was the sole earner when he wasn't.

Her income was absolutely relevant at that point - no way should he have been able to claim that he paid all of their housing costs, all of their bills etc when she had an income to sustain herself (not him - just her half of the costs) and was not financially dependant on him as he was claiming.

I thought it would be different now because even the NRP's outgoings don't matter when it comes to maintenance.

EightiethElement · 20/02/2017 10:35

In your case mrsFC, that wagon deserved a shit load of intrusion and stress!

heidiwine · 20/02/2017 10:35

I had to do this too and didn't much enjoy it. However in our case it had to do with spousal support, not child support.
DPs ex was asking for more money despite cohabiting with someone who is considerably more wealthy than DP.
I hated everyone knowing all the details about my earnings and contribution to our household (as did DPs ex) but I had to do it and in the end it was less hassle to disclose than not to! DPs ex initially refused to disclose but was told he'd be forced to if it got to court.

Babyroobs · 20/02/2017 10:41

What happens if a man moves in with another woman and then gives up his job to become a sahd for a second family. Do the kids from his previous relationship just get no maintainence money paid because he doesn't earn anything even if his new partner is a high earner?

donajimena · 20/02/2017 10:41

MrsC thats interesting about the children's act and additional needs. Don't want to derail the thread though.

reallyanotherone · 20/02/2017 10:45

When DH got divorced his ex asked to see my income but the court said it wasn't relevant.

They are looking at marital assets to split. If your DH is housed they may well award her a greater % of the family home rather than force a sale.

TheFormidableMrsC · 20/02/2017 10:49

EightiethElement Ahh, you remember . Indeed. Still ongong.

donajimena Yes, I found this out by accident and am about to start proceedings under the act due to ASD DS and ex not providing.

WateryTart · 20/02/2017 10:58

Of course you can just refuse to fill it in, but not all courts will accept this and indeed as I posted above, my ex-h's girlfriend was summonsed and told she could be imprisoned if she did not comply. So you take your chances really....

The prisons are already overcrowded. Wouldn't happen. Ridiculous to expect a stranger to subsidise unrelated children.

Original poster

EagledWingsofRefuge · 20/02/2017 11:05

They have never owned a house, neither of them have a pension and neither of them had any savings prior to the divorce. It sounds like it may be easier to just suck it up, disclose it and then know it's done. DP is pushing for the clean break order not the other way around, as we are currently saving for a house and we've been advised not to start buying a house until the clean break is sorted. His solicitor has advised it's a straightforward process and as the child (she's 5) is adequately provided for then the clean break should be granted.

demi in the nicest possible way that's the biggest load of bollocks I've ever heard. Child maintenance is not based on new partners income, it's about providing the child with the same level of upbringing they would have had if the parents were still together. If they were still together then I wouldn't even be remotely contributing to her upbringing so no the new partners income isn't relevant when it comes to child maintenance.

The maintenance has never been ordered through the court or gone through the CMS as they both made a family based agreement at the time of separating with the view of discussing it as adults if anything changed.

OP posts:

Original poster

EagledWingsofRefuge · 20/02/2017 11:08

The law and all the documentation he's received is very clear that the clean break order is very very separate to the support providing to the child - as it should be! This is about making sure any assets we acquire now are protected.

babyroobs yes technically that would be the case. However that would be a really shitty thing for somebody to do and I think you can apply for a variation or something where they still have to pay - and rightly so!

OP posts:

onesizefitsonesize · 20/02/2017 11:14

Eagled, you don't have to suck it up, why should you? So that StbEx can pore over the details of your private business? Sod that, my dear. To use the old phrase, this is DP's circus and DP's monkeys, he is married to (although divorcing) someone else. Keep your finances apart until he is single and sorted legally and financially.

Remember, it's not your divorce.

May50 · 20/02/2017 11:15

I had same with partner as he hadn't yet sorted financials post divorce. I just refused point blank. They sorted it out in the end in court, whether they assumed anything of my earnings I don't know.

Carollocking · 20/02/2017 11:16

As said you have to disclose nothing about You personally at all

WatchingFromTheWings · 20/02/2017 11:17

This is exactly what happened to a relative of mine. ExDP resented paying £30pm through CSA so quit work to be a SAHD to his new kids and step kids. His new wife earned a fortune while his first child wasn't getting a penny in support.

GeorgeTheHamster · 20/02/2017 11:24

You may be able simply to state that you are working full time (or so many hours) and are able to meet half of the rent and household bills. That may be enough information. Check with the solicitor.

reallyanotherone · 20/02/2017 11:25

What happens if a man moves in with another woman and then gives up his job to become a sahd for a second family

Presumably one option is that he becomes sahd for all of his children. There's no reason he couldn't become RP, even.

Although if the mother has been awarded a greater part of the family home in a divorce settlement, it can often mean it's all but impossible for the kids to ever move in with dad full time, unless he has enough money for a large family home.

Divorce is rarely fair, unless there's enough money to buy two of everything.

Flip

1 2 3