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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is this rude to ask or am i bu?

54 replies

Hotfuzzed · 18/02/2017 23:06

Namechanged for this. I make costumes for the school I work at when the senior school do plays (private school). Quite a few of my friends know this.

Just been texted by a friend whose cousin works in a school about 10 miles away from mine saying that she's heard my school is doing the same play as her cousins only my school is doing it in march and her cousins school in June. Her cousin wants to know if she can borrow some of the costumes we use.

It is the junior school which are doing the play not the senior so nothing to do with me. I've never her cousin so I felt this was a bit of a weird/rude thing to ask. Friend knows how many hours I spend on these costumes and I don't get paid extra for making them on the side of my actual job at the school.

Am I just being over sensitive or does this seem really really cheeky?

OP posts:
Heathen4Hire · 18/02/2017 23:10

Yabu. You would be doing a nice thing by reusing the costumes. What would happen to them if you didn't lend them?

OurBlanche · 18/02/2017 23:11

That's easy... tell her she must be joking, it's bad enough one school getting your hard work for free, two trying to do it is to much for any sane person to stand!

MrsEricBana · 18/02/2017 23:12

Hmm, not sure. Simplest solution is to say not your area as it's the junior school doing the play in March so perhaps she should approach the junior school directly.

Original poster
Hotfuzzed · 18/02/2017 23:13

They get reused for other productions we do, we re-use everything.

OP posts:
edwinbear · 18/02/2017 23:16

I'd say it's not really your call as once you give them to school, they're no longer yours to lend out.

user1477282676 · 18/02/2017 23:18

YABU. In every single theatrical production I have ever been in (many) different organisations lend and borrow.

I was once given a beautiful period dress to wear for a play by another company...just because it's nice to do that and then they can ask when THEY need something.

It's called community support.

Leeds2 · 18/02/2017 23:19

I would tell her to contact the school direct.

Ohyesiam · 18/02/2017 23:21

I think that in the spirit of community, you should lend them. But it's not to to you surely, they belong to the school.

OurBlanche · 18/02/2017 23:22

All of that free handedness is really easy when you aren't the one who does the sewing for free and suddenly have complete strangers using friends to twist your arm for a favour.... especially when it isn't one you are in a position to fulfil!

Sharing is all well and good, but is usually reciprocal, done out of choice, and only requested when both sides have control of the items being shared.

None of which apply in this case, as OP stated quite clearly!

Original poster
Hotfuzzed · 18/02/2017 23:24

It's not my say at all, especially since I don't do the costumes for the junior school. I didn't even know that they were doing that play until my friend texted me. I just thought it was cheeky to ask and I don't think I'd ask it of any teachers I know at other schools.

I see what you mean about community support, but the school is an hour away from mine so im not sure I'd personally call it community.

OP posts:
Blossomdeary · 18/02/2017 23:24

You could do her this favour - I would without a second thought. What do you have against it?

bloodyteenagers · 18/02/2017 23:25

This is one of the frustrating things I come across a lot. Schools not wanting to share or collaborate with anything. Instead
You end up with several schools in an area, all trying to do the same thing. Whereas if they worked together they would get more done.

If the costumes get reused what is the issue whether they are used in several schools as long as they aren't damaged?

sonjadog · 18/02/2017 23:27

It´s just a question. She isn´t demanding you hand them over. If you don´t want to, then say no. I don´t think it is rude to ask, no.

MovingOnUpMovingOnOut · 18/02/2017 23:27

They're not yours to lend.

If you were feeling kind you could offer to pass the message on to the relevant person.

haveacupoftea · 18/02/2017 23:27

It seems petty not to. Schools and all organisations really often share resources.

WorraLiberty · 18/02/2017 23:28

Oh I'd say you're definitely BU.

There's no harm in asking and I know lots of people who would be only too happy to help out. I think the only thing they'd ask is that they're dry cleaned before being returned.

I thought you were going to say that her play was in March and yours was later.

I think that would be cheeky, to expect her school to use them first.

CallingGloria · 18/02/2017 23:30

Is the school asking to borrow the costumes a state school?

WorraLiberty · 18/02/2017 23:31

And an hour away or not, all the schools around here tend to share goodwill and good practise, whenever possible.

On the plus side, it might be a favour 'in the bank'.

I'd pass the message on to the school staff if I were you, as it's quite likely they'd have no problem with this whatsoever.

Original poster
Hotfuzzed · 18/02/2017 23:32

Fair enough happy to accept I am being unreasonable

OP posts:
steppemum · 18/02/2017 23:34

well, in principle, I would tell her to aks the school directly as it is not your decision, but i woudn't mind others borrowing them.

BUT my experience is that these thigns get borrowed, and then not properly returned. So bits missing or damaged, or replaced, and stuffed in bags not properly cleaned or stored. Often the original lender has forgotten they were lent so doesn't chase, until a few months later, and then suddenly half is missing and they are either Very Sorry, or bolshy and say they have given they all back when they haven't.

So, Iam a reluctant lender now.

Witchend · 18/02/2017 23:42

I think it would be reasonable to say you're lending them for a deposit against loss/damage and a small fee per costume.

I make costumes and ut does shorts their life being used and if it's free people seem to be far more careless about damage and return.
Oh yes, we borrowed that dress which cost £30 materials and a good couple of weeks work, and I think one of the teachers is just borrowing it for their dd who's going to a fancy dress party=you'll never see it again.

Or the ball dress you lent us needed to look more 1920s so we cut the bottom off at an angle and added a fringe. Don't worry, I think we've got the fabric, so you can stick it back on if you're bothered.

I don't think it's cheeky to ask. I think it's cheeky not to offer something in return as presumably you've paid out so much on fabrics etc.

gallicgirl · 18/02/2017 23:44

Just give her the e-mail for the school office to ask. Not your decision to make.

CocoLoco87 · 18/02/2017 23:48

You said it's 10 miles away from where you work. How does that take an hour?! Just tell her to contact the relevant people directly

MiddleClassProblem · 18/02/2017 23:49

10 miles is an hour away? Is it across a city?

Are they expecting you to do adjustments?

Anyway you said the school reuses everything or you do for the next play so I'd just use that as an excuse. I don't think anyone is being particularly unreasonable

MiddleClassProblem · 18/02/2017 23:49

X post with coco