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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is this rude to ask or am i bu?

54 replies

Hotfuzzed · 18/02/2017 23:06

Namechanged for this. I make costumes for the school I work at when the senior school do plays (private school). Quite a few of my friends know this.

Just been texted by a friend whose cousin works in a school about 10 miles away from mine saying that she's heard my school is doing the same play as her cousins only my school is doing it in march and her cousins school in June. Her cousin wants to know if she can borrow some of the costumes we use.

It is the junior school which are doing the play not the senior so nothing to do with me. I've never her cousin so I felt this was a bit of a weird/rude thing to ask. Friend knows how many hours I spend on these costumes and I don't get paid extra for making them on the side of my actual job at the school.

Am I just being over sensitive or does this seem really really cheeky?

OP posts:
lalalalyra · 18/02/2017 23:51

I think it's a bit cheeky that it's not accompanied by anything - a text saying "I've seen we're doing the same show, you in March and us in June, and wondered if you would mind lending us the costumes if we buy the accessories/stage props/whatever?"

That's the only way this kind of thing works imo. When it's just one doing all the lending and the other doing all the borrowing it tends to go badly in my experience.

EineKleine · 18/02/2017 23:54

Just say it's none of your business, she needs to contact the school. Unless you personally own your school's costumes, which would be, erm, unusual.

I would think hiring the costumes could be mutually beneficial, but it's between the schools to sort out. I make costumes for our balket school, I don't feel I retain any ownership of them after the show.

Original poster
Hotfuzzed · 18/02/2017 23:56

Just checked and it's 16 miles and yesjust under an hours drive because it's an urban and built up area. Not that it's at all relevant.

I've texted that because it's the junior school she will have to check with them and given the number of reception. I don't even know who does the costumes for the juniors so I can't be anymore helpful than that.

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 18/02/2017 23:56

Realistically, once your school has done the play, when's the next time they're likely to need the same costumes?

Maybe not for another year/couple of years or maybe never.

littlefrog3 · 18/02/2017 23:58

Yeah lend them to her. Don't be a meanie.

Original poster
Hotfuzzed · 19/02/2017 00:00

I can't lend them Hmm

OP posts:
OurBlanche · 19/02/2017 00:02

Not sure anyone wants to hear that, Hotfuzzed

YABU... it has been decreed Smile

Chloe84 · 19/02/2017 00:04

If your school are going to be re-using the outfits, then I can see why you would be reluctant to lend them. Best to leave it to the school to decide. It will be you sewing up new outfits, not us, so easy for us to say lend them Smile

Hope school aren't taking too much advantage of you.

RebelRogue · 19/02/2017 00:05

It's not unreasonable of her to ask.
It's also not unreasonable of you to tell the truth which is, "sorry I can't make that decision,here is the number of the people who do".

RebelRogue · 19/02/2017 00:06

But it was a bit of a red herring ro mention how much time and effort you spend on the costume,when you're not the one actually doing them.

altiara · 19/02/2017 00:10

Maybe your friend was biggjng you up to her cousin. So probably not purposefully cheeky.
Either way you can't lend the costumes as they are nothing to do with you. Not sure why everyone thinks YABU! Although probably everyone thinks you're making the costumes.

OurBlanche · 19/02/2017 00:10

Not really a red herring, just another niggle... that a friend who knows how much work she puts in felt it was OK to ask OP to give it away for free... again!

A Multi Moan....

CurbsideProphet · 19/02/2017 00:13

YANBU. You haven't made these costumes, so how can you say yes? Very odd that some posters think you can lend out costumes that you haven't made and have no idea who has.

If you try to be the go between you will be in a difficult position if the costumes are lent to the other school and something goes wrong.

As an aside, it takes me 45 mins to drive 16 miles to my home town and I live "semi rural".

gleam · 19/02/2017 00:16

I sometimes wonder if people read the op properly...

Chloe84 · 19/02/2017 00:20

RebelRogue

I think OP's friend may have thought OP does the costumes for junior school as well as the senior school?

I don't think OP implied she was doing outfits for the juniors.

Chloe84 · 19/02/2017 00:21

But yes, had to go back and re-read OP, it was a bit confusing.

OurBlanche · 19/02/2017 00:33

Ah! Is that why some posters were so adamant?

I did wonder why OP was being told to give away stuff she had no connection to!

OurBlanche · 19/02/2017 00:34

It is the junior school which are doing the play not the senior so nothing to do with me.

I thought that was fairly unequivocal!

PyongyangKipperbang · 19/02/2017 00:38

If we didnt share costumes, props etc between the three local schools, the productions would be very lacklustre due to lack of stuff.

It seems very mean spirited to say no tbh, you dont get paid extra and presumably the other school relies on kindess and generosity too.

Just pass the message on to whoever is organising the production and let them deal with it.

Oh and I say this as chief costume maker/dresser for our school!

OurBlanche · 19/02/2017 00:40

Lemme see...

OP didn't make these particular costumes

OP has already passed on contact info

Yep! Think that covered it!

PyongyangKipperbang · 19/02/2017 00:48

So no....its not rude to ask.

I often think that its never rude to ask, but sometimes it is cheeky! And lets face it, dont ask dont get.

Italiangreyhound · 19/02/2017 00:53

YANBU.

If it is your call you can say yes, or no, your choice.

If the school decides and you genuinely do not mind, you could say ask the school.

If the school decides and you feel uncomfortable lending out these items, you could say you will speak to the school; then put your case against lending out to the school.

Or you could just say, no sorry, a lot of work goes into the costumes and we keep and recycle all costumes in school (and if this is what you do then you are being completely fair).

gleam · 19/02/2017 01:06

Dear me.

Chloe84 · 19/02/2017 01:09

gleam yes, we get it, you understood the op.

gleam · 19/02/2017 01:20

Oh dear Chloe, did that hurt?