To be slightly concerned about my husband?

[DizzyFizzyLizzy]

DH is 31. He is a brilliantly clever guy, but also can be a bit of a worrier/deep thinker.

He's a lawyer and his job is very full on, stressful and busy. We also have a two year old daughter and one on the way. Life is busy. He's a great dad, very hands on and devoted to me and DD. He comes home for six to give DD her bath and he puts her to bed, then most nights he logs back in and works for another couple of hours. We do try to relax at the weekends.

He's had a hard couple of weeks at work. Big promotion opportunity coming up and various other things. I know he's under pressure. But he's started to do strange things. It's hard to explain.

For example, suddenly he often uses the wrong word in a sentence. Like he's thinking about something else and gets mixed up. He keeps walking into things. He put his car keys in the fridge the other day. He signed his own name instead of DDs when he dropped her at nursery earlier this week. Little things, but noticeable. Forgetting his PIN number. He's kind of laughing it off ("my brain has just given up the ghost") but I'm a wee bit worried. I don't quite know what I'm worried about. He won't see a GP, thinks I'm worrying about nothing. But he's a bit moodier/quieter than normal too.

He's had two bouts of work-related anxiety in the past, both managed by a stint on anti depressants. But this hasn't been an issue for around 5 years now, I think that's behind us now. It doesn't appear to be the same as that.

I just wanted to put it out there and ask if anyone has experienced this before. I'm not looking for a diagnosis or anything, I dunno.

Is he sleeping ok?

As to say, no one here can give a diagnosis, but YADNU to be concerned. I would try very hard to persuade him to see a doctor.

*As you say

To be honest, I do all those things when I'm really on work mode at high-stress times. I use the wrong word, I once put a jug of milk outside the back door and tried to put the cat in the fridge, I bump into things, I sign the wrong name. I'm a perfectly healthy 44 year old who's just thinking about something else.

These are really common signs of stress. We are actually not built to multi task very well. His 'symptoms' will clear up in a less stressful period.

He's always been a night owl. He probably doesn't get enough sleep, will read till midnight etc, but as far as I'm aware he's not lying awake worrying all night. Probably averaging about 6-7 hours sleep a night.

Hopefully it is stress related. Keep a list of what he does that is odd, with dates. It will help to see if it increases in severity or not.

Tell him not to be a twat and to go to the GP for your DC's sakes, even if not his own.

Probably stress / over tiredness but I'd ask him to see a doctor.

Thank you. I was thinking it was probably stress. What's the best thing I can do to help him?

How will a GP help him if that's what it is? He won't want to be signed off.

Keeping a record of what he does is a good idea, I'll definitely do that.

Hi OP. When my stress and anxiety levels are bad it affects my cognitive function and coordination. I find it hard to string a sentence and get really forgetful and clumsy. I would encourage him to temporarily take his foot off the pedal at work if possible and see his GP. If not for his mental health, at least to rule out other possibilities.

Does he stumble for no apparent reason or lose his balance? Some of what you've posted are pre-stroke signs.

No, I haven't noticed that, RNBrie but I'll ask him.

Probably stress but if it continues I would get medical advice or sooner as we aren't doctors 😀

His GP will recommended methods to cope with work related stress and anxiety such as counselling, CBT or medication. Of course he will want to avoid taking time off work but he may well burn out and have to do this if he doesn't do something about it like seeing his GP and finding ways to deal with stress before it comes to this

I get same when I am very stressed and not sleeping well. I once poured coffee all over the table in front of important client at an important meeting because I forgot to put a cup there. It'll pass when he is less stressed.

Certainly sounds like a heady mix of stress and tiredness. You say that dc no2 is on the way. Is there any chance he could take some annual leave beforehand?

As an ex nurse

It could be stress, mh related but...without wishing to panic you, it could also be as a result of a TIA (mini stroke) or a clot building in the brain (pre stroke warning signs - due to less oxygenated blood reaching certain parts of the brain).

Ditto pre clots in other parts of the body, has he had any muscle cramps? Chest pain?

Please impress upon him it would be best to see a dr.

It sounds like could just be stress but definitely worth pushing him into being seen.

TBH, a job where he is home by 6 - even if he does another hour or two at home later - doesn't sound particularly full on as such. I say this coming from a background of being a city lawyer and working much much longer hours. My husband has been doing the same for 20 years. I guess I'm just saying that perhaps there is something else going on because I'm not sure you've described something which would normally trigger these effects.

Well people have different thresholds dont they. Different people have different tolerances. I don't know what else would be going on. I'll have a talk with him tonight.

Definitely listen to the ex nurse above of course, but I do everything you describe your husband doing, and more, and this is related to having a 2 yo and a newborn and being totally shattered and pulled every which way. It takes me a good 45 seconds to find the right word sometimes. I say the complete opposite to what I mean (e.g. say I'm only free Wednesday when Wednesday is the one day I'm not free). I call everyone by the wrong name now. I lose things constantly. I'm not concerned - it's just sleep deprivation, with a bit of stress thrown in. Hopefully when things calm down in your husband's work life then you will see an improvement.

I was like this and was diagnosed with reactive stress. It got so bad before diagnosis that I was sent for a C.A.T. scan. Was given Propranolol for anxiety and anti D's. Absolutely fine now .

I've done similar when my DC were too young and I was over tired (I couldn't put a sentence together, forgot words all the time). My father had similar symptoms and it was mini strokes and the start of dementia.

I'm 99% sure your DH is in the first group (tiredness) but it's always good to keep an eye.

Is there anything you can do to help him rest? Taking a walk, convincing him to spend one weekend afternoon alone, going to the cinema or a museum (if he likes it), or even a long bath in the dark? All these things used to help me.

I've done these sorts of things a thousand times, and I'm not holding down a stressful job as a laywer, I'm a sahm. But I am prone to anxiety, I over-think things, and I am a nightowl whose life with children doesn't suit late nights/early mornings, which I have to do.

I would keep an eye on it, though.

Tbh, I think its normal when you get stressed. He has too much on his mind and some times other things have to go!!! A bit like a computer that doesnt have enough memory.

I do this also, sometimes. I am quite the insomniac too, however, though no history of depression or stress. I do have lots of facts/figures to remember for my work and sometimes feel a bit overloaded.

Have your chat with him, OP.