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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be worried that the college left my dd missing for two hours

42 replies

Worried61 · 17/02/2017 17:36

Without telling me or contacting. Dd 21 has asd and mental health problems. Dd went into town and didn't return for two hours. The college is residential so young people are in their care.

OP posts:
redexpat · 17/02/2017 17:38

Did they even notice she was gone?

WheresTheEvidence · 17/02/2017 17:38

Is she allowed to go out unsupervised if so YABU

Original poster
Worried61 · 17/02/2017 17:40

Yes they had noticed and yes she is but only for an hour per time and staff are meant to be in contact.

OP posts:
EduCated · 17/02/2017 17:41

I certainly would be. Have they explained what happened,m? Presumably they have policies around this kind of thing explaining what should happen?

blueskyinmarch · 17/02/2017 17:41

it depends i suppose if they have responsibility for her while she is in their care? If they had an idea where she was and were actively looking for her then they possibly didn’t feel they needed to worry you at that point. Could you have done anything anyway other than worry?

Original poster
Worried61 · 17/02/2017 17:43

Policy is they call the police after more than hour without the young person contacting them.

OP posts:
Original poster
Worried61 · 17/02/2017 17:43

I just worry because of what she has done in the past when missing and I would have thought they would be the same

OP posts:
AVirginLitTheCandle · 17/02/2017 17:44

I take it they didn't call the police either?

blueskyinmarch · 17/02/2017 17:44

So she they knew she was out and was an hour late? I would assume their first priority would be to try and locate her rather than call you? That's their job.

Original poster
Worried61 · 17/02/2017 17:45

They didn't tell me to afterwards

OP posts:
Original poster
Worried61 · 17/02/2017 17:45

No they didn't call me or the police. They had rung her once

OP posts:
blueskyinmarch · 17/02/2017 17:47

I feel a bit like the Devils advocate here but i am trying to think like they were thinking.

They probably didn’t call the police as they found her within the hour time frame then they let you know. I can tell you are upset by this but it seems they did what they needed to do and it is possible they just didn’t think you needed to be informed at that point.

SaucyJack · 17/02/2017 17:48

Either you or them is taking the situation at the wrong level of seriousness.

Is it possible you're overreacting? Did she turn up safe and well?

Maybe her behaviour has earnt her a bit more trust recently.

Original poster
Worried61 · 17/02/2017 17:56

Yes she was safe when she turned up but I would have thought a policy of no contact after an hour and the police are rung to be just that.

OP posts:
AVirginLitTheCandle · 17/02/2017 17:59

If I'm understanding correctly, their policy is to call the police after an hour with no contact. The OP's DD had been out in town for more than an hour without contact so (if they were sticking to their own policy) they should have called the police but they didn't.

Cheerybigbottom · 17/02/2017 18:03

If their policy is no contact after an hour of attempts they should follow the care plan and call police (to escalate to whatever level of involvement is desired) and then call you.

I'm sure they hoped to contain the alert and find her before it HAD to be escalated as it is a safeguarding alert with the police force and Local authority if they involve them, or a vulnerable person has been 'at risk'.

If they feel the 1hr is too little they can work with your daughter, yourselves and care team to discuss changing this to longer. Or they may also consider it too long a risk and you can all discuss what must happen next time.

Original poster
Worried61 · 17/02/2017 18:05

Yes that's what I was thinking but dd could quite as easily have not been safe and well and that's the concerning thing.

OP posts:
Fighterofthenightman · 17/02/2017 18:06

They had rung her though? So they'd had contact and that contact suggested she was fine presumably? Which she was as she came back and was fine?

Original poster
Worried61 · 17/02/2017 18:09

She didn't answer her phone

OP posts:
kingpin20 · 17/02/2017 18:21

How do you know how long she was out for if they didn't tell you?

Original poster
Worried61 · 17/02/2017 18:23

They told me afterwards in the evening

OP posts:
Fighterofthenightman · 17/02/2017 18:29

What has happened before which is making you so anxious? Is she there on a section of the MHA?

Original poster
Worried61 · 17/02/2017 18:30

No it's a college and I would rather not post it publicly

OP posts:
kingpin20 · 17/02/2017 18:36

Its worrying then if they didn't follow their own procedures. You ANBU. Did they give you any reason why they didn't call you or the police when they realised how long she had been gone? I'd be asking for a reason if I were you.

Original poster
Worried61 · 17/02/2017 18:37

They said that they try to to just let the young people come back be themselves. As most usually return safe.

OP posts: