Or my ILs just need to learn some manners

[thegirlintheyelllowcoat]

Let me be blunt and say that my relationship with MIL is not good. I get on really well with FIL.

This is what bothers me. Every time they come and visit or we visit (about once or twice a month), we always have lunch together and throughout the whole lunch, they literally sit and watch DD1 (3yrs old) eat and give a running commentary of her eating!

I'm from a culture that finds this so odd and bad mannered! It really bothers me as I don't want my little girl to grow up feeling self conscious of what she's eating or how she's eating and also I don't want my DD2 to feel left out or for either of them to get a complex.

This is why I'm asking the collective wisdom of MN. Would you consider this odd behaviour too in English culture (or Aibu)? If so how would you approach this without causing any upset.

Change the subject of conversation or just nicely say every time 'you'll make her paranoid about food, better not discuss it'

I think its a thoughtless thing to do, but I don't think they are doing it without thought. I have Chinese friends with a teenage DD same age as mine and they do this to ALL of us when we go out - they comment on what I eat, what DH eats etc, and sit watching us, their eyes track each forkful from plate to mouth then they stare at you as you chew - completely painful so we try very hard not to eat with them now!! However they also do it to their own DD - it definitely is a cultural thing on their part so I give them a lot of slack over it. They do other things that we might consider rude but I know some of the stuff we do puzzles them as well. I just think its part and parcel of having friends from different countries.

Getting back to your ILs, I'd say something, I can avoid eating with my friends, but you don't want to have to avoid meals with your ILs for ever!

OP - I'm so curious...what culture are you from? The only guess I could make is: are you French? Don't the French eat and make no fuss about it? A great attitude btw.

Most cultures I have experienced love talking about food, make sure they feed feed feed the kids and obsess how much the kids eat or how they don't eat...

My kids are terrible eaters. My MIL force feeds my kids. I hate it with a passion. I always undermine her when she does it, and make sure we don't see them more than 6 times per year and I NEVER force my kids to eat up their plate.

Marginally better than my DMIL's bowel obsession