AIBU to cut friendship of 10+ years?

[Hannahbanana1725]

Backstory;

Met in school, have a mutual friend who also met in school and we've been 'best friends' for at least 10 years. Use to have a really good relationship but grown apart over the years.

This friend is also friends with my OH, or as she likes to call it, they're 'family'. They've known each other for the same amount of time I've known my OH as we all used to work together.

This friend reguarly does drugs (cocaine and mdma) and my OH is an ex-cocaine addict.
Whenever I see her (not often) she constantly talks about herself and her life and how many people she's had sex with recently, never about me or how I am etc.

She recently found out that me and my OH are trying to concieve and she was extremely judgemental and said it's a bad idea and wouldn't work out between me and my OH.
I was raped before me and my OH got together and she told him whilst we were dating which was something I didn't want to share with him yet (i did when we were in a relationship and felt comfortable only to find out he already knew). She claims she did this out of my own good and to protect me??
I went away with her and the mutual friend for the mutual friends birthday last weekend, and she kept making comments about drugs and then saying 'oh it's just a joke before you say anything'. She did this a few times. She also went in on one about how i'd been checking up on my OH all day (we'd been on the phone briefly twice cause problems with his bank) and how I'm obsessed with having a baby.

I think to myself that if I'd met her now would we be friends? And i think the answers probably no.

So, AIBU to cut a friendship when we've been friends for so long?🤔

I am extremely happy with my relationship and I have no concerns about my partner taking drugs again - we are very open with each other about the subject.

Also, whether we are married or not is no one's business 😂 a married man is equally capable of not providing for his children. And i do not rely on my partner or anyone else financially.

Bet she loves the fact that that's something they 'have' that you don't join in with. Definitely dump her OP.

I decided you should dump her at cocaine. But to then go behind your back to your partner sealed the deal. How would his family feel if you told them about her drug use? I think it's very risky being around someone who takes drugs when you used to be an addict. Would they really support her being around your dp?

I would not be happy with my dp going for lunch with this woman

I may be speaking out of turn and against the grain, but if my OH still wanted to be friends with a person who has been cruel and not very supportive of decisions such as starting a family, then I would be questioning the relationship.

I would not expect to say who OH can and cannot be friends with and never would, but I would like to think my OH could see that what this friend is doing and what she has said and how it is affecting you without being led, asked or told!

Any decent person would ensure their OH was safe, happy and secure and if this meant ditching a friend who was being horrid to 'their' significant other than so be it.

Does that make sense?

Without meaning to sound old fashioned or whatever, my OH would slam the door in anyone's face if they were upsetting me!

We cannot dictate friendships of others, but I would expect my OH to see what was being done right in front of him and loyalty to your respected other has to come first - surely?

OP - I am so sorry about what happened to you. I sincerely hope you got the help and support you needed to lessen it's impact on your life.

I had a similar situation with a friend when I was pregnant with my first. She was heavily into drink and going out to hook up.

Uness this "friend" (leech) radically changes her lifestyle and can be happy and supportive of you, there is no point in continuing the friendship. She does not have your best interests at heart.

She is losing her social and druggie circle and does not like it.

You have already been far more tolerant of her bad behaviour than most people would be for no reward. Walk away from her.

OH invited me to the lunch with them,(she didn't know) but she didn't let him know a time, messaged him at 2 saying she'd been sleeping and wanted to go for a drink that evening, which he declined. He asked which day she's next free but hasn't replied (classic her)
Beverley - honestly it wouldn't surprise me if they didn't believe me if I did say anything. They really like her and often mention her around me.
Bangingmyheadoffabrickwall - yes i understand where you're coming from, and when i told him what she had said about being baby obsessed and checking up on him, he just said she's being stupid and ignore her. Also, i said to him i wasn't sure about coming to the lunch in case she didn't want me to, he basicallt said tough shit we're a couple and do stuff together, i want you to be there etc.
SundialShadow - thank you 😊

Thank you for all your advice, definitely cutting the friendship. Not going to make a big deal out of it, but won't arrange to meet or make much effort around her at family events etc

i am pleased that your OH has your back, that is great. I am glad your cutting her off, she sounds awful, and very dangerous.

No doubt she will say she cut you off. She seems like that type. Let her and enjoy the freedom.

Hi OP, I think you would be so much better off without this "friend". I obviously don't know everything about the friendship but I really feel some people just don't enhance your life or make you the best person you can be. Some make your relationships harder, major you feel uncomfortable & just because she is happy to talk about certain topics & make jokes about things doesn't mean you have to like it.

I'm sure there are plenty people who are happy to be friends with her but if you feel she is dragging you down or making you uncomfortable or unhappy then maybe best to walk away or at least take a break for a while

Cleanse your life of her now, before you have a baby.

If she's around when you're pregnant, she's the one who will be obsessed (and envious) (and sort of jealous about your partner).

She is a specific type. I've met a couple of women like her. Very selfish, very jealous, can be very unpleasant and cause real upset. You owe her nothing. Gently disappear. You will have to make a conscious choice to avoid her and not be drawn into anything more, but it sounds like your partner is really strong and good at standing up for himself/you guys, so that's a great plus.

Get shot. She's a pain, and could turn into worse.

Oh yes and expect her to try to turn others against you and/or to make up unfounded rumours about you once she realises you're not engaging with her any more. She won't like it. But just ignore her and whatever she says. Be careful not to say anything bad about her - just be neutral. She really will most likely try to make you unpopular, and to portray herself as a victim of your meanness/unfairness. Expect it, and ignore it. (If it doesn't happen, you'll have got off lightly : )