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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to cut friendship of 10+ years?

62 replies

Hannahbanana1725 · 17/02/2017 09:19

Backstory;

Met in school, have a mutual friend who also met in school and we've been 'best friends' for at least 10 years. Use to have a really good relationship but grown apart over the years.

This friend is also friends with my OH, or as she likes to call it, they're 'family'. They've known each other for the same amount of time I've known my OH as we all used to work together.

This friend reguarly does drugs (cocaine and mdma) and my OH is an ex-cocaine addict.
Whenever I see her (not often) she constantly talks about herself and her life and how many people she's had sex with recently, never about me or how I am etc.

She recently found out that me and my OH are trying to concieve and she was extremely judgemental and said it's a bad idea and wouldn't work out between me and my OH.
I was raped before me and my OH got together and she told him whilst we were dating which was something I didn't want to share with him yet (i did when we were in a relationship and felt comfortable only to find out he already knew). She claims she did this out of my own good and to protect me??
I went away with her and the mutual friend for the mutual friends birthday last weekend, and she kept making comments about drugs and then saying 'oh it's just a joke before you say anything'. She did this a few times. She also went in on one about how i'd been checking up on my OH all day (we'd been on the phone briefly twice cause problems with his bank) and how I'm obsessed with having a baby.

I think to myself that if I'd met her now would we be friends? And i think the answers probably no.

So, AIBU to cut a friendship when we've been friends for so long?🤔

OP posts:
Aeroflotgirl · 18/02/2017 09:55

I think she is after your husband tbf, what the fuck is she dictating to you, about coming to lunch with your husband. Why is he going with her. She sounds like she might lure him back to drugs, there is3 in your relationship, be careful.

JoeyJoeJoeJuniorShabadu · 18/02/2017 09:58

She's not your friend.
sounds like she wants to shag your husband too.
bin.

Aeroflotgirl · 18/02/2017 10:09

She sounds harmful and your dh sounds weak and does not have your back.

Bantanddec · 18/02/2017 10:11

I'm flabbergasted you've remained friends with this jealous and vindictive women all this time!

Aeroflotgirl · 18/02/2017 10:12

She's what you call a frenemy, noway on god's earth wod she be godmother.

KC225 · 18/02/2017 10:26

It seems to me like she is one of those immature types with a stagnated life. She thinks your life is 'boring' and mocks your choices because you have grown up, settled into a relationship and are planning a family and yet on closer inspection she is still behaving the way she did 10 years ago.

I don't know if she is after your DH but I do think she likes to be the centre of attention. Hence, the divide and conquer lunch. She may not want him but she seems to want his attention even at your expense. Telling your OH of your rape ordeal would have sealed it for me. What friend would do that?

I would say don't feed the fire and give her more drama just withdraw slowly. It's easy to not make those calls, be busy and not meet up.

ChasedByBees · 18/02/2017 10:40

I would ditch but it sounds like she might try and be quite divisive in your relationship if you do. Seeing your OH without you and purposely not inviting you is odd.

JuneBuggy · 18/02/2017 11:42

Yanbu! She sounds exactly like my ex-best friend, minus the drugs bit. She constantly tried to get DH on his own, broke my confidence many times, was a total PITA around the time of our wedding and then started sending (unrequested and unrequited) my now DH photos of herself in her bra to "show how sweaty she was after the gym" Hmm

Bin. Her. Off. And if you can, get DH to do the same - she's dangerous.

Original poster
Hannahbanana1725 · 18/02/2017 22:57

Pola - yes I agree with it being difficult but we have a very open relationship and the couple of times he has done it whilst we've been together, he's been very upfront about and told me straight away. So that's not really a concern for me

OP posts:
Original poster
Hannahbanana1725 · 18/02/2017 23:02

I think my main problem is that his family really like her (probably more than me) and invite her to family events (my OH's niece's christening, NYE and nieces first birthday next month). Honestly I find it quite odd that she's always invited but it's not really my place to say anything.

OP posts:
Aeroflotgirl · 18/02/2017 23:37

But you don't have to like her or be her friends, she is not your friend, but a frenemy.

littlefrog3 · 18/02/2017 23:46

What a cowbag. Dump her and I hope you and your DH are happy forever.

Lochan · 18/02/2017 23:48

Why would your OH still want to be friends with her if she's being unkind to you and upsetting you?

haveacupoftea · 18/02/2017 23:53

You aren't invited out to lunch with the two of them? What the fuck? I think she's after your husband/life Confused

PutTheBunnyBackInTheBox · 19/02/2017 00:00

YANBU for wanting to ditch her but if it was me I'd be cutting both of them loose. Sorry. Drugs are a deal breaker for me and I certainly wouldn't be considering DC with someone who still uses, albeit just a slip up. His friendship with a regular user should be a massive red flag, especially as it looks like she's trying to cause trouble.
Flowers sorry for what you've been through.

Freyanna · 19/02/2017 00:42

She is toxic and not your friend, get her out of your life.

Aeroflotgirl · 19/02/2017 07:52

Exactly locan, why is your partner friends with her, when she treats you badly. Can't he see what she's doing. I woukd be having a talk with my partner.

Aeroflotgirl · 19/02/2017 07:56

Yes to putThe, spot on. She I a bad influence on him, he coul relapse at any time. Don't have kids with this guy, and think seriously about your relationship. They sound more suited, than you do.

Aeroflotgirl · 19/02/2017 08:02

You sound to accommodating of this 'friendship', especially its one that's going to rock your relationship with your partner. I would ask my partner not to have anything to do with her, and see what he says. His answer will tell you all you need to know.

AliciaMayEmory · 19/02/2017 08:10

I'd also be questioning why your DH wants to be friend with someone who is so unkind to you.

TheAtheist · 19/02/2017 09:39

Are you actually married to this man ?

I know it's not the question you are asking, but YABVU to ttc whilst unmarried.

Monkeypuzzle32 · 19/02/2017 09:46

Shut up atheist it's none of your business

I'd Kondo her! You might have to do it stealthily rather than drop her to minimise the fall out.

TheAtheist · 19/02/2017 11:42

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Monkeypuzzle32 · 19/02/2017 12:25

theatheist you're talking rubbish and are clearly looking to start an argument-the OP is with her OH. vile!

Willow2016 · 19/02/2017 13:16

And the prize for the stupidist question of the day goes to...Atheist.

What difference does it matter if they are married or not...hustbands are just as capable of buggering off as partners are, get a grip. Not everyone needs a bit of paper to say they are a couple and want to stay that way. Its not 1950!