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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

WIBU to tell my Mum her house smells?

30 replies

NoCapes · 14/02/2017 20:08

My Mum is amazing - brilliant Grandmother, does absolutely loads for us, I see her almost daily and she genuinely is my best friend
So this isn't anything to do with a bad relationship at all
We go to her house every week for dinner and my children stay over quite often
Only problem is when they/we get home we absolutely stink of grease/cooking/chip fat kind of smell
A few times when she's been to mine or we've been out I can smell it on her/her clothes too
She's a very proud woman and I know she would be utterly horrified to know that she smelled

She has one of those acti-fryer things so I used to think it was that, but a few times recently she hasn't used it and we still smell
She doesn't use her over the cooker fan thingy (the name has completely escaped me) because it's a small kitchen and it's really loud so this could possibly be the problem?

Now my house isn't exactly spotless and we have a dog so I don't know if it's a bit rich coming from me, but I'm certain people leaving my house don't have a lingering smell and I hate to think that anyone thinks my Mum isn't very clean because she really really is
But I don't want to upset her atall and I don't want to seem ungrateful that she provides us a meal every single week because I really am very grateful, hence why I haven't said anything so far
But after another night of having to shower all 3 kids and put all of our clothes including coats and the babies bag through the wash when we got home I'm wondering whether I should

So...do I tell her? And how???

OP posts:
Allthebestnamesareused · 14/02/2017 20:15

I would bite the bulket and tell her. You do become nose blind to smells in your house. Suggest she uses the cooker extractor fan. It is possible that the filter needs changing (if a charcoal one) or a ehizz through the dishwasher if not. If she does that it may not be so noisy.

Do it along the lines of I would wznt you to tell me if ....

Be prepared for a retaliatory yours smells of dog/cats etc!

foxyloxy78 · 14/02/2017 20:15

I would tell her. It's not that big a deal. There's always lots of food sleeps t my mums. Because she cooks lots of yummy food but yes, it does cling to clothes and not great when you get back home. Perhaps if she used the extractor fan and opened a window whilst cooking that would help.

Allthebestnamesareused · 14/02/2017 20:15

I would bite the bulket and tell her. You do become nose blind to smells in your house. Suggest she uses the cooker extractor fan. It is possible that the filter needs changing (if a charcoal one) or a ehizz through the dishwasher if not. If she does that it may not be so noisy.

Do it along the lines of I would wznt you to tell me if ....

Be prepared for a retaliatory yours smells of dog/cats etc!

Allthebestnamesareused · 14/02/2017 20:16

Agh typos fat fingers on iPhone

Allthebestnamesareused · 14/02/2017 20:16

Agh typos fat fingers on iPhone

GrannyGoggles · 14/02/2017 20:18

No, my dear, you do not tell her she's smelly. Not if you want to have an ongoing happy relationship. You suck it up. The most you could do is have a general chat about the difficulties of cooking smells lingering and what her strategies are.

Treewall · 14/02/2017 20:21

My Mum's house occasionally smells of dog, and I always mention it if it does. I see it as a kindness - I'm sure she'd rather I told her than have one of her friends mention it.
However I used to have a sort of friend whose house stunk - just general stale air and mildew from no windows open and laundry drying inside. I didn't feel I knew her well enough to say anything although I would have had she asked.

BrowsOnFleek · 14/02/2017 20:23

Yanbu. I'd tell her.
My MILs house always stinks of cooking, I have to wash my coat etc when I've been round and it's a massive pain in the arse. I think it's an old cooker. Just say you had to wash the coats etc when you got back as you could notice a smell of grease. Personally I'd want to know. I can't stand the smell of stale cooking on people!

Original poster
NoCapes · 14/02/2017 20:25

Extractor fan! That's the word Grin
Didn't know that cleaning/changing the filter might make it quieter, thanks for that info

She does tell me if she comes to my house and can smell the dog to be fair, and I just have a Hoover/open a window, don't take offense at all so I could use that as an example of and when I tell her

Granny I wouldn't tell her she's smelly Hmm it's not that she smells, and she genuinely cleans her house more than anyone I know so she's not unclean, it's just cooking smells

OP posts:
Trollspoopglitter · 14/02/2017 20:26

so you think grease just lingers in the air and attaches itself to clothes during brief visits? As a teenager, I worked at a fast food chain. I didn't smell of chip fat.

Sounds like your mum's place is dirty, and the grease is attaching itself to something else. Are you sending your kids in clean clothes?

Notrevealingmyidentity · 14/02/2017 20:26

Ofcourse tell her !

God I'd want someone to tell me however embarrassed I would be ! I'd die thinking someone could have just said something instead of having loads of people think I was smelly and didn't care Sad.

bunnylove99 · 14/02/2017 20:26

OP. You could speak to her but it might not dlove the issue. We've had the exact same problem for years. My parents fry everything and hardly ever open a window. I didn’t mind us all having to change/wash etc after visiting but taking DM out places with her coat stinking of chip fat was too much. I politely told her and things are a little bit better... but everything is still fried..to be honest I think my mum thinks I exaggerated the problem and they don't smell it themselves.

IsitJustFantasy · 14/02/2017 20:27

Rather than telling her it's always smelled bad, maybe you could just say "Oh it smells a bit in here today. Have you been using your fryer today?" Well I think if it was my mum she'd be upset if I said it always stank but if I made out I'd just noticed it she could deal with it and feel less embarrassed. (I hope this makes sense.)

Original poster
NoCapes · 14/02/2017 20:31

Trolls no obviously the doesn't linger in the air and attaches itself to us magically - it attaches itself to us when she's cooking! Obviously Hmm

OP posts:
Original poster
NoCapes · 14/02/2017 20:32

Fantasy I have tried that one once or twice but I just get "I know I need to clean the fryer/just cooked bacon isn't it annoying etc etc" and we smell again the next week

OP posts:
Ladybirdbookworm · 14/02/2017 20:33

The smell of food cooking definitely does attach itself to clothes.
I used to work in a chip shop as a teenager and my Mam used to make me undress in the kitchen as soon as I got in from work .
I still stunk though as it stuck to my hair

TheMysteriousJackelope · 14/02/2017 20:47

You know she would be mortified to go around smelling of chip fat so it would be kind to tell her.

As you posted, you are not saying 'she's, you're pointing out that her kitchen ventilation isn't sufficient. When you are talking to her ask her why she doesn't use it. If it is the noise and that can't be fixed, look into getting her a new one.

Allthebestnamesareused · 14/02/2017 20:48

Trolls I hate to break it to you but you probably did but you too had become noise blind to it.

Disclaimer: I worked in KFC as a teen too!

Degustibusnonestdisputandem · 14/02/2017 20:48

Ooh yes, I used to reek after returning from a McDonald's shift while at uni!

maddiemookins16mum · 14/02/2017 20:56

Every other week at work we'd go "to the caff" for lunch (egg and chips etc). We always smelled on return as there was no ventilation at all.

IsitJustFantasy · 14/02/2017 21:01

I can imagine the smell. When I used to see my dad my clothes would always come out reeking of cooking oil and cigerette smoke.

Trollspoopglitter · 14/02/2017 21:09

You really don't need to break it to me at all. :-). It didn't attach to my uniform. Maybe just hygiene, eh?

NotAMammy · 14/02/2017 21:17

trolls if you spent any time in the kitchen, you smelt of chip grease, you just might not have smelt it.

OP, tell your mum. I'd want to know, especially if I was smelling out and about. If she has a dishwasher, say about how easy it is to clean the filter in the dishwasher (I only found this out recently myself) If she doesn't have a dishwasher and you do, offer to put the filters through yours. Cleaning our filter is my absolute least favourite thing in the world. Maybe mention that you noticed the smell lingering these last few visits even when she wasn't cooking?

FireInTheHead · 14/02/2017 21:24

Trolls You must be the only person ever to work in a food!environment and not have your clothes and hair absorb the cooking food smells. I'm in awe of your hygienic and unsmelly Superpowers.
I showered every night after work, wore clean uniform every day - what was I missing?

Notrevealingmyidentity · 14/02/2017 21:25

Yes when I worked in a kitchen my clothes and hair smelt of grease too.

I used to wash and change after getting in.