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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have expected a thank you

48 replies

Catlady1976 · 14/02/2017 17:01

So dh is away on business this week. I packed a Valentine's card and his favourite chocolates in his overnight bag.
I got nothing from him. Fair enough we don't always make an effort.
We spoke by phone today and I was expecting a thank you but no mention.
I later texted to ask if he had seem them and all I got was yes.
Aibu to be pissed off.

OP posts:
Only1scoop · 14/02/2017 17:03

He's probably being snippy with you as he's embarrassed he didn't even bother to get you a card.

RJnomore1 · 14/02/2017 17:05

Is that you cat ?

Is he panicking round Asda trying to find you something?

Scarydinosaurs · 14/02/2017 17:06

Literally just yes and nothing else??

So rude.

WhereDoesThisRoadGo · 14/02/2017 17:10

Sounds like he takes what you do for him for granted and being complacent about the thought you put in. I had this issue with my DP of 12 years a few years ago. I did a card, fav chocs and a discontinued book he wanted for work. I got a card and a brief hug. I simply asked calmly how he would feel if someone he had been with for a few months had done what I had. His face said it all. That solved that problem.

Original poster
Catlady1976 · 14/02/2017 17:23

He could have been working when I texted but really I should have had a thank you either by phone or a better text now.
Clearly he thinks he is more important than me.

OP posts:
Zaphodsotherhead · 14/02/2017 17:31

I sent my XDH an anniversary card on our tenth anniversary (he was working 400 miles away, leaving me alone for weeks on end with our five kids). Waiting for the postman. Nothing. Waited for the flower delivery. Nothing.

When he finally came home, a couple of weeks later, I asked if he'd got the card. He said 'yes'. Then, grudgingly, when I was obviously waiting for something, anything else, he said 'thanks'.

The marriage was over four weeks later. He couldn't even be bothered to ring me on the day. You are not alone, OP.

bumsexatthebingo · 14/02/2017 18:05

It's not the lack of a thank you so much as the abrupt 'yes' that wold bother me. Does he usually talk to you like crap?

SignOnTheWindow · 14/02/2017 18:35

YANBU. You did a sweet and thoughtful thing. He is being a rude, ungrateful shit.

Fakenewsday · 14/02/2017 18:37

I can only hope he was frantically panicking about what to get you and how to organise - otherwise it's pretty crap behaviour. I hope you've had a call now work is done

Original poster
Catlady1976 · 14/02/2017 18:53

I suspect he will tell me to buy myself something. That is not the point.

OP posts:
MadMags · 14/02/2017 18:55

Was it you that was posting about him before and everyone thought he was a wanker then?

BitOutOfPractice · 14/02/2017 19:06

That would make me really pissed off too op. Ungrateful rude twat.

bastardlyandmutley · 14/02/2017 19:06

I think it is bad manners and thoughtless. I understand why you are hurt. I've got similar issues, not about Valentines Day though. I made loads of effort for DH's birthday (presents, cooking, balloons, homemade cake, table set with candles etc) and he barely acknowledged it. He instead got blotto (think drinking whisky before dinner), wolfed the meal down and then sat on the sofa in a drunken stupor. I told him the next day that I felt really cross and now feel bloody awful for ruining his birthday!

It's shite when you have done something nice and get no response or worse have to to ask whether they liked something because they aren't forthcoming with thanks. It is almost like a forced confession, meaningless. Just don't bother again, I won't be!

Original poster
Catlady1976 · 15/02/2017 00:25

Well despite prompting I still haven't had a thank you. O well had a great day with kids.

OP posts:
BitOutOfPractice · 15/02/2017 01:02

Is he usually an arsehole op?

mygorgeousmilo · 15/02/2017 01:29

OP if I remember rightly, he's always selfish and self centred and horrible. You will always get the same response from mumsnet, YANBU, but really how long are you going to put up with his shit for?!

Itisnoteasybeingdifferent · 15/02/2017 05:30

What is he doing whilst away?
You say "on business". That can cover a lot of things right up to negotiating a contract that could see his employer stay in business and you in money down to collecting some bits.

It can be very full on whilst working away from home. OTOH, he could be thoughtless?

Anotherdayanotherscreenname · 15/02/2017 05:51

It's not the lack of a thank you so much as the abrupt 'yes' that wold bother me. Does he usually talk to you like crap?

Was the yes not in a text? I don't think texts can be abrupt - that's where madness lies!

But the lack of thank you would hurt my feelings. I visualise marriage like a set of scales - is he shit at gifts and gratitude but great in other areas? Is he staying true to the vows he made to you?

When the scales start so lean to the wrong side you start questioning things, then if the final straw tips the scales you 'LTB'.

TheNaze73 · 15/02/2017 08:01

Has anyone jumping on him, actually worked away on say an IT system set up or contract negotiation? 17/18 hour days are not uncommon & doing it all for the family pot. You work/sleep that's it. Sounds like a communication breakdown to me & nothing more sinister than that

BitOutOfPractice · 15/02/2017 08:03

Thenaze I don't even know where to start with that.

Butterymuffin · 15/02/2017 08:20

So there was time to write 'yes' but not 'yes, thanks, love you'? Even a contract negotiation could accommodate the extra two seconds needed for that.

Original poster
Catlady1976 · 15/02/2017 08:24

Work is a 9 to 5 course. Accept original text came in working day do could have just been a quick tap.
But he still had had an opportunity to thank me in phone call.
I thought I would give him one last chance and sent a further text asking if he enjoyed them. His reply was I haven't had them yet.
I give up.

OP posts:
Scarydinosaurs · 15/02/2017 08:48

Someone on a different thread had a similar situation and said to their DH how would you have responded if someone you'd been seeing for four months had done that for you. I think this is key- he's taking you for granted. It's a nice thing to do for someone regardless of how you feel about Valentine's Day. A thank you is the very least he could do.

BadToTheBone · 15/02/2017 08:48

It wouldn't bother me in the slightest, I'd assume he was busy and it wasn't a big gesture, just something to make him briefly smile. However, dh is a nice guy and is generally a nice thoughtful bloke (not overmuch though, I'd hate that, lol). If you're pissed off, it would indicate a deeper problem generally.

Original poster
Catlady1976 · 15/02/2017 09:10

Surely bad saying thank you is just basic manners.
But yes this is not the 1St time he has been thoughtless so I guess this is clouding my judgement.

OP posts: