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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have expected a thank you

48 replies

Catlady1976 · 14/02/2017 17:01

So dh is away on business this week. I packed a Valentine's card and his favourite chocolates in his overnight bag.
I got nothing from him. Fair enough we don't always make an effort.
We spoke by phone today and I was expecting a thank you but no mention.
I later texted to ask if he had seem them and all I got was yes.
Aibu to be pissed off.

OP posts:
Jenniferb21 · 15/02/2017 09:11

No YANBU but I'd just say to my DH where's my thank you??

BillSykesDog · 15/02/2017 09:15

Are you sure

A) Chocolates didn't get smashed and damage/ruin anything because he didn't know they were there?

B) They didn't come out in front of colleagues and embarrass him because he didn't know they were there again?

I would be careful about putting stuff in bags without telling people

Or

C). He's having an affair, can't send gushy messages in front of mistress he's spending Valentines Day with.

Anotherdayanotherscreenname · 15/02/2017 09:35

So there was time to write 'yes' but not 'yes, thanks, love you'?

This was the madness I was talking about. Grin If this is a stand alone issue YABU. Check the scales.

WhyPost · 15/02/2017 10:18

Generally I think it's best to give people some leeway when it comes to texts - people can appear a lot ruder or shorter than they intend to be.

Not saying he shouldn't have said thanks though.

BastardGoDarkly · 15/02/2017 10:24

He's being a twat! No time/under pressure, poor love my arse, he's had ample opportunity to say... Ah, thanks love, that was lovely.

Sorry op, I'd be pissed off too Flowers

Butterymuffin · 15/02/2017 19:42

Anotherday check the scales? What kind of madness is that about? Grin

Anotherdayanotherscreenname · 15/02/2017 19:48

It refers to my previous post about balance in relationships.

To be honest my DH got a 🙄 for even sending a happy valentines text. I'm a pretty good wife but valentines makes my toes curl. If DH had sent me a box of chocolate or piece of overpriced paper, I'd see him as a sucker who spent his money on romance on command. I'd struggle to hold my tongue, much less muster a thank you!

Original poster
Catlady1976 · 15/02/2017 23:54

Personally I like to give and receive a piece of overpriced paper (sorry fairly cheap card factory card) and a thoughtful gift. Maybe dh no longer feels the same so I will treat myself next year.

OP posts:
BabychamSocialist · 16/02/2017 00:50

It's thoughtless to not thank you but it wouldn't bother me. Mind you, I see Valentine's Day as commercialised rubbish that's meant to make you feel crap about how your relationship isn't "perfect" but maybe that's just me.

User24601isTaken · 16/02/2017 04:59

BabychamSocialist It's not just you! I think it's all a nonsense too. I don't even like roses, they are so cliche. Flowers

Original poster
Catlady1976 · 17/02/2017 19:51

Well he's back. No gift but did apologize for not thinking. Agreed to not bother next year.

OP posts:
Scarydinosaurs · 17/02/2017 22:19

Did he apologise for not saying thank you??

BitOutOfPractice · 18/02/2017 00:10

What an utterly depressing outcome op. I bet you feel shit now. What a wanker he's been when it would've been so easy not to bf

littleflamingo · 18/02/2017 00:20

You both agreed to not bother next year? Gosh!
He should compromise next year actually. I wish I was so easy and comprehensive like you op

Original poster
Catlady1976 · 18/02/2017 10:12

He did apologize for not thanking me. But not for not caring enough to think of me when I am home with the kids on Valentine's Day.
Just feel ground down and feel it is pointless to care.
Not sure we will even be together next year.

OP posts:
Original poster
Catlady1976 · 18/02/2017 10:13

Auto-correct fail.

OP posts:
Aderyn2016 · 18/02/2017 10:20

You can do better than him Cat.
As for the poster who'd berate their dh for buying chocs and a card, I feel sorry for the poor bugger being landed with such a misery guts. Yes, it is a bit of a rip off but the point would be that he cared enough to make some effort to do a nice thing. The gracious and loving response would be to thank him. Otherwise, why would he bother doing nice things for you in future?

Backt0Black · 18/02/2017 10:44

What a miserable sod. No 'the commercialisation' and 'waste of money' is not an excuse. He could have left you a note with biro and a scrap of old paper with flowers nicked from next doors garden.

Its a total lack of care and attention and all around 'can't be arsed attitude' it's one day to do something nice FFS!

YANBU

Original poster
Catlady1976 · 19/02/2017 00:57

Well we have gone away for weekend. He went back to accommodation early and we followed later. 4 Year old was asleep on floor and he was asleep in his bed. He really is a selfish tosser and I want out.

OP posts:
BitOutOfPractice · 19/02/2017 04:40

What?

So he either went to bed and left the 4yo to fend for themselves. Or he went to bed and left the 4yo asleep on the floor?

Yep. Selfish tosser. Lazy too.

Henrysmycat · 19/02/2017 06:48

OP, Don't spend years just collecting "strikes". You know deep down that's not a healthy relationship. Do t waste your life, it's a short life and everyone deserves happiness.
I'm not a fan of Vday as I hate the commercialisation but my DH is. Also, I don't see the point as I'm always declaring my undying love for him and my appreciation. (He's a nice decent man). So the middle ground is a homemade card, and I always make him some chocolates and a nice meal, even if that's strawberries dipped in chocolate and a pasta dish. I am misery guts who refuses to go out on this day. He's always reciprocating. It's not celebrating or not, is about making sure, the other one is happy for at least one effing day in the year.
OP, you are grasping at straws for him to prove you wrong but he just doesn't care enough. I've dated a lot, including major A.Holes and if a man was that indifferent, it meant he just wasn't into me any more.

Original poster
Catlady1976 · 19/02/2017 18:27

He claims he put him to bed and he must have got out of bed.

OP posts:
Fakenewsday · 20/02/2017 12:00

my DH couldn't care less about V-day but he gets me a card and flowers because he knows i care a little bit about some sort of gesture. If you've been together a good while and he hasn't figured this out then he doesn't care and it doesn't sound very good

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