Does this man sound awful or is it just me?

[Meowstro]

I'm sitting in a hospital bed next to a woman and her partner, told the nurse she didn't know what she was talking about on subject of his partner's mc. He then tells his partner that she's lucky he's with her as no one else would stay with her in hospital like he has. He's told her to get rid of her top she's wearing because he doesn't like it and when she asked if he would buy her a new one, he said no, she'd have to get a 9-5 job to pay for things. He's taking to her like she's an idiot because English isn't her first language and his seems to be (just about), just like with the nurse. He's dictating what she needs to text to a friend. He's complaining about how long they've been waiting for doctor to come and see them and she's now apologising to him for it.

I already want to deck him and he's muttering about me under his breath due to the fact I'm wearing my husband's shirt!?

Is it me or is he a dick?

How horrible for her.

I hope they address his behaviour and put in a referral.

If she's not from the UK he might be using the fact she could be deported against her, I've heard of that before.

I hope she's ok.

Wannabe not everyone knows they are in an abusive relationship. If we all just left it or said NOMB I'm sure a fair few MNetters alone would be worse off now.

Of course she can make her own choice but that won't always be the case under duress.

I'd have made him aware I heard him and I'm normally very uncomfortable with strangers but I couldn't stand that kind of meanness going unchallenged.

Seriously wannabe? Maybe she's shit scared of him? If he's like this in public fuck knows what he's like at home

How is being with an arsehole a safeguarding issue? Presumably she's an adult capable of making her own decisions?

It sure is a safety issue for the OP, who is exposed to the aggressiveness, male entitlement and dangerousness of this arsehole while being in an hospital bed, which I assume is for reasons.
I wouldn't want to sit next to this man on a train, his presence in a hospital room is inacceptable.

But apart from that, I think you haven't quite grasped how abusive relationships work.

How is being with an arsehole a safeguarding issue? Presumably she's an adult capable of making her own decisions?

Perhaps he's gas lighting, perhaps she isn't allowed out of the house without him, perhaps she is stuck in an abusive relationship and doesn't realise this isn't normal, perhaps she has mental health issues or learning difficulties. Would you like me to continue...........?

Alice, they had that at my gp surgery, I was so relieved to see it.

Being with an arse hole is a safeguarding issue till someone has a chat with the woman and assesses whether she knows he is an arse hole and would rather be with him or whether she's scared and desperate to leave.

And her capacity to make the decision to stay can be assessed. And she can be informed of agencies that may be able to help her. Plus safeguarding issues around any children they have can be assessed. Once all that's done and the woman has capacity, there are no children involved, she knows it's not normal to be treated like that and knows there are agencies that can help her leave if she wants to - then it won't be a safeguarding issue anymore.

I'm surprised anyone would think this isn't a safeguarding issue to at least be flagged up and investigated.

If her English is limited the poor woman could be far away from family, islolated from others who speak her language, from a paternalistic country, iykwim, and may not know that she can get help. Goodness knows what he's told her. Maybe she has left a horrible situation in her own country and he has her convinced that she will be sent back.

It sounds as if he's staying to make sure she doesn't get help. This is one of the reasons I hate open visiting. I wonder if they would put him off the ward if you reported his comments to you, op, citing that you feel threatened by him, or do you think he could force her to discharge herself?

I passed the information on to the nurse who just thanked me for letting her know. It felt like she knew what I was on about already from the look on her face. I've stood up to men before in situations like this but being in hospital is not an ideal place. Alice, I really think a lot of hospitals should adopt similar yet differing schemes (so people can't catch on), it could help so many people.

Bill, I'm not trivializing this woman's suffering in any way, I've just wondered whether I was being too judgemental on someone else's relationship. One of my acquaintances is like this with her husband and you'd think it were abusive until you saw after a couple of times that they both find it hilarious (have done for 20 years) and that's their relationship dynamic. It's easy to see a man laugh his comments off and her occasionally laugh or smile back and wonder the same - is it just me? Yes, he was a dick about my husband's - oversized, btw - shirt, but some people are just dicks. As you could hear him from the corridor, I was intentionally listening to all of this, I wasn't ear pressed to a wall, getting enjoyment out of it, thanks, I'd have preferred peace for myself and lady next to me.