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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Does this man sound awful or is it just me?

60 replies

Meowstro · 14/02/2017 14:41

I'm sitting in a hospital bed next to a woman and her partner, told the nurse she didn't know what she was talking about on subject of his partner's mc. He then tells his partner that she's lucky he's with her as no one else would stay with her in hospital like he has. He's told her to get rid of her top she's wearing because he doesn't like it and when she asked if he would buy her a new one, he said no, she'd have to get a 9-5 job to pay for things. He's taking to her like she's an idiot because English isn't her first language and his seems to be (just about), just like with the nurse. He's dictating what she needs to text to a friend. He's complaining about how long they've been waiting for doctor to come and see them and she's now apologising to him for it.

I already want to deck him and he's muttering about me under his breath due to the fact I'm wearing my husband's shirt!?

Is it me or is he a dick?

OP posts:

DrivingMeBonkers · 14/02/2017 15:41

I would alert the nurse, this comes under safeguarding, verbal and psychological abuse. If they poo-hoo you, you can ask to see the Named Nurse for Safeguarding, they can't refuse you that.

WorraLiberty · 14/02/2017 15:41

I'm amazed he could tell it was a man's shirt?

AliceThrewTheFookingGlass · 14/02/2017 15:42

I would quietly raise your concerns with a member of staff. Hopefully they will then be able to talk to her when he isn't there and can let her know that there is help and support available to her.

I imagine the staff would want to know so they can offer her help. I know they would at our local hospital. there are tiny coloured stickers in the ladies toilets with DV awareness posters saying if you would like to talk to a member of staff about anything without your partner being present then you can put a sticker at the bottom of your sample pot and they will arrange that quietly and confidentially.

aaaaargghhhhelpme · 14/02/2017 15:44

Alice that is brilliant. Never heard of that before but what a genius idea.

Op - yes please do what you can. He sounds horrific. Poor woman

Deathraystare · 14/02/2017 15:44

Just, "look at the state of her wearing a man's shirt. Disgusting!".

I would certainly have had a go at him for that!!

EighthElement · 14/02/2017 15:47

That's a great idea alice
I might have been brav3 enough to do that.

Talk to nurses OP

VestalVirgin · 14/02/2017 15:48

He's abusive. Yeah, report this.

I am also quite shocked that there's no nurse in the room while this disgusting man is there.

Aren't there any rules to prevent this kind of thing?

One really should not have to deal with this kind of thing in hospital. Another reason why hospitals are bad for one's health. (Along with often horrid food and antibiotics-resistant bacteria)

Report him, if you don't dare talk of his abusiveness, just mention his rudeness towards you. Should be enough reason to have him kicked out, in a fair world.

poundinthewood · 14/02/2017 15:48

Can you record what this arse man is saying?

January87 · 14/02/2017 15:50

Oh Alice that's a brilliant idea!

shinynewusername · 14/02/2017 15:53

Hi Alice - I'm really interested in borrowing this idea for my health centre. Do you mind telling me (PM if you prefer) which hospital does it? Thanks

TheCatsMother99 · 14/02/2017 15:54

I love the sticker idea Alice mentioned. In some ways it reminds me of that 'Ask for Angela' thing some bars do when you're on a date that isn't going well and you're not feeling safe or comfortable with the other person.

ArchNotImpudent · 14/02/2017 15:55

Yes, report him. Could you start a general conversation with the woman when he's not around - just to let her know you have a sympathetic ear - she might not open up, but if she did, you could point her in the direction of support?

Beelands · 14/02/2017 16:02

We used to do the sticker thing. Unfortunately it got too well known and an incident occurred when an abusive man spotted the sticker on his wife's pot. I wonder Alice if you would consider asking for your post to be deleted? I understand completely why you shared it but it dribbling out this way has made it useless in more than one hospital x

ActuallyThatsSUPREMECommander · 14/02/2017 16:05

It does sound like she could do with a pointer that his behaviour goes way beyond "blokes are a pain sometimes" into abusive territory. If you can find some way to say "love, I think the way he treats you is really not right - have a look at this leaflet" then please do.

SissySpacekAteMyHamster · 14/02/2017 16:10

I would've complained about the comment he made to you. He has no right to behave like that and should be pulled on it. What a twat.

LavenderDoll · 14/02/2017 16:12

I'm surprised he could tell you were wearing a man's shirt...

AliceThrewTheFookingGlass · 14/02/2017 16:16

Sorry bee, I was always asked to leave any samples inside the toilet to be collected from a nurse so I hadn't even considered the possibility of the stickers being seen and it causing more harm than good

ThisisrealityGreg · 14/02/2017 16:18

I'm surprised he could tell you were wearing a man's shirt..

Why - it would be very obvious if I was wearing my husband's shirt as it would be about 10 sizes too large for me.

Even if the size wasn't an issue I know of people (male & female) who would make that comment just because a woman was wearing a checked/non 'girly' shirt. They just don't like women in men-style clothes and they think it's their business.

Italiangreyhound · 14/02/2017 16:19

Sick alert

BillSykesDog · 14/02/2017 16:21

YABVU to report the contents of someone else's conversation on MN just after they've had a miscarriage. I hope you've tried to disguise it. Talk to the nurse. But it's not fair of you to share someone else's business on a forum like this when they're already in a vulnerable position.

ActuallyThatsSUPREMECommander · 14/02/2017 16:25

This is not "someone else's business" BSD. This is, possibly, apparently, an abusive bastard harassing an extremely vulnerable woman. Surely MN is a very natural place to ask for advice when you witness something like that.

BillSykesDog · 14/02/2017 16:28

It doesn't take a rocket scientist to know to discuss it with the staff. Being in hospital after a miscarriage is a horrible vulnerable situation. To find out someone was listening in on you and broadcasting what was going on on a public forum would be fucking devastating. Unnecessary and indefensible.

CookieLady · 14/02/2017 16:29

Italian, huh?

FatOldBag · 14/02/2017 16:32

I'd have to say something. As loudly and rudely as possible. He's a horrible abusive cunt, and she probably thinks he's normal because everyone pretends around them that his behaviour isn't concerning. Poor woman.

WannaBe · 14/02/2017 16:33

How is being with an arsehole a safeguarding issue? Presumably she's an adult capable of making her own decisions?

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