To be upset with my 'friend'?

[MsHoneyBee]

First of all, sorry, this is long!
So, context, I'll admit it. I'm a very 'fussy' eater. Im getting miles better however I know it's something MN just. Can't. Stand. Anyway it is due to a legitimate eating disorder/ phobia, so please no flaming!

So I went out with a large group to an Indian restaurant. As always, I didn't make a huge fuss. I simply studied the menu and asked the host if we could order some 'non-spicy' chicken things and naan. All fine. (We all ordered separately then the plan was to share)

We got there, food arrives, all totally fine. I tuck in to my chicken, discovered it was still a bit too spicy/had some strange herbs on it, so I ate a little bit, quietly left the rest and ate some naan.

I was happily chatting away, when in comes other 'friend'. She said I must be hungry, try some curry, I smile and say no thank you. She goes on to offer just about everything I keep saying no thank you, I'm fine, I'm not feeling it, etc.

She then starts making a really loud fuss, speaking to everyone "oh I just can't stand fussy people, aren't you starving? Just try some you might like it, etc etc." The host told her to cool it, but all through out the meal she just kept making snippy remarks. Pudding came and I ordered some ice cream, she goes "oh you don't mind eating crap then, hahaha" (FWIW, I split the bill at the end with everyone else, as per)

Anyway, apologies if that was really long. I tried so hard to make sure I was not making a fuss, as usual, and I'm really upset with it. There's another meal in a month, she's coming and I'm so worried she's going to do the same thing. WWYD/AIBU?

What a dick!

I also have food phobias. They started 15 years ago when I had PND and ruined my ability to enjoy life for 10 years.

With that in mind I think i would have throttled her.

Urgh she was a bitch I can't eat certain foods due to intolerances as I suffer for a day afterwards if I do. It's pain in the arse I hate having to check what the ingredients are and it limits sharing and trying other stuff.

I cannot believe anyone could be so f*cking rude about someone else quietly making the best of not enjoying the meal - grrrrrrrrrrrr

Does she make a huge song and dance about most things. She would really annoy me if you have paid full price despite eating much.

I'll eat anything these days and love spicy food but I wouldn't dream of interfering with or even commenting on what someone else was eating. If I were you I would practice some assertive responses ready for the next meal and try to shut her down, it would be a shame to let her put you off going out for meals.

Maybe say (in quite a loud voice so that hopefully it embarrasses her into shutting up) 'I'm perfectly fine with what I have thank you, there's no need for you to concern yourself with what I'm eating' or 'I am a grown up you know x, I'm perfectly capable of choosing what I'd like to eat' or 'surely there are more interesting things to talk about than what I'm eating x, I thought we were here for a nice night out?' or simply laugh and ask 'who are you, the food police?'

Managing to find something you will eat whether it's 'your kind of food' or not is something you should be proud of, you're not letting it stop you socialising so try not to worry about drawing attention. It's her who's being weird by harping on about it so show her up for that and stop worrying about other people noticing what you're eating. The more comfortable you are about eating what you like the easier you will find it to turn the tables on her and make it obvious she's the one with the 'issues' while you're happily eating what you've chosen.

Some people just have no concept of how complicated eating can be. I have a friend who doesn't eat in public because of various issues - I try to encourage her to come to events where food is involved but not the sole event (eg a murder mystery night or charity quiz night where food is provided), and tell her that nobody cares if she buys a ticket but doesn't eat, it will just be one less person to feed, and they'll be glad she's there. But I know she still finds it very hard and embarrassing.

I will eat, and enjoy, most things and have a friend like you BUt she is a PiA turns her nose up at everything, moans, then says she won't eat and will get a sandwich at home, face like smacked arse. I don't know why she even eats out since she will only eat a very well done fillet steak - yes I know, what a fuckin waste of money and steak - and chips.

You sounds perfectly reasonable though and she was a bitch, tell her to shut the fuck up.

YANBU. Personally I can't understand fussy eaters, I love food too much! However, thats more if I'm cooking a meal and have to go through 20 different options until I find one they will actually eat! It wouldn't stop me cooking for them though or being friends, its just one of those things!

A restaurant is totally different anyway and its no ones business what you eat and don't eat. if you don't like it, you don't like it! What is it to her.

She behaved terribly and lets hope she is feeling somewhat ashamed of herself afterwards.

Go to the italian and eat whatever the hell you want. if she starts again just tell her to shut up - even better , if shes a bit porky, tell her you can see SHE doesn't have an issue with what she eats!!

Tell her that she isnt your mother and to butt the feck out of your life.

What difference could it possibly make to her whether you want to eat something or not. I dont have food issues but I do not like overly spicey food. I would eat a korma and naans etc but nothing much else except perhaps the pakora. If I just want to have a nice night out and I am prepared to pay for it to spend time with friends then what I eat is nobody elses business.

Next time just tell her to mind her own and when you want her opinion you will give her it.

Some people have such low self esteem they have to put others down to make themselves feel important, its pathetic.

Do not let her spoil a night out, if she starts next time maybe say " I wonder why you are so invested in what I eat, maybe you have issues around controlling others"? and see what the others say to that and watch her cringe. She doesnt care about your feelings, dont spare hers.

I have a medical condition which restricts my diet massively unless I want to spend the next 2+ days in horrible pain. Think trying to eat out avoiding onions, garlic, gluten and lactose, to name a few. No one - not pushy family, not colleagues, and certainly not friends - has ever been anything other than understanding or laboured the issue. Like you, I don't whinge, I just get on with eating what I can eat (and have had to develop a little backbone about asking whether X contains Y), but it is nobody else's business! Your 'friend' was being a bitch.

I had a colleague for a year who had peculiar eating and exercise patterns herself (would spend whole days just eating carrots for example and would go to the gym three times a day) but would comment incessantly on what I ate. I would choose things from the canteen that were perfectly normal or boring choices - a jacket potato with tuna and salad for example and she would hold her nose, point at it in disgust, move seats so she didn't have to smell my dinner etc etc etc. All the while eating her massive bowl of plain cooked cabbage. It simultaneously amused and enraged me in equal measure. I even tried to request a different lunch break but wasn't able to due to staffing. I still cannot BEAR people critiquing my food, and even now, 10 years later if I ever comment on the choice that DH makes in a restaurant or something he always says 'remember ex-colleague and how annoying it was when she commented on your food!' It's the height of bad manners and the other lady was very silly. I'm pretty much teetotal for a variety of reasons and I get all sorts of bullshit about that on nights out, people should just mind their own business!

She wasn't just rude to you, she was rude to everyone. What's her problem? Obviously you don't know, but it might be worth asking her next time. I honestly never notice what other people are eating when I'm out, let alone ask them to explain themselves.

She wasn't just rude to you, she was rude to everyone. What's her problem? Obviously you don't know, but it might be worth asking her next time. I honestly never notice what other people are eating when I'm out, let alone ask them to explain themselves.

Ty for responses. So chuffed to have others the same! Just when I think I've got it under control (it felt like a big deal to even go to an Indian restaurant, much less try something I've never had before) something like this happens and it's back a few squares. It's so incredibly frustrating, especially since much of the anxiety comes from being with other people when I eat! :(

I've text her to say that she's made me embarrassed and upset anyway, hopefully she'll pipe down next time.

I meet friends at an Indian restaurant occasionally and as I'm a fussy eater and don't like spicy food, I always order chicken and chips. The rest of the group are used to me and look on in amused tolerance and frankly sometimes envy, saying it looks nice, as they tuck into their catsick curries.

You quietly got on with eating what you liked. She drew attention to what you were or weren't eating in a very rude way. You're not her child, you presumably eat a balanced diet most of the time in spite of fussiness, one meal (which isn't especially healthy anyway!) isn't the be all and end all of anyone's life

So yanbu

I hope you have a lovely evening at the Italian OP, if your "not friend", starts creating, say that she might enjoy her own meal more, if she gave her mouth a rest. You can be sure, her comments will make others uncomfortable as well.

Gosh she sounds terribly boring! Imagine having nothing of interest to say so you resort to commenting on others eating habits!

Totally NU. As an adult you get to decide de what you eat. It's a perk of being a grown up. You didn't make a fuss by the sounds of it, you were very convivial and very chilled about splitting the bill.

Your friend sounds nasty.

The only way you would have peeved me off was if you started to make comments, looks or tuts about the food and make a little show about how you didn't like it / couldn't eat it; a poor little me act. I've been out with people like this and it is bloody annoying. It's like them shouting 'look at me, look at me'

From what you have said, you didn't make a fuss and ate what you could. Why would anyone have an issue with that? That person was very rude to comment and best to be avoided!

Sounds like you went for a meal with my sister!

Best thing to do is not comment. Ask about holidays, plans for half term, weekend etc. Get as many people as possible involved in talking about weekend, tv etc.
Just pretend she is not commenting on the food at all. But you'll need to get everyone on board with this before the next meal.

Yanbu. And you are not a fussy eater in my opinion! A fussy eater is someone who fusses. Which from your account you didn't. You caused no trouble to a host, you didn't turn up at a dinner party and refuse food without warning you had an issue with it, you didn't make a big deal about not liking food or ask for extra attention. In fact you caused zero problem to anyone apart from this strange woman who I think IS a fussy eater--i.e. She makes a huge fuss about nothing while eating! 😃

Good for you telling her, that's brilliant. Do let us know her response, the silly mare!

Even without being a fussy eater, it's suprising how much stuff I just don't quite fancy on menus.

As for spicy food I like it, but would worry about it being too spicy & having the dry throat cough, cough, gasping for water thing start, so I do tend to stick to stuff I know so as to avoid a possible scene.

That's good you texted her, some people get away with the most appalling rude behaviour and no-one says anything.

Ask her why she's going on and why is it any of her business. Is it stopping her eating. Silly bitch.