AIBU to be so mad at ex over him going on holiday without dd

[MadGrrMad]

Aibu to be so mad? First post so hopefully I get it right.

Background : me and ex broke up when I was pregnant with dd, we was together about a year and young... he got with his now wife very soon after, they have 2 kids girl and boy. Ex sees dd eow for 1 day Friday 5pm-Saturday 5pm.
Dd is 9, his 2 kids are 6 & 4.
We don't get on.. All contact changes/arrangements are made via text.

So I have just found out him and his wife are taking there to kids to Disneyland in December as there Xmas present!! And not dd!! She's not even been offered, I'm livid...as they did the same thing in December 2015 and dd also didn't get an invite then, although he said he asked her and she said no but when I asked her did he ask you she said she was never asked! (This was back in Jan 2016 when I found out they went)

Why wouldn't he take his other daughter, he has 3 children not 2!

Il admit I haven't always been an angel when it comes to making arrangements for him to see dd in the past... More so in the first 3 years of her life as he was the one who initiated the split, and I have said she couldn't go away with them before when they have asked, they also did pay for her to go away in the uk with them all last year but dd decided she didn't want to go a couple weeks before so she didn't go.

I just feel like this is so different, it's Disneyland Paris not a uk break!!

Aibu to ask what he's playing at ? Or does he have a right to have a holiday with his wife and the kids they have together and not involve dd...

Aibu to text and ask why dd hasn't been invited or should I just leave it? Im just so mad right now and don't know if I'm being unreasonable.

You reap what you sew OP.

I am sorry for your daughter and her father.

My DH has been on the receiving end of this. He has a DD, now a teenager, with whom he's had EOW contact for years (this is now only used as rough guide as we try to be flexible for her now her social life is changing/increasing). We also have a younger DD together.

Anyhow, throughout her younger years, DH's ex wife picked holes in most things we did with DSD- outings, weekends away etc. Once, even a dog walk we did with DSD was criticised because her mum felt it was too cold to be out walking (there are no relevant health issues). We were all wrapped up in lots of layers, had a fun time (or at least she seemed to) and thoroughly enjoyed the hot chocolate we had to warm up afterwards.

It was actually very hard to take DSD on a weekend away as there were so many obstacles put in the way when we were trying to plan it that it became a chore rather than a pleasure. When we did occasionally manage to go away for a night or two, we usually had a text over the course of the time wanting to change things in some way- a sudden need (not an emergency) for her to be dropped back earlier the next day for example (effectively shortening the break for us all). DH declined to do this, but dealing with the texts and conversing with her about it took the shine off things.

We once toyed with the idea of a long weekend away with DSD- effectively missing school on the Friday and the Monday. This was before the absence fines etc kicked in. Her mum refused- fair enough. Except that she has taken her away several times since for long weekends, missing school on the Friday and Monday...

As a result of all these types of incidents, we have had weekends/breaks away without DSD and I have to say, the lack of stress when we do has been wonderful. We include her when possible but don't beat ourselves up when we can't.

I'm glad OP has realised she may have had a bearing on the current situation- it may mean it can be resolved for the future. But from bitter experience I can certainly see how it has come about and have seen the affects first hand.

This is going to come across as harsh, but it depends on who is paying for it. It won't be a cheap holiday, and if I were deciding and paying for my family to go on holiday, I would seriously think twice about spending a lot of money on a fickle stepchild who (a) changes her mind at the last moment (b) has an equally fickle mother who plays fast and loose with contact.

I can see where your ex is coming from.

Dss was supposed to come away with us on "just" a seaside break last summer.
His mum booked him tickets to do something else and only mentioned it approx 48 hrs before we were due to go, then stopped answering her phone.

We are in a position to go abroad this year and I'm erring towards not even offering.

She also regularly cancels contact on the day citing things like weddings, which is fine, but pretty sure you get more than 3 hours notice on the invite.

Not surprised her dad didn't invite her given that you let her decide not to go on the holiday he booked last year and youve previously stopped her going away with him. The extra cost plus knowing there's a decent chance she'll back out st the last minute and it's obvious why he didn't ask

I am sorry OP but I agree with most people and say YABU.

You caused this problem, maybe next time they go for a big holiday you offer to cover the cost of her place and make sure she goes (or not so its your money wasted not your EX).

I bet you wouldnt let your DD be not keen on a UK holiday if you were paying for it..

Damn i hate parents who play games with there children.