To tell DSd that she has to wash her own dishes??

[TBoz]

Basically whenever I am washing up DSD will come along, take a clean glass, pour herself a glass of milk and then put the used glass back in the wAter for me then wash. She's 13 btw.

After her taking a clean glass, using it and then putting it back in water for me to wash whilst I'm washing up at least three times I've said from now on - if she uses a glass 🥃 In this time, she has to keep it aside and then wash it herself once I've finished washing up.

She's kicked off saying I'm being unfair. DH agreed a with her.

Mumsnet jury?

Can't see the issue. You're washing up, someone uses a glass, I'd say stick it on the side and I'd wash it. No big deal. Unless it's a burnt scrambled egg pan in which case she can do it herself!

TheOtherSock I'm kind of guessing that it maybe feels a bit presumptuous to you, like you're doing a chore and she's gratuitously adding to it and dumping it back in the sink like you're staff or something

We had a cook-housekeeper growing up (abroad) but we still had to wash up our own plates/cups/cutlery after eating. I would never add to the washing up someone is in the process of doing without asking, especially someone more senior, to do so is disrespectful.

Is it only a problem when she does it?
What if it was your husband or your child?

I think you're behaviour would make her feel like perhaps you don't like her - wicked step mother springs to mind - treat her like your own child is never do this to my kids whatever age they were - it's a glass ffs

If she's using 3 glasses in one washing up session, yanbu to leave her one glass on the side and make it the last thing washed in case she wants another one, regardless of how dirty the water might be by then. Rinsing it after with hot water will be sufficient if dish soap has been used initially.

I kind of feel like you want all empty/dirty crockery washed and not left lying round though (and I apologise if that's not the case) which does make it hard if people want a drink while the dishes are being done.

But I'd go with the suggestions of getting her to take her turn with the dishes, your dh too.

She's a child. You're an adult. So act like an adult and stop being so spiteful and petty.

Are you honestly surprised that your husband has taken his child's side when you are being so mean and unreasonable?

How do you feel about people when they are deliberately unkind to your own children? Well, that's how your husband feels about you right now.

Grow up!

Petty. If you are washing up anyway it takes 2 ticks, you'd be really immature to make her put it on the side to wash later.

By all means get her doing some chores, washing up etc, but what you're talking about sounds silly.

I'd echo insancerre's question. How would you feel if it was your own child doing it? How would you react?

I'm imagining my 11yo doing this in the same scenario and while I might roll my eyes a bit and make a humorous comment to him, I certainly wouldn't expect him to leave it aside and wash it up at a separate time when washing up is actually already in progress at the time

It sounds as if you want to make a point, tbh.

Another one who doesn't see the problem. Why would you want a milky glass standing around to fester waiting for more dirty washing when it takes a few seconds to wash and you are doing it right now? Both DH and I do this to each other, and whoever is washing up will sigh dramatically but carry on. The alternative is dirty cup hanging around or no one allowed a drink except for at set times...

We had a cook-housekeeper growing up (abroad) but we still had to wash up our own plates/cups/cutlery after eating. I would never add to the washing up someone is in the process of doing without asking, especially someone more senior, to do so is disrespectful.

I don't really get this, what difference does it make when she uses the glass? If she'd used an extra glass before you started the washing up, hence giving you an extra to wash up would that be OK? Or does she always have to do her own washing up separately?

I agree with others that at 13 she should be helping around the house a little - but these should be specific chores that she knows about in advance. I think washing up an individual glass when you're already there doing the washing up is just petty.

You'd finish your washing up, empty sink etc. while a dirty glass sits there and then expect her to refill the sink just for that? Petty and wasteful.
Agree with others that a washing up rota that suits everyone should be drawn up, with your DSD taking a turn here and there. And your DH.

Yabu and incredibly petty.

Nothing wrong with getting her to help round the house a little or getting her to dry while you wash, but refusing to wash her glass seems mean.

Why don't you just get everyone to wash up the odd glass after themselves? That's what we do, bit of hot water and soap on a sponge, wash, rinse, drain. No need for there to be a bowl of washing up until after dinner. She should be washing up after herself at 13

Yabu and petty

But yanbu to want her to help out more, you're just focusing on a tiny thing that seems petty and ridiculous to her and DH.

Yes YABU. She's doing the obvious thing, putting the glass in the water rather than leaving it on a side somewhere. I'd do the same with dh for example. Don't you like her?

YABU.

SalmonFajitas You seem to have missed the bit where I wrote, 'without asking'. A quick, 'Is it okay?' Or 'Do you mind?' makes all the difference. I would never do this to my mother, never. But where I come from we have very different ideas about respect and chores. So a young, healthy person doesn't sit about relaxing while a much older person does the chores.

Really petty. You're washing up anyway what difference does one glass make. It would be different if you'd finished, emptied the sink and she dumps a load of stuff on the side.

I can see an argument for suggesting to dh that she has some chores every now & then (like doing the washing up). Maybe ask her what she would like to she might want to cook for you. I think yabu on this issue.

I think the SD has got 3 separate glasses of milks that she put in the OP's washing up, probably to wind up OP. In that case OP YANBU.

Is she messing up your washing up system?