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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To tell DSd that she has to wash her own dishes??

71 replies

TBoz · 11/02/2017 21:40

Basically whenever I am washing up DSD will come along, take a clean glass, pour herself a glass of milk and then put the used glass back in the wAter for me then wash. She's 13 btw.

After her taking a clean glass, using it and then putting it back in water for me to wash whilst I'm washing up at least three times I've said from now on - if she uses a glass 🥃 In this time, she has to keep it aside and then wash it herself once I've finished washing up.

She's kicked off saying I'm being unfair. DH agreed a with her.

Mumsnet jury?

OP posts:

pissedglitter · 11/02/2017 21:59

You are coming across very petty

greenworm · 11/02/2017 22:00

You sound like a Disney evil stepmum

Oh come on, it's hardly that bad!

paddypants13 · 11/02/2017 22:00

Yabu. If you are washing up anyway I can't see the issue...

greenworm · 11/02/2017 22:04

You sound like a Disney evil stepmum

Actually this really pisses me off. For a start, how many Disney evil stepmums have you ever seen doing the washing up for their families? If anything the OP is the Cinderella figure here, washing up or everyone else, especially as her DH backed up his daughter's right not to have to do it!

Now I'm not saying OP's in the right here, but this kind of hyperbole about stepmums is so annoying.

greenworm · 11/02/2017 22:05

*for everyone else

angelikacpickles · 11/02/2017 22:08

YABU. I don't get why this is an issue. At all.

SuperFlyHigh · 11/02/2017 22:09

Petty and unfair and just ask her to do household chores from time to time.

PickAChew · 11/02/2017 22:10

I think that's petty.

Much more useful (and less arsey) to ask her to take a turn with doing a sink full of dishes when she stays.

TyneTeas · 11/02/2017 22:11

If 3 totally separate occasions YABU

If 3 times during one lot of washing up YANBU

BuckingFrolicks2 · 11/02/2017 22:12

I think she's deliberately winding you up. I agree she needs to have chores (does she?) but this is separate from the issue of what I see as her manipulating you so that you react and then, lo and behold, it's you who is in the wrong.

NotInMyBackYard1 · 11/02/2017 22:21

YABU - I do the washing up for 3 children under 8, they do not care how many spoons, plates, cup they use - nor do I. It takes seconds to wash.

5foot5 · 11/02/2017 22:21

Actually I am a bit funny about washing up and I really hate it if someone puts something directly in to the washing up bowl while I am doing the washing up. Put it on the side with the other pots, that's fine. But straight in to the bowl? No. Grrrr! So I can sort of understand and for me that would be the same whoever it was. My own DD, DH or anyone else.

mugginsalert · 11/02/2017 22:25

What do you do when anyone else uses something during a time when you are washing up? Seems a bit awkward to make everyone keep things back for a separate wash, but would definitely be unreasonable to only make your DSD quarantine her stuff.

YABU to make her keep back a single glass. She should take a turn with a full wash up though.

omnishamblesssssssssssssss · 11/02/2017 22:25

She should be washing up or drying up for tea or breakfast daily anyway

Fitzsimmons · 11/02/2017 22:29

If you are already doing the washing up then you are being incredibly petty and mean. She should have chores, certainly, but what you have written makes you sound quite horrid.

melj1213 · 11/02/2017 23:21

So if your DSD uses a glass 2 minutes before you do the washing up, you'll wash it with all the other pots but if she does it during the washing up you expect her to wait till you're done then wash it up herself?! How much time and/or effort does it take to wash a glass when you are already doing the washing up? Practically none, it takes me 30 seconds at most to wash & rinse a glass that's only had milk or juice in.

That sounds like seriously petty behaviour OP!

The only way I could find it even mildly unreasonable behaviour is if she purposely took a glass you'd just washed, used it and then waited until you'd finished washing up, drained the water, rinsed out the bowl/sink etc to place her dirty glass in the bowl to await the next round of washing up.

SpongebobRoundPants · 12/02/2017 08:53

Apparently I need to add 'lighthearted' to my comment

Purplebluebird · 12/02/2017 09:05

Yabu, completely. My mil's ex once poured all the coffee leftovers (the powdery stuff, not the drinking stuff) into the sink when I was doing the dishes. Pissed me off. If she did that I'd say yanbu, but just a glass? Meh.

Ethylred · 12/02/2017 09:10

I really don't get this. Surely DSD is being considerate in her choice of timing?

Chloe84 · 12/02/2017 09:21

Need more to go on. Does she have chores? Does she do them? As theclick asked, does she deliberately time getting a drink for when you are washing up?

If she has chores like washing up after dinner, and does them, I wouldn't worry too much about the odd glass.

But if she doesn't do anything around the house, then her putting the glass in the sink while you're washing up is very disrespectful.

Do you have kids? She should have the same rules as them.

Allthewaves · 12/02/2017 09:26

Your washing up, she's giving you the dirty glass to wash - don't see issue tbh. Could u ask her to help with drying and dp puts away

kitkatchunkymonkey · 12/02/2017 09:33

YABU and very petty. You are already washing up.

If she had put the glass there just before you started to wash up you wouldn't have a problem? So what difference does it make to add it during the washing up?

Sounds like you are looking for reasons to give her a hard time. If you are like this with other things you are going to cause a lot of resentment and make her not want to see you and her father.

There is no reason why she can't pitch in with chores in general, but to refuse to wash an item she has used when you are already washing up is extremely pathetic and mean.

ShowMePotatoSalad · 12/02/2017 09:35

YABU. If you're washing up anyway just wash her glass.

At 13 there are plenty of ways she can help round the house but don't be petty about it. Give her some tasks so she can help and not things that ostracise her.

Do you so DH's washing up too? So it's just her you're picking on?

BertrandRussell · 12/02/2017 09:41

If you cooked and cleared you shouldn't be doing the washing up at all- she and your dp should be taking turns.

happypoobum · 12/02/2017 09:43

I don't understand what the issue is really.

Does she do the same thing if DH is washing up?

Would you feel the same if DH drank a glass of milk and put the glass in the water - would you tell him he had to do his own washing up?

Is this actually a completely different problem, like you do ALL the housework while DH farts around and he and DSD do nothing?

On the face of what you have written, YABU.

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