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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Should dp take day off if I'm sick?

40 replies

Winniethepooer · 11/02/2017 09:49

I'm really sick. This is very rare for me. Last time i was ill was Christmas 2015.

We have 4dc. 2 middle dc are ASD/ADHD. Youngest dc is 3. So a handful.

I'm almost in tears waiting for all the pain killers to kick in so i can sort dc.

No one to help. No family or friends so im here til about 8pm regardless.

The boys do not watch films, do duvet days anything calm like that!

AIBU to expect dp to take a day off if I'm too ill to care for our dc?
Or do i need to belt up & get in with it?

OP posts:
BobbieDog · 11/02/2017 09:52

Normally i would say no if there is no children under school age.

However in the situation you have described he should without a doubt take the day off

Blinkyblink · 11/02/2017 09:55

A day's holiday?
Or a sick day?

Original poster
Winniethepooer · 11/02/2017 09:55

School age doesn't apply in a SN household.

Ds is 6 & only attends school 2 hours a day! My 3 year old spends more time at nursery then her db!

OP posts:
Blinkyblink · 11/02/2017 09:56

My husband would have taken it as a holiday.

PaperdollCartoon · 11/02/2017 09:57

In this specific situation I would say yes, he should take the day off.
Is there anyone else who can help you?

Original poster
Winniethepooer · 11/02/2017 09:58

He works in transport so allocated holidays but he could have taken a day off.
He just doesn't care enough to.

OP posts:
Original poster
Winniethepooer · 11/02/2017 10:00

No one to help. No family that would be able to manage the boys.

We pay a Carer to help but shes already booked this weekend.

OP posts:
LoveMyLittleSuperhero · 11/02/2017 10:01

In your situation he should have taken a days dependants leave (presuming you are in the UK), if you aren't well enough to care for them then he needs to be at home, especially in an SN household.

Flowers hope you are feeling better soon

Original poster
Winniethepooer · 11/02/2017 10:01

At this moment in time i hate Dp more then i ever have in all the years I've known him!

OP posts:
AliceInHinterland · 11/02/2017 10:02

It would be kind to take a day off if there were no significant issues at work. I would do it in a heartbeat. He needs to understand that next time he's sick he will be considered to be in a position to look after the kids and you're off to get your nails done. He also needs to understand how much benefit he gets from you (presumably) covering all the kids sick days - if you worked he would have to take loads of time off. He is being ignorant.

Original poster
Winniethepooer · 11/02/2017 10:04

Nurofen /paracetamol /gaviscon will start to work soon.

I swear I'm plotting my revenge...

Yes we're in the UK.

OP posts:
AliceInHinterland · 11/02/2017 10:04

Have you actually told him that you need him to? Flowers for you OP, that's so tough. Let things go to rack and ruin, feed the kids junk, watch TV. He can sort it out when he gets home.

Lukeandlorelai4Ever · 11/02/2017 10:04

I think he should take the day off and bring them out for a run around and let you get some rest. Any chance he could work a half day?

Original poster
Winniethepooer · 11/02/2017 10:05

I do work!
I work late shifts so he never takes time off for me.

OP posts:
dudsville · 11/02/2017 10:06

I think this would fall under carers leave. Ams yes he should.

DonkeysDontRideBicycles · 11/02/2017 10:06

Assuming you made it very plain to him how you were feeling, it must feel like a kick in the teeth. Hope you get well soon.

Original poster
Winniethepooer · 11/02/2017 10:07

He will finish at 1pm so only few hours left.
The mess will be left.

No one can take both boys out by themselves.

OP posts:
Original poster
Winniethepooer · 11/02/2017 10:09

Yes a kick in the teeth yet again.
Its not the first time. It won't be the last.

OP posts:
AliceInHinterland · 11/02/2017 10:11

I only assumed you don't work because that sounds like enough to keep anyone busy (4 DC let alone SN). You must be very stretched at the best of times. Sounds like he needs a bit of a conversation about pulling together as a family. It is hard to imagine how awful you feel when you're ill, you forget quite quickly but he needs to drag up some empathy and remember days when he's not been able to get out of bed.

Crumbs1 · 11/02/2017 10:16

Parental leave. Any reasonable boss would tell them to stay at home but not count it as sick or holiday - assuming it wasn't a frequent occurrence. My team know they can be honest and say baby is throwing up, toddler has a high temperature but I have meetings planned and that as a reasonable manager I will sort the meetings out for them whilst they focus on family.
My team always go the extra mile knowing this is the case.

Mehfruittea · 11/02/2017 10:18

Yes he should take day off, usually it would be call emergency leave or along those lines, to care for a dependent. In this case, your kids are his dependants and his has no one else capable of looking after them as you are too sick. It's perfectly reasonable although probably is unpaid leave. If money is a real issue, most employers would consider a request to take it as annual leave but they don't have to.

Hope you feel better soon

Original poster
Winniethepooer · 11/02/2017 10:21

Do you know what really hurts?

He couldn't give a sh*t!

I warned him before about this.

OP posts:
MangosteenSoda · 11/02/2017 10:28

Is it your H who uses your kids SNs as a reason to be permanently on early shift, even though it doesn't suit your family timetable? Then spends the rest of his time lounging in bed? Something about your posts rang bells.

He should have taken the day off. He needs to step up for his kids.

Hope you feel better soon Cake

Original poster
Winniethepooer · 11/02/2017 10:31

No!

Dp works earlys so i work lates.
No childcare available so was the only solution.

OP posts:
Benedikte2 · 11/02/2017 10:31

Sounds like you're a single parent even though married. Would you be any worse off if you told the bastard to leave?
Hope you feel better soon. You're a great mum carrying a huge load most of us couldn't manage.