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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

How long did it take for your LOs to settle into nursery?

37 replies

MadJeffBarn · 10/02/2017 12:58

My son, 2, started nursery beginning of January. He goes two afternoons a week, but he doesn't seem to be settling at all. It's not for work purposes but rather socialising as we don't really have any friends with kids his age, and every drop off and pick up is rather dramatic. The staff assure me he settles but it seems he needs alot of 1-1 time. It's been 6 weeks now, wibu to pull him out til he's a bit older or persevere with it?

OP posts:

Morphene · 10/02/2017 13:00

DD never settled, we had to pull her out in the end. Mostly because we discovered the staff were lying about how she was when we weren't there.

You could always give it a break and try again in a few months?

Morphene · 10/02/2017 20:48

bumping for any other opinions...I know mine will be a minority...

Ragwort · 10/02/2017 20:54

Less than 5 minutes - probably not want you want to hear - but I think my DS preferred being at nursery to being at home - so you are obviously a lovely mum! He also had one half day a week with a child minder - and cried when I picked him up .

TeaBelle · 10/02/2017 20:56

Dd never wobbled tbh, I was sent home within 15 minutes of her first settling session .

witsender · 10/02/2017 20:57

Never!

DJBaggySmalls · 10/02/2017 20:57

3 weeks. 3 long, hellish weeks.
Then the nursery staff filmed him for me and in reality he stressed until I was out of sight then turned around to get stuck into playing

grounddown · 10/02/2017 20:58

2 is young, do you have a local childminder you could use? I only say that as my DD didn't settle at all at nursery and I found a childminder who she loved (possibly more than me) and she would cry to stay there when I picked her up!
On the other hand, my DS craved children's attention and being busy and I put him in to a day nursery at 2 where he has thrived. Not all kids are the same/have the same social needs.

NerrSnerr · 10/02/2017 20:58

Mine started at 13 Months and it took about a week. If he's really struggling would a toddler group on another day help to help him socialise?

TK1930 · 10/02/2017 20:58

Same experience as Morphene
Withdrew after 7 weeks. Wish we'd done it sooner.

is he upset when you leave him?
What do you mean about 'dramatic'?

All I would say is listen to your instincts and your child.

LuluJakey1 · 10/02/2017 20:58

About half an hour. He relished it. I felt quite abandoned and not needed.

hookiewookie29 · 10/02/2017 21:00

Two afternoons a week may not be enough. The time from the end of his second session, to the beginning of his next session, may be too long so he's not getting enough time there to actually settle.
Some children settle well, some take longer.Some don't settle at all-they may not like the nursery environment;it may be too loud/busy etc and prefer a nursery. Could you add another session per week to see if that helps?

hookiewookie29 · 10/02/2017 21:00

*prefer a childminder

Writerwannabe83 · 10/02/2017 21:02

My DS went to a childminder when I went back to work when he was 9 months old and settled in fine. However, there were only 3 other children there and he was used to being around little ones as we'd been going to baby groups by a long time then.

When he was about 18 months old we started going to toddler groups and he really didn't like it, I think being around so many other children (probably over 40 other toddlers) and there being so much noise just really unnerved him and for a good few weeks he wouldn't leave my side. I really wanted him to get used to being in that environment though as it was my intention that when he turned two I would take him out of the Childminder's care and put him into Nursery.

When he was 2yr 3m I put him in nursery and although I was worried about how he'd cope he absolutely loved it but by this point being amongst large crowds of children just didn't bother him. We started off doing settling in sessions, I.e a few hours here and there without me until we finally built up to his full 10 hour day.

I suppose there are two ways of looking at your situation, you either take him out or you accept it may be difficult for him whenever he starts going to nursery and so that now you've started it you may as well continue. Only you know what is best for your child and I imagine that if my child was reacting to nursery in the way that yours is then I would probably be upset by it.

If you want him to learn how to socialise with other children and get him used to being in those sort of environments then pulling him out defeats the purpose I guess. He's only been going 5ish weeks so maybe give it more time? Or maybe he needs his sessions to be longer so he can settle in more and get used to being there?

Or maybe you could try a different nursery but accept that you may have the exact same difficulties there.

Or maybe you could try a childminder so it's much more home from home and there's less children for him to adapt to, it might be an easier environment for him to be in initially?

Solasum · 10/02/2017 21:04

I think it would be very difficult for him to settle with such little time. Our nursery does minimum 2 full days/4 half days partially for this reason

BettyOBarley · 10/02/2017 21:07

My DD started nursery in January (age 3) and is struggling to settle. She went off on her first week absolutely fine but the second and third week were really awful. We moved her to a smaller pre-school and while she's still not great and doesn't want to go she settles quickly and comes home full of beans...until the next time. She's also clingy with the staff but is slowly settling down.

I agree that two sessions might not be enough, my DD only does 2 days and I think it is too long until the next week. She actually asked to drive past today and asked if she could go in, which I took as a good sign for next week!

RosyGold · 10/02/2017 21:07

Following with interest...my wee girl is 14 months and we want to get her into nursery possibly when she is about 2...we don't know anyone else with young children and it's mainly her and me all day every day - so we'd like to socialise her, poor wee thing! But I'm so anxious about leaving her somewhere strange with people and children she doesn't know!! 💔😭

Hellmouth · 10/02/2017 21:10

My 7 month old is at nursery and seems to have settled in very well, but maybe he's too young to realise what's going on :D

Would love to have gone with a childminder, but couldn't find anyone who would do 7:30 to 18:30 (don't blame them really!)

BikeRunSki · 10/02/2017 21:10

DS - 1 day
DD - about 6 weeks

But they both went for theee days a week from the start. I too suspect that half a day twice a week is not long enough for him to form any real attachments and familiarity.

AgedRelative · 10/02/2017 21:19

DD took about 30 seconds. DS went 1 full and 2 half days a week from 2.5 and he never really settled the same way. He didn't hate it. But DD just bloody loved it. Sometimes in the car on the way there I would see him deep taking a deep breath to steel himself. I tried a child minder but he utterly hated that. He just wanted to be at home with me but unfortunately I had to work. He's 6 now and at school and is very happy to go in.

I also think that two half days is maybe too little.

Elllicam · 10/02/2017 21:22

My DS1 was in his first nursery for almost a year and never settled. We decided to swap him to a smaller nursery and he settled in days.

welshweasel · 10/02/2017 21:23

DS went full time at 4 months so settled immediately and has never been upset being left there, now 13 months. Probs unhelpful, sorry!

Parker231 · 10/02/2017 21:24

No problems - went ft from six months. It was a lovely nursery and couldn't fault their care of the DT's. very low staff turnover was a major factor in choosing the nursery and DT's stayed until they started school and then went back for holiday club.

BumWad · 10/02/2017 21:30

DS started when he was 14 months, took him around 6-8 weeks to properly settle. He did 2 full days but I did half days to start.

He's 20 months now and loves it!

Tantrictantrum · 10/02/2017 21:40

My ds is 2 and has been going 2 days a week since October. Only the past week as he started to enjoy going. He still cries a little going in but settles quickly. We've had Christmas holidays and illness as well and I think these didn't help. Im in the same situation as you, sending him for socialising not for care

fabulous01 · 10/02/2017 21:46

Mine went at 9 months. One took a day. The other longer.
2 is old though in nursery terms as they are clingy and development stage, I have also saw those in short days who take longer
The thing is that sometimes they do cry at drop off. Mine have done that but settle when I am at door. Nursery shouldn't lie so if they say child settles they do.
It is us parents who take much much longer

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