Percentile dropping - am I a terrible mother?

[Caenea]

This might get quite long...

My baby had her three month HV visit on Wednesday - and between the six week check and now she's dropped from the 75th centile right down to the 25th.

HV has said it's probably because she's been sleeping hilariously well the last few weeks - once we got past a blip when she first went into her cot, she's basically slept 9.00pm - 6am without waking up to feed.

Plus she only feeds every three hours in the day. They've said I need to stop letting her sleep and wake her up at night every four hours max to feed her and try and feed her more often in the day.

She's EBF and I can't force her to feed! If I offer her the breast when she isn't hungry she just screams and pushes me back - am I meant to force it into her mouth while she fights and howls?? Plus if I can make her take it she invariably just possets it right back up.

I've been obsessing since Wednesday now - is there something horribly wrong with her? Should I have noticed? Even the HV said she seems a happy, thriving baby - lovely colour, alert, smiling, kicking etc.

I don't think she's losst weight - she's just not putting enough on. My OH says he doesn't think I should worry but this cannot be normal. Am I awful for not knowing she shouldn't sleep? AIBU to not try and forcefeed her? Surely if she was hungry at night I'd bloody know it? Could she be dreadfully ill without me knowing??

Tiktok I know you're a BF guru so genuinely interested to know, do you think a week is long enough? And would they be a looking for a gain or a significantly increased gain?

My dd was born on the 25th percentile and dropped to the 2nd at around 8 weeks. I was beside myself with worry. I had ebf her, she hadn't lost any weight, she just wasn't gaining any. It took me and my DH another month to get her onto formula as she just wouldn't take a bottle.

In our case, it was the best thing for all of us. I could see my dd gaining weight, I was happier and I think this made her happier.

Just wanted to say sometimes bf doesn't work out for whatever reason, it's no-one's fault - I think in my case I was exhausted and overwhelmed with a new baby and no family help.

My dd is now 4, she is back to the 25th percentile where she has stayed for quite some time. I kept getting told by the hvs when she was on the 2nd that she was most probably just finding her line, my instinct was that she wasn't that little.

Go with your instincts and sending you a hug as I can remember the worry I went through.

Same thing happened with my DD - born on the 75% centile, still there at 6 weeks but at 12 week check she was down to the 25%. She was also EBF and started sleeping through at 7 weeks.

They got me to bring her back everything two weeks to be weighed and once it was clear she was tracking the 25% they decided she was fine - it was just her finding her line I think. She's stayed on 25th for weight since and she's now 2.5. She's just not that big a person, only 9th centile for height. Her birth weight was a bit of an anomaly it would appear probably due to me having 5 weeks mat leave before she was born and eating lots of chocolate

Teaandbiscuits - can't really say. A week seems reasonable to me - or maybe two weeks. It's long enough for increased breastmilk 'regime' to show on the scales, and to assess if this baby is still ok. The risk with leaving it a month if there is a concern is that a baby of three months could continue the drift downwards and become poorly.

The chances are OP's baby is fine and is just finding a normal (for her) level. But it's sensible to keep an eye on it :)

DD got referred for "failure to thrive" (or "is your mum neglecting you?" as I felt at the time) she went from 75th to below the 9th. Paediatrician was happy after a few visits if she could just maintain the 25th percentile. He basically decided it's just her and she will hopefully grow out of it.
She hasn't, she's 4 now and very slight with a small appetite. It is just her.
So, if you do get referred try not to worry, it wasn't half as bad as I feared.

My DDs were born 98th and 75th centile and dropped to around 25th for a while untill about 18 months old when they slowly went up to 50th. They were poor feeders due to undiagnosed tongue tongue ties. Have you ruled that out? Health visitors and GPs can be bad at picking up on things like that.

I introduced a dream feed before I went to bed to top them up. I just picked them up, cuddled them and fed them gently without waking them and then put them back down still asleep. It doesn't work for everyone but they took a good relaxed feed whilst still asleep and I felt happier as I knew that they were getting a little bit extra. Personally I wouldn't wake a sleeping baby unless I absolutely had to!

A drop can be cause for concern so needs to be kept an eye on but don't feel like a bad mother, trust your instincts. If your baby is otherwise happy and healthy then I'm sure her weight will level out again

My siblings and I were all skinny little things, we all failed to gain weight according to the 'normal' growth chart. Mum was told to switch to formula for my sister and me, but it made no difference whatsoever so she stuck with BF my brother and he grew the same as my sister and me.

We're all slim, healthy adults now.

Hv who spend less than a minute discussing lo and go off on one from a single reading without discussing matter SHOULD be ignored.

All mine dropped percentiles. I ate quite well when pregnant and they were born a good size. Post birth they all found a lower percentile that was more natural to them. Years later they are still on the same lower percentiles. Healthy, bright, sparky, nimble, quick, coordinated kids. Don't believe all the hype, a bigger baby is not a healthier baby.

I breast fed all mine for a year and a half. So didn't change to formula.

Thank you all ladies!

This is the thing, she's a lovely healthy girl, logically I know that.

Emotionally however I feel bloody terrible. She does have tongue-tie, they told me that at the hospital when she was born but I didn't think it was causing an issue - it's really the evenings when she properly fights the breast. Do you think it might be undiagnosed reflux or colic? Unless the tongue tie is more serious than anyone thought and it's affecting her negatively that way. She sucks really hard when she is on the breast and often breaks off, seemingly needing to catch her breath.

I honestly thought nothing of any of this before but now I know she's dropped the percentiles I think I'm dramatising everything. If it is the tongue tie is three months too old to get it corrected on the NHS? There's no way we could afford to pay private costs

My DD2 was born on the 75th. Dropped to the 50th over the first six weeks then started fussing when feeding at around half of the feeds. She was only gaining small amounts (3-4oz a week), and was slipping centile lines. Because she was gaining we didn't get a referral to paediatrics but we were monitored by HV. Eventually I became so stressed I demanded a referral for the local infant feeding coordinators. Things took a bad turn and she ended up loosing 4oz over three days (between being weighed at clinic and then by feeding coordinators). We were immediately referred to paediatrics for faltering growth. Developmentally she is fine. A happy thing that sleeps very well. She also has a severe case of CMPA, reflux and a posterior tongue tie. She's now nearly a year and despite being dairy free, being medicated for her reflux and being under the care of Dietician's and paediatrics, and supplementing her food with extra calories, some weigh ins she is still loosing but there is an overall gain and she is now around the 9th (she dropped right to 0.4 at the worst point). She has only just managed to double her birth weight at just before a year and has to be constantly monitored, we live under the threat of her being admitted to hospital to be tube fed if she happens to get even a slight cold that means we can't get enough calories into her. The more hungry DD gets, the better she sleeps because her body is trying to conserve energy. I'd consider waking her for feeds and seeing if her weight gain improves.

Ring your HV or GP and speak to them about the tongue tie. The NHS will resolve it if needed.

It's really natural to worry a little but please don't think the worst as you will needlessly drive yourself round the bend and ruin what should be a special time.

OP what size are both your families and relatives. How petite are the small relatives. How large/tall are the biggest relatives.

My family has everything from heavy six foot uncles to waif like great aunts. My husbands granny was only 5 foot and slim.

Dropping two percentiles is fine but much more than that and they start to look for reasons, round here anyway.

Look up breastfeeding groups near you and get an expert to check tongue tie. It's not too late on NHS but you may have to be persuasive, although given the weight loss it should be easier. Lots of babies aren't particularly bothered by their tongue tie, it doesn't always mean there's a problem.

Is she doing plenty of wet and dirty nappies? That's a good sign of milk intake.

Any other issues such an eczema, bad skin, weird poos?

Oh yes, she has around 1-2 poos a day, perfectly normal on the wee front too (no ammonia smells or anything), no skin issues.

His family are all slim and tall, my family is petite in height but both my parents are overweight (although that''s not natural overweight iyswim, both of them are on diets now and loosing weight fairly easily). I'm five foot on the nose as is my twin but OH is 5'10'' and a healthy weight/muscular build.

I'm keeping notes now to show the clinic but if I need the tongue tie corrected we will find away to get it done, whether NHS or finding the money somehow for private.

Please try not to worry. The HV also told me to wake baby in the night for a feed. EVERYONE (even the practice GP) said to ignore her as that's ridiculous for a happy, healthy, alert baby. Just offer a feed more during the day, if she wants it, great. If not, don't worry.

Some babies just take a while to find their line. My baby dropped 9th to 2nd, but stayed regimentedly on the 2nd. I'm quite little and OH is lean too, so that's no surprise. I think the HV just hadn't seen any slim healthy people for a while.

When you think about what the centile charts are, and how they are arrived at, it puts things into perspective. They are snapshots of an entire population at specific ages. They say nothing of what any individual babies' weights/lengths are doing. So the 75th centile at 6 weeks could theoretically contain an entire different bunch of babies to the 75th centile at 3 months. For all we know, it could be a pattern that those who are 75th centile all go on to become 25th centile at 3 months and vice versa (unlikely, but you get my gist?). The centile charts say nothing about what normal, individual babies do.

You are not a bad mother but I would suggest you make a GP appointment and in the meantime wake and offer as you have been advised.

Dd2 dropped from the 98th centile to the 25th by 12 weeks (never lost weight but never gained enough) and was seen by consultant within a week of seeing GP (GP made referral phone call there and then as it was a concern to the medical professionals) as advised by our wonderful HV. She was not a sick baby but wouldn't feed (we had been waking from newborn as she wouldn't wake herself) and had wind and occasional reflux (with slight posseting but not projectile vomiting) turned out it was allergy related - I cut the foods from my diet and then mixed fed with prescription formula (cmpa, egg, soya, fish and some fruit) under guidance of consultant and dietitian. I must disagree with the Pp's who have said don't wake your baby to offer additional feeds, they can't see your baby and whilst that maybe fine for some (wouldn't have been for dd2) there could well be an underlying issue which needs investigating - follow advice from the medical professionals who are in a position to examine your baby, she is still very young. (Oh and dd2 climbed back up to 75th and has stayed there and is 2 now and was discharged from consultant care after a year as she has outgrown most allergies and intolerances ).

There is a very common phenomenon called 'catch down growth' that describes perfectly healthy babies dropping down centiles until they find the one they were genetically predisposed to follow.
It is due to the fact that the size/ weight of baby at birth has very little to do with the baby and is nearly all down to mum's nutrition/ placenta/ size of pelvis etc. Some mums grow babies that are born big on the growth chart, but if your mum is 5 foot and dad is 5 foot 6 ( for example), then even if you're born on the 75th centile it would be very unlikely that you would grow to be a large baby/ toddler/ child.
If your baby is otherwise healthy and feeding ok, this is likely to be why she is dropping centiles.

As you are only 5ft and your dh is average height, 25th centile sounds a more likely/expected size for your DD than 75th tbh. I would lose the dummy on the daytime and attempt a dream feed and keep an eye on her weight but not be unduly concerned. I would be extremely resistant to any suggestions of formula top ups etc. Worth looking into the tt and seeking bf support though.

At a rough guess OP I recon you might be close to the bottom percentile for height. While your DH might be slightly above the 50th percentile for height. He also might be on a low percentile for weight being slim.

75th to 25th is just 2 centiles though?

So not a massive drop.

I've had both mine drop 2 centiles (both born 25th and ended up on 9th from around 3 months) with no issues.

You know your baby OP. Is she OK? Any concerns?

I had this with my first, she dropped from the 50th centile and at her worst she was nearly falling off the bottom of the charts for weight. We were sent to the hospital to see a paediatrician who concluded there was nothing wrong with her, which is what I had been telling the HV for weeks. They just said she had high calorie needs (v active baby) and to crack on with weaning her and get as many calories in as possible. She would have been 20 weeks ish.

She's still tiny for her age now (3.5 years) but has had no ongoing problems apart from still not being a huge eater even now.

HV are there to flag up any potential problems but they do tend to over worry. Before we saw the paediatricians they tried to tell me that even though she was waking to feed every two hours I should set an alarm and wake her up more! Errr, NO.

Some kids just don't follow their neat little graphs. I'm glad we saw the paediatrician as it reassured me but my instincts were right, I knew my child was ok, she was hitting her milestones early. It all worked out!