to ask any Scottish parents of teens who were deferred starting school if the benefits have been significant

[HottySnanky]

Am posting in AIBU for traffic.

DD1 has just turned 4 and we cannot decide whether to defer her starting school. She's bright and sociable and independent, so I have no worries about whether she would cope in P1 if she went in August - she'd probably get bored by the end of another year in nursery though. She's also very wilful and stubborn and enjoys pushing boundaries... I know her character is still developing, and that she's just four, and I don't want to pigeonhole her, but I'm just wondering if another year under her belt would benefit her in the long run.

If anyone who had the choice to defer their now-teen dc could share their thoughts and experiences of deferral or otherwise, it'd be much appreciated.

Thanks!

Apologies for poor typing. Hope it makes sense

Have to say transition to secondary was no issue for my son - he actually seemed to prefer secondary to primary. The spread of teachers suits him better I think. Summer born very shy dd found it much harder!

Reading with interest as I'm due #2 on 27/2 so she will either be the youngest or oldest in her class.

I'm a January birthday and wasn't deferred. Academically I've never had any problems and have never felt I'd have benefited from being in the lower year. I was quite small but not unusually so compared to others in my year who were older. I was 17 when I went to uni which 'technically' meant I couldn't drink...but was never a problem. From what I gather talking to friends in same situation, girls tend to be more ready than boys to start school at 4.5 and nurseries often recommend that the boys defer.

This isn't really a fair comparison though. Children who are teenagers now would have been deferred for recommended reasons - they had to be behind a bit and professionally recommended. It wasn't just parent choice then. It is only over the last few years that deferring has been the preferred option for parents who simply want the advantage of them being older than their peers. It is a different cohort.

Deferred teens will have a smaller gap with their peers (the point behind deferring originally). The kids being deferred now are widening the gap - you have classes with middle class children with every advantage in classes with kids 14/15 months younger whose parents couldn't afford another nursery year/ have poor English/ just don't know the system as well.

At an individual level, I think it should depend a bit on what is normal for the school she is going to - bear in mind as well that people are very, very defensive about whichever decision they have made.

While we didn't defer our DS3 we lived in England. Therefore he started three weeks after his fourth birthday. He absolutely loved it. Although I do feel school in England is more of a gentle transition he struggled when he started in Scotland a year later (and thus 'repeated' the first year). It's much more work structured but he was fine eventually. My only regret is that DS1 was ahead of his peers so when he started in Scotland he was put in the year above where he should have been. Therefore he started Uni just after his 17th birthday and, with hindsight, that's where we should have held him back, he really struggled with that, was too young to socialise and it was awful. He's 19 now and fine. Kids are very resilient.

Not in Scotland but so wish we were. I would always, always defer if possible as aN extra year of play based learning can only be an advantage.

It's going to be impossible for people to say whether it would have been different had they made a different choice.

But fwiw my dd is the oldest in her class. She is very tall and socially mature as well as academically bright. I wondered whether she would be "held back" by being the oldest and brightest. But I am so so glad she has had that extra year to mature and to play, that she will be 12 not 11 when she is thrown into the secondary environment and 19 not 18 when uni starts for her.

My daughter hates being the youngest in her year but I've told her she'll like it when she's older. My friends and I have a big birthday this year 😭 and my friend who has a January birthday is lording it up that we'll all be 40 and she'll still be in her 30's. Bitch 😝

I have a friend from school who is a feb birthday she chuckles she is you ger than us , Dd is an adult now it doesn't matter anymore.

We didn't defer eldest 2 DC, and without hesitation we would now, if we could turn the clock back. And that's despite very good academic performance (including one going to Oxford).

Our youngest WAS deferred, started p1 at almost 6 (October birthday), and a very big part of our decision was our experience of the stresses of the exam years and university interviews etc on kids who, actually, would have benefited hugely from a further year to mature.
I think it's pertinent to add, that extra year is important because so many of the young adults interviewing with our older DC (both still 16 when interviews started, 17 at start of uni after completing 6th year), were 18/19 or even 20 already (gap years possibly a lot more popular in England and Europe?), and there's a world of difference in maturing at that age, between a just turned 17 year old and someone a year or two older.

DS moved back a year in teens due to move from England. He really thrived. Organised the rugby practice and things he wouldn't have done if he was less confident and younger. This set him up for taking on stuff at uni imv.

Ireland might be another useful comparison OP, as it's always been a purely parental decision whether to start a child at 4 or 5. It used to be more common to start at 4, but these days most kids are 5 when starting or turn 5 before xmas. The age range in a class typically spans over a year, but it's not generally regarded as a problem because they're all in a similar place in terms of their academic and social maturity (i.e., a mature and confident child might start age 4, whereas it might take most children til age 5 to reach that same level).

I started age 5 in the early 80s. For me personally, the advantages were all social/emotional. I was physically bigger than if I'd started at 4 - in the tallest half of the class rather than the smallest - which made it easier to stand up to the class bullies who targeted me for being smart and nerdy. I was that bit more mature when starting secondary school, and better able to cope with the change of going from a small primary to a huge secondary without feeling overwhelmed. It also meant I was 18 starting university, and more confident about living away from home and making my own way.

It's all anecdotal, but parents usually know when their children are ready. If they're not sure, then I think it's better to wait. Starting too late risks leading to boredom (although it shouldn't if the teachers are any good at differentiating work), but starting too early risks shattering a child's confidence (because no amount of support can make children reach developmental milestones any faster).

Letssplash when DD1 was deferred 13 years ago it was nothing to do with her being behind because she wasn't it was simply that her nursery actively encouraged all children eligible to have the extra year - in her nursery class there were 6 children eligible and 6 children were deferred.

Letssplash, I am 45 and my mother had the option to defer me. It has always been the case for as long as I can remember that a child can be deferred depending on date of birth, nothing to to with lagging behind. My friends and family all have teenagers and all had the option to defer so not really something new.

My 12 year old (S1) is a January baby so could have deferred if we pushed for it, we didn't as she seemed ready for school. Academically she has always been at the top of her classes, reading age several years older then her actual age, and is in the top sets in S1. She would have been bored by another year in nursery. Yes, she will leave school at 17 but lots of Scottish kids do start uni at 17, so not an issue really. As a parent you probably know if your child is able and mature enough to cope or not so go with your gut.

This isn't really a fair comparison though. Children who are teenagers now would have been deferred for recommended reasons - they had to be behind a bit and professionally recommended.

That's not true - I spent the last term enrolling S3s throughout my LEA for Duke of Edinburgh Bronze and over 90% had 2002 birthdates. The small number born in 2003 was only slightly higher than those born in 2001. So, it looks like the majority of parents have been deferring for quite some time. Deferral really only became desirable with the establishment of universal nursery education about 16 years ago. Having the school entry year the same as the calendar year, although not official, has become the new normal.

Mine aren't teenagers yet though the eldest will be this year. I deferred both my DC, both with November birthdays.

Neither had additional needs, I just though they were too young to start when it came time to apply.

I haven't regretted it at all. My eldest is 12 and is in P7 instead of S1. I honestly can't imagine him enjoying high school just yet. The extra year is having a noticeable difference in his maturity, resilience and readiness.

No one I've spoken to has ever said they'd wish they hadn't deferred and I haven't heard any deferred children regretting it either.

I didn't defer DS and he really struggled emotionally at primary, he was just too young, he wasn't outgoing or sociable and suffered. I wish I had deferred him for that reason only.
He is now in secondary and has really flourished from the minute he started there. He is doing really well academically and has matured a lot.

Cecily do you mean current S3's?

It's just that current S3's should have a 2002 birth date including any deferred Jan/Feb birthdays - the 2003 birth dates are the Jan/Feb birthdays who haven't been deferred and any 2001 birth dates are the same as DD2 and at that time getting a March-December birthday deferred was not an easy task and required various meetings and agreements from all professionals involved.

My DNephew (Jan birthday) was deferred. It has been amazing for him. He's in the last year of secondary and is absolutely soaring.

In early years they are more likely to be mocked or even bullied - or at least have to put up with being repeatedly asked why they were deferred.

However, in later education it brings big advantages. The first one in your year to get a driving licence, the first to be able to buy alcohol - the child is suddenly in demand.

In early years they are more likely to be mocked or even bullied - or at least have to put up with being repeatedly asked why they were deferred

Evidence for this please?

IME, most of my daughters' peers really don't know or care when their classmates' birthdays are.

^Cecily do you mean current S3's?

It's just that current S3's should have a 2002 birth date including any deferred Jan/Feb birthdays - the 2003 birth dates are the Jan/Feb birthdays who haven't been deferred and any 2001 birth dates are the same as DD2 and at that time getting a March-December birthday deferred was not an easy task and required various meetings and agreements from all professionals involved.^

That's what I do mean - there simply weren't many undeferred Jan/Feb 2003 birth dates. There were many deferred Jan/Feb 2002 birth dates and a few deferred Nov/Dec 2001 birth dates. You do not need permission to defer if your child is not 5 by the start of the August autumn term - were your meetings more to do with gaining an extra year of nursery education?

Yeah the meetings were basically to prove that she wasn't ready for school so that we could have the extra years funding for nursery or she would have to have taken a year out between nursery and school which obviously wouldn't have been beneficial to her.

RTT with interest - we are in England and dd1 is an August birthday and so had to start school at 4 years and one week. It just never worked for her - didn't help that she has very minor SEN and co-ordination issues. She is now at secondary and we recently took the decision to move her down a year (so she is now the oldest girl in the year by 10 days...). Best decision we ever made - encouraged to do so by a practical HT who had been in a similar situation with one her own DC and so knew what the benefits could be.

Conversely her younger sister (January birthday) was really far ahead of her peers and spent most of her nursery and reception years being treated like an additional teaching assistant - thus acquiring a taste for bossing everyone around which she has sadly never lost......

So I guess it depends on the child.

Deferred my early Jan born dc who is now in p4. It's never been remarked on by other children,as suggested by barinatxe, nor am I aware of this being an issue for other deferred children.