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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think MIL should pay

42 replies

IJG360 · 09/02/2017 16:51

Been questioning myself all day. Am on mat leave at the moment, but MIL still wants to look after DS once a fortnight (she had him once a week when I was at work). She picked him up this morning announcing she was taking him to the wacky warehouse and asked if I had the little purse for her (we usually put a few pounds in since she looked after DS as a favour while I was at work). I said no and asked what she needed it for. She said that she needed the money to get into the wacky warehouse. I asked if she could pay as things are tight as DH had been out of work for 2 months (ok, I could have stretched to £2.50, but it's the principal). If I was looking after DS (which I have no objection to) we certainly wouldn't be going there today! The park or library is free! AIBU?

OP posts:

ThisIsANormalLife · 09/02/2017 16:55

Tricky. I would be a bit taken aback since you say she wants to look after him even though it's not required i.e. doing you a favour. I would expect her to pay, but don't know whether she should... Sorry, not helpful!

MoMandaS · 09/02/2017 16:55

YANBU. If she wants to look after him for her own pleasure and not to help you out, it's very strange she should expect you to pay for any activity of her choosing! Different when it was actual childcare.

Osirus · 09/02/2017 16:56

YANBU. If she still wants him when you don't need her to she should pay for any trips. Did she agree?

expatinscotland · 09/02/2017 16:56

YANBU

Orangebird69 · 09/02/2017 16:57

Yanbu.

Soubriquet · 09/02/2017 16:58

No yanbu

I sometimes send money if family take my dc out but it's usually protested a lot as it's their treat

Xmasbaby11 · 09/02/2017 16:58

Tricky. Is she skint or just tight? I'd probably have offered the money but would be surprised if it was accepted.

blueskyinmarch · 09/02/2017 17:01

MIL taking him out whilst providing childcare for you - You pay.

MIL taking him out when you are there to care for him but because she wants to - She pays.

YouHadMeAtCake · 09/02/2017 17:03

She wants to take him, she can pay. YANBU.

Bringbacksummer · 09/02/2017 17:03

YANBU

I think you should say something to her like;
"When you look after DS, would you mind just doing things like the park/library? Things that are free? We are watching the pennies at the moment."

That way, if she wants to take him somewhere that costs money, she'll know she'll need to fork out for it herself.

Berthatydfil · 09/02/2017 17:04

Yanbu.
If she isn't doing it as a favour/free childcare for you but as a treat for him then she should pay.
Even more the case if things are tight for you at the moment and it's not something you would be choosing to to yourself.

Sammyislost · 09/02/2017 17:08

If it's her idea, it's her money.....IMO.

FinnegansCake · 09/02/2017 17:09

YANBU.

You haven't asked her to take your DS anywhere, it's her choice, she should pay!

I really couldn't imagine ever asking my DIL for money to take my DGS out, I would automatically pay without giving it a second thought. And it's only £2.50 ffs, it's not as though it's a hundred quid.

Is your MIL extremely hard-up, or just exceptionally tight?

Tomorrowillbeachicken · 09/02/2017 17:11

I think my inlaws would pay if they took my DS.

SapphireStrange · 09/02/2017 17:11

I think YANBU.

You could say something like 'Money is a bit tight at the moment so it'd be better for you and DS to just do free things at the moment.' If she is happy to pay she then has a chance to offer; or she can say 'OK, we'll go to the park.'

rookiemere · 09/02/2017 17:12

YANBU.

But I can see her pov. She was used to taking out money to cover payment for these things when she looked after DS, therefore to her looking for the purse is standard procedure and she perhaps didn't think about the fact that finances are tight for you at the minute.

I think rather than saying she should pay, you could have told her that as money is tight at the minute you're doing a lot more free activities such as park or library with DS. Then it's up to her if she wants to do that, or pay herself for other things.

Also £2.50 is a lot cheaper than paying for one day a week childcare when you go back to work.

xStefx · 09/02/2017 17:12

Yanbu to be honest I can't believe she asked you for £2.50 to take we own grandchild out

SalmonFajitas · 09/02/2017 17:13

YANBU rather than asking her to pay herself I'd have probably just asked her to take him somewhere that's free. But she can't suddenly decide she's taking him to legoland and demand the entrance fee - that's why it makes sense for her to choose the outing and pay for it (or go somewhere free).

arethereanyleftatall · 09/02/2017 17:15

She should pay, BUT, bear in mind that in future once dc2 is born she might be providing your childcare again for free. Might be worth sucking it up?

TwoTicketsToTeesside · 09/02/2017 17:16

My ILs or parents wouldn't dream of asking for the money in this instance. If they couldn't afford the £2.50 they would have taken DC to a free activity.

YANBU.

SantasLittleMonkeyButler · 09/02/2017 17:20

I would have paid for the sake of maintaining the peace. As a PP has said, you may want her to help you out with childcare in the future and don't want to create bad feeling over £2.50.

That doesn't mean I think you should have been asked to pay. I agree with everyone else on that one. If you've asked her to look after DS, you pay expenses. If she asks to take DS somewhere just because she wants to see him (nothing at all wrong with that), then it should be her treat surely?

EweAreHere · 09/02/2017 17:25

YANBU. And she of all people should have known better. She wanted to take him out; entirely her choice. And it's her son who is out of work, so she clearly knows why money is tight.

KellyBoo800 · 09/02/2017 17:30

YANBU- I'm babysitting and taking my baby niece to soft play tomorrow and wouldn't dream of asking SIL to pay!

Original poster

IJG360 · 09/02/2017 17:34

Thank you all. I probably should have paid to keep the peace as I did last time she asked, but feel I need to be a little more assertive in general with her. That was my attempt though could have probably done with a bit more tact! I'm normally quite a generous person, but this really wound me up especially as my parents are quite the opposite! She is certainly not skint, in fact I feel quite jealous of her ever changing wardrobe!

OP posts:

Babyroobs · 09/02/2017 17:37

Is she particularly short of money? Like others have said I can't imagine my mum or mil ( if they were still alive) asking for £2.50 to give their own grandchild a treat.

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