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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think MIL should pay

42 replies

IJG360 · 09/02/2017 16:51

Been questioning myself all day. Am on mat leave at the moment, but MIL still wants to look after DS once a fortnight (she had him once a week when I was at work). She picked him up this morning announcing she was taking him to the wacky warehouse and asked if I had the little purse for her (we usually put a few pounds in since she looked after DS as a favour while I was at work). I said no and asked what she needed it for. She said that she needed the money to get into the wacky warehouse. I asked if she could pay as things are tight as DH had been out of work for 2 months (ok, I could have stretched to £2.50, but it's the principal). If I was looking after DS (which I have no objection to) we certainly wouldn't be going there today! The park or library is free! AIBU?

OP posts:
abbsisspartacus · 09/02/2017 17:40

But she isn't providing childcare she asked to take him out!

Say no thanks next time

harderandharder2breathe · 09/02/2017 17:41

Yanbu

If she's looking after him as a favour to you then you pay

If she wants to take him out for fun, she pays

Orangebird69 · 09/02/2017 17:45

Very odd. If I take my nieces or nephews out, I don't expect the parents to pay!

impossible · 09/02/2017 17:47

She has given you free childcare while you work and she wants to keep up her relationship with your ds. All sounds perfectly reasonable. Perhaps you should have been a little kinder to her and explained the situation. It looks a little like you are taking her for granted by feeling you need to be more assertive and comparing her unfavourably to your own parents.

Sugarpiehoneyeye · 09/02/2017 17:50

OP, under the circumstances, you did the right thing.

BaronessEllaSaturday · 09/02/2017 17:50

Will you expect her to be doing the child care once your mat leave is finished. If so then I think the decent thing would be continue to pay.

JustSpeakSense · 09/02/2017 17:50

What was her reaction when you didn't give her any money?

lanbro · 09/02/2017 17:51

My MIL has dd2 twice a week, for her own pleasure. She takes her for lunch, soft play, out for coffee etc and always pays. I buy her flowers or chocolates now and again but she has dd because she wants her and would never take money off me!

BadKnee · 09/02/2017 17:55

I think that you just need to be clear - good advice here.

I don't however think she is being unreasonable and probably still thinks that she is doing you a favour especially as you are pregnant/have a new baby. I paid for childcare so that I could rest on occasion so it is not unusual.

I would also offer if someone takes my child out - even if they offer - it is just good manners.

Juveniledelinquent · 09/02/2017 17:57

She should pay but how you tackle this is tricky. Being straightforward and honest is my usual way but it depends how you get on with her.

SoupDragon · 09/02/2017 17:59

YABU simply because you changed what usually happens without explanation or any warning.

YANBU to have a chat and explain how money is tight so you'd prefer her to do free things ŵith him.

Pogolphin · 09/02/2017 18:01

Why don't you suggest she take him to the (free) library story time as a treat. Might be nice to have a break later on.

RainbowsAndUnicorn · 09/02/2017 18:01

I'd have paid given she saved you hundreds of pounds in childcare. If you intend tit nurse her in future to suit you you may want to think twice before making her cross.

MatildaTheCat · 09/02/2017 18:10

'MIL we do truly appreciate you taking ds out and for all your help but right now we are just so incredibly skint would you mind doing free activities? I'd hate to cause any awkwardness between us.'

YANBU. When in your position we were desperately skint and that £2.50 would have pissed me off. Of course if she chooses more expensive outings then that's fine. It is a bit cold for hanging round the park for long TBF. Is there a list of free or really cheap local activities you could give her?

Joanna0685 · 09/02/2017 18:14

She is probably just used to having the purse and bear in mind she did give you a lot of free childcare and may do so again. I would just pay it, it is not hugely expensive and it is nice to have someone you can trust looking after DS.

dailymaillazyjournos · 09/02/2017 18:27

I am on a restricted budget and if I'd offered to look after DGD one day per week I'd choose activities that were free or that I knew I could afford. I wouldn't ask for money.

Baffledonthisone · 09/02/2017 21:28

Is it possible she was just keeping the routine. There was a recent thread where op was affronted at the implication she was poor. Maybe mil worried she could cause you and DH offense by going of script - possibly implying you can't even afford £2.50.

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