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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To just want to cry

84 replies

StarlitTrees · 09/02/2017 05:23

Why do everyone else have perfect newborns? What trick am I missing here??

My son is 10 weeks now and still only taking 2-3oz overnight every 2-3 hours. I try to get him to take more but he just won't!
Infact tonight, he's been up every 1.5h!!

I know things could be a million times worse, and it's still 'early days'. But I just get frustrated when people boast how well their newborns sleep!
My friend told me tonight that her baby who's 2 or 3 weeks younger sleeps from 10-5.30 every night!
This is my second baby and I know my first didn't do that either.

Im just so tired. Luckily my husband gets up for one of the feeds else I'd he dead on my feet!

Doesn't help that weve lived in a plague house since he was born. Winter baby plus 3 year old just starting nursery is not a good combination. The kids and i have had constant coughs and colds for weeks now.

Sorry for the moan. I know it gets better so I just need to suck it up. It won't last forever. I just wish that little gems like 'sleep when the baby sleeps' were still relevant!

So AIBU to just hate everyone's perfect newborns just a little and to be sitting here crying.

OP posts:
HeteronormativeHaybales · 09/02/2017 06:59

Do you want to know how many times a night my 16 month old wakes up? :)

Honestly. It. Is. NORMAL and indeed desirable for a baby to sleep lightly and wake frequently. Don't listen to anyone else's boasting. Sometimes a baby will sleep 'through' 6h once or twice, not to do it again for months. And FFS don't label your baby as imperfect because he does the very sensible (evolutionarily) baby thing of waking at night.

Original poster
StarlitTrees · 09/02/2017 07:42

Thanks for the comments.

I of course wasn't meaning I was ungrateful for my baby or wishing he was someone he wasn't.
Of course I'm thankful for having a healthy baby (especially after losing a baby in the past). I was just having a bad night and needed to just seek a bit of a moan with people in a similar situation.

I will go now that I feel sufficiently guilty for being an ungrateful mother labelling her poor baby!

OP posts:
Original poster
StarlitTrees · 09/02/2017 07:42

(Sorry, just tired)

OP posts:
Yura · 09/02/2017 08:07

You are tired - perfectly normal to feel as you do (and anybody saying it isn't is just as unrealistic as they people who's babies apparently slept through the night on day 1!)
Being a parent is hard, sometimes we just have to vent (I'm very proud of my athletic, anergwtic 4 year old, but I really wish I had a couch potatoe who watches telly all the time at times! None of us are bad mums for wishing out kids would be different once in a while - just humans)

downwardfacingdog · 09/02/2017 08:17

The reason you are hearing about all these amazing sleeping babies is it's rare so te parents shout about it. It's normal to be waking lots at this age (doesn't make it any easier though) Flowers

GoesDownLikeACupOfColdSick · 09/02/2017 08:32

Sorry if people have had difficulties in the past, but someone who is clearly stressed and shattered and needs a bit of support and to know she's not alone doesn't need to be made to feel like shit!

LoveMyLittleSuperhero · 09/02/2017 08:53

I wrote your post a few weeks back, it does improve very slowly, we aren't at sleeping through, not by a long shot, but there is light.
You love your daughter, that's evident don't let anyone make you feel bad. I had many things that would lead me to believe I'd never have a healthy baby (including losing one before) and your post certainly didn't make me think you were ungrateful! Sleep deprivation is absolutely the worst and some very lucky people do not understand.
I HATE dummies, despise the things, but some lovely people on here recommended them told me to stop being ridiculous when I was in your position and I feel they quite literally saved my sanity.
Flowers I found sometimes getting it all out and having a good moan about it helps, don't feel bad about doing that, anything that helps you get through this awful stage is fine.

LaPharisienne · 09/02/2017 09:00

My sympathies for all the non-sleeping babies.

For all those who think people are lying when they say their babies sleep through, though, do you really believe that? Or are you just saying that to make yourselves feel better? I know it isn't fair and I know it's awful if you're being woken up all the time, but there are plenty of babies who sleep well from very little.

SolomanDaisy · 09/02/2017 09:13

I told a mum with a similar age baby that DD is a good sleeper and the next time we spoke I realised she thought I meant DD sleeps through! She doesn't.

dontbesillyhenry · 09/02/2017 09:17

It really is hell- been there this time last year remember it well- I can honestly say you will look back at all this and laugh...soon just hang in there

NotTheBelleoftheBall · 09/02/2017 09:29

I sometimes try to laugh at the time:

"Oh haha darling, look you're awake again and it's only 4:30am"

But then I realised that is the work of a mad woman.

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 09/02/2017 09:32

People boast about how well their newborns sleep.

Take heed of the word boast. Anyone can boast. Its very very easy to do so, but. You only live with your own baby. Anyone can paint a pretty picture of a baby who sleeps from 7pm-10am. However reality is very different.
I used to sleep for only 1 hour per day. My poor mum. I make up for it now though. I'm like a bloody Slough.

You're doing fantastic. Just ignore others. Not easy, I know, but
I guarantee no new born sleeps through the night. They're chatting utter shit and bollocks

Original poster
StarlitTrees · 09/02/2017 09:40

Sorry for being sensitive, it really is just because I'm so tired. I'm sure it wasn't meant in the way I read it.

Thank you for the lovely comments.
As I said, I'm lucky to have a supportive husband. We are a team and we are in it together.

You sometimes think that you should be getting into the swing of things but really, as the weeks pass it gets harder. Instead of acclimatising to the situation, really it's ten weeks (and counting) of continuous broken sleep. I know it gets harder before it get easier.
I wouldn't change my baby for the world. I count myself lucky every day to have him. And when he shoots me his beaming gummy smile I know it's all worth it Smile

As for he dummy. I unashamedly have given both of my sons dummies. Anything to make these early months easier is fine by me.
My three year old stopped having dummies when he was two and a half. He has excellent speech and his teeth are fine. I have no problem with dummies.
Anything to help keep mums sanity must be good for baby! Grin

OP posts:
Purplebluebird · 09/02/2017 09:48

My baby was up every 2 hours or so for the first year actually! But we co-slept and he would normally go back to sleep with bf'ing, so we didn't need to get up. Until he was 8 months old that is, then he had 6 weeks where he would be awake for 2 hours in the middle of the night -.- Now that is tiredness on a whole new level.

Talith · 09/02/2017 09:49

Mine were both crap feeders and crap sleepers so I have a lot of sympathy for you. Hang in there xxx

UserOO7 · 09/02/2017 09:50

My 14 month old isn't quite making 2 hr stretches right now.

The fact I have gone slightly insane from lack of sleep possibly helps me come to terms with it...

gchasbeeninmyhouse · 09/02/2017 10:05

Sleep deprivation is the ultimate torture. My husband and I very nearly divorced and killed each other as we had a terrible firstborn sleeper. I got very down comparing him to others because all my Nct friends had perfect babies who slept "7 to 7" from very early age... grrr still hate that phrase now! They also used to be really helpful by suggesting "I give him more stimulation during the day" yes because I would pretty much ignore him all day...Hmm Anyway just to say most people are probably lying and if they aren't well lucky them...You know it is short lived, having a 3 year old at the same time is also hell (mine spent a lot of those early days with my second watching a lot of tv) but it ends eventually - my eldest is 12 now and I have to wake him up in the morning. Oh how I never imagined that would happen (even2 years ago!) Good luck and remember the saying "comparison is the thief of joy" Don't do that to yourself xx

Original poster
StarlitTrees · 09/02/2017 10:07

comparisson is the thief of joy

What a brilliant phrase, and so true.

OP posts:
Blueskyrain · 09/02/2017 10:07

Some babies sleep well, others don't. Some toddlers will be little angels most of the time, others little terrors. Some will happily eat anything, others won't. Some will have huge tantrums. Some will be a bitter for a while. In school, some will find it easy, others will struggle. Some will get glowing reports, others dread tweet another call from the school, and so on.

Your friends that have a sleeper may have seem to have gotten lucky now, but the chances are that there'll be other aspects of child rearing that they'll be jealous of you with. You win some, you lose some, and you may be sat equally smugly one day as your sleep friends struggle with something that you don't.

Allthewaves · 09/02/2017 10:15

I spent first 6 months of my babies in a sleep deprived fog. I remember people asking me if I was ok and I'd then randomly cry because I was sooooo tired. It's a special kind of hell - work it though.

Try a humidifier in bedroom - very good at easing night coughs. Found vapour rub (one for kids) is great on my 3 yr old who has perm winter cold

Ewock · 09/02/2017 10:47

I think people's idea of sleeping through differs. My dd is 9weeks old and we said this morning that she had slept through but that meant 12.30amish till 6.20am. This week she has done this several times previously she was awake between every 1hr to 2hrs so for us this feels like sleeping through. I am jealous of peoples kids who sleep from around 10pm till 6am I would love that! Typically whilst dd slept ds was awake twice so I have come to the conclusion that the universe hates us 😉

Anatidae · 09/02/2017 10:49

I hear about these magical sleeping babies too. Lucky parents!

It's totally normal to be awake every 90 mins at that age ;) Ds still wakes several times a night and he's almost 18 months.

Don't compare him to others, it'll drive you nuts.

Ewock · 09/02/2017 10:54

I also remember with ds he was a terrible sleeper, dh and I came to an agreement that we not talk when up in the night as even him saying something nice annoyed me. Sleep deprevation is hell. But it does get better even though it doesn't seem it x

DonkeysDontRideBicycles · 09/02/2017 10:59

Vent away, we're holding your hand.
It's fatigue like nothing else.
You are also coping this time with your 3yo so naturally it's an extra load Flowers.
Also if you have a cough that never seems to go, it might not be the original one iyswim, it could be a secondary infection because your immune system is knocked about, might be worth getting yourself looked at, (sorry, little Miss Sunshine here, but just saying).

StarkintheSouth · 09/02/2017 11:09

My baby is 16 weeks and she won't go down until midnight ish then wakes at 4 ish for a feed. Then sleeps until around 6/7
Frustrating! So you're not alone!