Aibu - the person that "makes" tea does not have to clear up

[Raisensaretoddlercrack]

Please help me settle a long standing disagreement with my DH....

In our house we have the fairly standard rule that he or she who does not make tea has to clear the plates etc away after. The process of ordering of a takeaway for both of us counts as "making tea" and therefore the person that does the ordering does not have to clear up afterwards. AIBU?

I swear I thought adult life would be far more exciting....

Sadly this is it!

Takeaways are tidy up together.

DH is banned him from loading the dishwasher due to the way he throws everything in totally random order all over the place and it really gets my goat. His job is to empty it.

This is the rule in our house too, except we have separate finances (I know) so it's whoever paid for the take away doesn't have to clean up.

In the early days, DP tried to argue that the 'if you cooked you don't have to clean up' rule applied to meals he cooked for himself, and only himself, when I was out the house. Spoiler alert: it bloody does not count.

Whatever makes you tick, but ordering a take away isn't the same as cooking a roast dinner. Some people are funny about washing up as they want it done properly. Nothing worse that dirty cutlery/crockery.

Can you fit a dishwasher in your kitchen : P

We follow the general rule that whoever cooked the meal cleans up afterwards. This is because when my DC cook they seem to use every utensil, mixing bowl, and saucepan in the kitchen, while managing to smear food on every counter, cupboard door, the floor, and occasionally, the cat. I manage to get away with two saucepans, a chopping board, and the plates and cutlery we ate off.

We used to do that... but DH makes so much more mess than me so I'll have 2.plates and a pan. He covers every side ans has every utensil out.
Now ita just whoever is around and free.

Yes ordering tea does not count as making tea. However if it took you 5 minutes to order, it's quite nice for him to use 5 minutes to tidy the takeaway stuff up. It's a labour free meal either side of eating.

For those with DPs who make a huge mess/fuck around when cooking, may I direct you to this thread, where girlwhowearsglasses gave us the wonderfully apt term "male performance cooking"!

Phoning for a takeaway not sufficient effort, but having to go out to collect it might be.

I cook. I wash up.

We absolutely do not follow that rule - I cook four nights a week (including the weekends - two of the other three days are 'pasta night' and 'ready meal night') and am always left to do the dishes and the clearing up. For Xmas dinner I mad everything we ate and I swear I washed every implement in our house at least ten times.

I swear I thought adult life would be far more exciting....

As Homer Simpson once said, other than the fact I thought we'd drive around in a van solving mysteries, it's pretty much how I imagined it.

Takeaways involve minimal clearing up, that's the point surely? Boxes in the bin and plates in the dishwasher. That's it.

DH cooks and washes up most nights. However I do far more other house and child related stuff so it evens out.

My husband does the cooking and then sorts out the dishwasher. Just how it's split in our house as I do other stuff.

My friend and her DH work similar hours but have the rule that they take it in turns to be in charge of both cooking and cleaning up. They used to have your rule but her DH makes super elaborate meals that involve getting every single kitchen utensil dirty and she'd rather have a simple meal with no much tidying.

I cook and then clean up after every night.....while DH baths and gets the 3 kids ready for bed. I think I got the better end of the deal!!!!

My DH washes up at Christmas and leaves all the cutlery in the bottom of the sink - I always make food, clear away and wash up - don't work though so suppose fair enough but it's soooo boring ... even if DH has ever been off work for a period of time, he wouldn't think to wash up/make food/clear away grrr ........ if we get a takeaway I now make everyone eat from paper plates because it's a treat for me to not have to bloody wash up and dry even though they moan, but bugger them

That's why we had kids - they clean up takeaway

DP does most of the cooking. We both tend to do most clearing up as we cook so the kitchen's not too messy afterwards.

DP usually clears up though before making DS's packed lunch. I'm usually in bed by then.

When young and childless we probably would have thought it a fair division between "has to make a decision and order takeaway" vs "washes two plates". Cos deciding stuff and organising stuff is hard

We help each other at weekends. Someone washes and the other dries and puts away. During the week someone cleans up the kitchen and the other cleans up the children!

No set rules in our house really, most stuff goes in dishwasher so doesn't take long. I normally cook as much as possible before DH is home from work and clear up as I go along and after we've eaten we tend to wander into the kitchen and both do it....

Only exception is on a weekend day DH has a 'big cook' and he makes so much mess he clears up after himself!! He loves cooking but doesn't get much chance during the week so finds it relaxing at the weekend to spend a couple of hours with sport on the radio, beer and trying to use every item in the cupboard

we take turns in filling up the dishwasher until its full then it gets turned on :)

I cook and clean up. Even if it is at midnight after I get home form anevening shift. Sigh. Foot ball is far more important apparently. That and twitter

I trained my teenagers, they do it :) I also had the foresight to have a big gap between 2nd and 3rd child so by the time 2nd child leaves home 3rd child will have taken it over :) Although at weekends DH does it, I do all the shopping, planning of meals and 95% of the cooking, I also always order the takeaway when we have one, therefore I do not clear up, ever. Instead whoever clears up brings me a cup of tea whilst I relax on the sofa. Then when everyone is in bed I go into the kitchen and do all the stuff noone bothered to do, (wipe down surfaces, hang up/put in wash wet tea towels, wash up oven trays and mugs etc, it would probably be easier to do it all myself but I am determined, one day they will do it properly)

We don't have a strict rule, but quite often the person who cooks doesn't wash up. As regarding takeaways, DH orders and collects while I tidy the table, get the plates, wine glasses, heated hot plates, cutlery out - this takes the same amount of time as him collecting it as very close, so there's no preconception about who should clear up.

To be honest if my DH washes up, he usually misses things, doesn't wipe cooker, splashback over so I have to go in there to do something!

I do all of the cooking & very nearly all of the clearing up - recently after a meltdown DH has started "helping" by moving things from the table to the work-surfaces & cluttering them up so I can't sort out leftovers etc. He doesn't even stack things - there is a single layer all over.

I've told him it isn't helpful & to either do nothing as before, or rinse things & put them straight into he dishwasher. He refuses.