Ive accidentally hit on a work colleague. I need to change jobs now don't I?

[Sociallyawkwardd]

Ive been getting on with a young man at my workplace. Just general chit chat. I thought he was gay. 100% thought he was gay. Yesterday he told me he was finding it hard to meet someone. To which I replied 'you're a really handsome man. You will easily meet someone'. I told him he should take the plunge and ask someone on a date. Wear the lovely shirt he had on Monday as it really suited him. No one would say no because he's a really handsome man with a great personality'. I said all this very enthusiastically! 😁

He was smiling like a Cheshire Cat.

Then someone came to me and said do you fancy 'Daniel' (he'd obviously repeated my comment). I was like oh no I'm just saying he's a handsome fella and should get himself out there and not to worry about being single. He will meet a lovely man, just needs to get himself out there. Visit a few bars.

The mutual colleague then informed me that 'Daniel' is in fact completely heterosexual even though a small number of people mistake him for being gay.😳

Daniel is now visibly nervous in my presence and looks pretty scared to be honest even though he is still being nice and chatting to me.

When shall I hand my notice in?

Ha ha. I did this once with a random man who was with some friends of mine that I ended up in the pub with for a night. He was really, really camp but also really preened and good looking - I was sure he was gay.

So sure that when he told me how hard he is finding it to meet the right one, I told him he was gorgeous and I couldn't believe he was single - we then walked down the street with arms linked and me thinking 'Oh goody I finally have a gay best friend a-la Sex in the City' .

I was a bit shocked when he then stopped in the street and tried to snog me... at least DH saw the funny side when I told him.

I wish you'd said "handsome young man" for full mum-points

Honestly, OP, nobody with a functioning braincell would take reassurances that 'you're a handsome man with a great personality' and injunctions to 'wear that lovely shirt you had on on Monday' as he hits 'a few bars' as a sexual pass

This really made me laugh. HE IS A MAN. Have you ever met any of them?

99.9% of them operate on the basis that ALL women fancy them. They all genuinely believe that even supermodel is susceptible to their charms. A comment like this will have boosted his ego through the roof and past the stratosphere he will be entirely convinced that the OP is gagging for him.

Yes OP. The only solution is to hand in your notice. Or next time be a little bit more direct with the gay chat as in "You are looking mighty fine today Daniel, how is the search for the bf going?" or "Did I mention I my nephew/cousin/friend's son is gay and single, would you like me to set you up on a blind date."

You'll get away with it OP, especially if you ham it up a little

.

Can I just say, I'm 26. Not 46! Daniel is 19.

embarrassing! All I'd say from experience is that either way, you probably want to talk a bit less about personal stuff at work in case the wrong idea is received, I've had a bloke declare undying love when I thought I was just being friendly by chatting to him. Now that was cringe-worthy.

...well why on earth did you refer to him as a 'young man' if he's the same generation as you? Did you rub your thighs in jest as you told him he was gorgeous, attractive and anyone would want him? If not beware being alone with him until it's all died down a bit. You've put both of you in an odd position. Though I do feel a bit sorry for him (and his go-between friend). He likes you; you tell him he's lovely and very attractive; he gets his friend to find out what's going on; the poor friend has to report back that not only are you not interested in that way but you think he's gay. For shame!

The only way to save face is to somehow let him know that you think he is gay. Don't let on you have been told he isn't.

I always say young man or young woman. It's my boarding school upbringing! 😂

I sound 46 is person too.

Daniel isn't interested in me. I don't think that's a concern

Oh yes, the friendliness taken in the wrong way! Been there.

I was 19 and pretty chatty to anyone who talked to me. One evening, me and the slightly odd man from our team in my first job were left on the later shift. He was about 32 I think. He brought his Bon Jovi scrapbooks over to my desk and proceeded to show me them. I'd never shown any interest in Bon Jovi at all, or scrapbooks. I was slightly scared I'd somehow given him the wrong impression but I still don't know how. Not the only time it has happened though, similar thing at uni, I was friendly and chatty to a guy in our halls, who made it known that he fancied me although I clearly didn't give him any signals and didn't really realise as I never do (maybe that's my problem). He still tried it on when I was hammered and I had to leave my room as he wouldn't go when I turned him down. He then smashed the plug socket in the hall and told everyone else I was a slag (for turning him down ), men can be weird sometimes.

no i think you've found the other side of this coin op, you've come across as interested in him and then ended up in a confusing mess. I would retreat a bit to being professional personally. Harry that heart-sinking feeling when you realize that someone has gotten totally the wrong idea, inadvertently.

This really made me laugh. HE IS A MAN. Have you ever met any of them?

Yes, Autumn, and I'd still be hard pushed to find a man, however vain, who would regard any of the things the OP actually said as a 'come on' -- if her 'advice' had been any more mumsy (telling him to wear his 'lovely shirt' that really suited him out to bars!) she'd have had to follow it up by bellowing 'And wear your warm coat OR YOU'LL CATCH YOUR DEATH!'

Can you say 'I've been having a think about who in my group of friends is single, and I think I know a few I could set you up with. My friend would think you are just his type...'
thus making it REALLY clear you thought he was gay?

Well OP I reckon you'll be getting a nice card and a bunch of flowers on the 14th.

As the older, wiser person why don't you make his day?

Either fuck him or follow TwistmeTurnmes advice.

26???

I'm 45 and I don't think I've reached the stage of being as mumsy as you sounded in what you said to him!

No wonder he looks nervous: there's no way you can get away with that at 26. You'll have to leave...

Hopefully he doesn't file a sexual harrassment case

Isn't there a film about this... Disclosure, I think?

'A man bag he carries in his arms'

He has a clutch??!!

Next time he comes near you, whip out a tissue, spit on it and start cleaning his face roughly. You can't get much more mumsy!

It like a very feminine satchel!

Oh god OP I did this once. I ended the conversation by saying 'I bet your Mammy loves you. You are lovely' . In my defense I was a leetle bit drunk at the time though.

Go with pretending you don't know he's straight. Ask him if he's found a someone (always use gender neutral pronouns). My first ever boyfriend set off everyone's gaydar. We're both now in our 40's. He's married to a woman. If they're at all similar though he never thinks anyone is interested male or female despite some shockingly obvious flirtations aimed his way. Lets hope those things go hand in hand for your sakes

Now he definitely thinks I fancy him. It's so embarrassing. I'm mortified to be honest!

This time next year I will have forgotten it all. I just have to remember that.

it just goes to show - you can adopt as mumsy a demeanor as you like but it won't put certain blokes off :) Retreat to being polite but don't engage in banter. Unless you fancy him of course!